can anyone help me please?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
can anyone help me please?
4
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 4:02pm
There's a guy I met a year ago at a restaurant we used to work together at. We used to hang out and talk all the time when I worked there. I have been interested pretty much since I met him, but I was still having problems with my ex then and wasn't really available. He seems to have made a lot of flirtations toward me in the past year, telling me I'm pretty, how awesome of a chick I am, talking about buying me things, always asking what's up with my ex and when i'll be done with him... etc. Well now in the past few months I am entirely available and I have kind of been making passes at him now, I buy him drinks when we go out and I throw in some racy comment cuz we are scorpios and we like to talk about sex. Or I'll put my arm around him or something. Not for like a long time or anything. But he just laughs like I am joking around. I don't really know what to do, I feel like I am over-flirting. Or even making myself sound like a slut. I don't hang out with him as much anymore, only when our friend's band plays. He tells me to call him to hang out and I do but he is working a lot. He doesn't call back either. Sometimes he'll call me around a time when the band is playing which is like once or twice a month. Everyone tells me to forget him and move on, but I still want him every time I see him. I have actually tried that before, though, but he always comes back around and shows more interest in me and flirts more. It's like we are playing hard-to-get tag. And I mean, he IS my friend, I'm not just going to stop going to the shows to forget about him, I like going to the shows, I have other friends there too and I love the music. And it's not like running my life or anything, he's just the one I want most. And another thing... he doesn't seem to want a serious relationship right now, just date, and that's what I want too but I am not sure that he is aware of that. He also seems to only date latina women and he talks about not liking blonds... and I am a blond, but he says, "no offense to you of course." So what should I try next? I don't even know if he likes me but I am pretty sure that if he knew I have good intentions and not looking to use him, he would definitely be down. How can I break the ice?
Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 4:17pm
From what you've described, it sounds like he was much more interested in you when you weren't availabe and now that you are, he's backing off. It could be that he never really wanted to get involved with you and just enjoyed the flirtation. Now that there's a real chance you'd be open to his suggestions, he could be backing off because he never really intended to follow through on things. Even if that's not the case, he does know you are available and it sounds like you have shown him that you're interested. If you do anything more, it'll look like you're throwing yourself at him. If he were really interested, he'd call you back or ask you out, but he's not doing that. I'd have to agree with your friends--you should forget about him.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 5:54pm
Hm. Well. I think your friends are right. Honestly, after a year, I think that if he really were interested in dating you, he'd ask or make a move. In addition, I think the comment he made about blondes is very telling. He's saying you're fun to flirt with, but he's not interested in more.

It's okay to have someone to just flirt with. Keep that going, but I wouldn't expect any more than that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 11:13pm
I think he knows you are interested; I think part of your attraction to him is his unavailability and I don't think there is ice to break - no matter how busy, an emotionally stable man who is interested in a woman asks her out, in advance and on a proper date. I would say time to move on - if he likes you enough to ask you out you will know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Sat, 05-31-2003 - 5:32pm
I don't think he is interested at all. If he was interested, he wouldn't be asking you to just "hang out" with him. He'd be asking you out to a nice dinner somewhere.

Also, I wouldn't do "sex talk" or even sex jokes with men. Ever. And its not that I'm a prude, but I think men are more interested in women who have an element of mystery to them.