can anyone tell me what this guy wants?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
can anyone tell me what this guy wants?
3
Tue, 04-15-2003 - 6:00pm
I have known this guy since i was 14...i am now 25....he always wanted to date me but i was always with someone else so we have just been friends...about a year ago we ran into each other and discovered that we were now living in the same state after starting our carreers and we were both single...

he invited me to visit him in his city and bought me a ticket...we had a very fun weekend and he began calling me several times a day but never came to visit me...although he talked about it all the time...

this went on for nine months and i was set to visit him again....then the day before i was to fly out to see him he called and told me about a wonderful romantic trip he took with another woman and how much he liked her....this is after nine months of telling me how perfect i was and how he wanted to marry me...

as i am writing this i realize how strange this all sounds...but we have had this strange connection for so many years...

anyway to continue...i was very hurt and angry and let him know and told him i wanted no more contact from him...he was hurt...can you believe that? and kept calling and emailing me and finally after a couple of months my curiosity got the best of me and i answered his call...he had been leaving messages about how he had to talk to me and explain because i did not understand.

well what he had to explain to me was how wonderful this new girl is and how special my friendship is to him...so i cut off communication again....

he kept calling and i did not answer until around march...he called to say he missed me and wanted me to come for a visit..translate the other girl dumped him....

anyway what is wrong with me that i still think about him..by the way he never mentioned the trip again....he is calling and emailing again and i am not answering...

this may sound strange but could he be gay...all kinds of strnage ideas are going thru my mind....i just can't figure out why he is still calling...

he always says i have been his dream girl since age 15 and it scares him because he thinks he is falling in love with me...

if there are any people out there who can give me some insight as to why he is acting this way and why he does not just leave me alone...i would love to hear from you....

thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 04-15-2003 - 8:14pm
you are sosooooooo right about everything you said......i guess i am just bored and curious to figure out what makes a person act like that....but that is a total waste of time and my motto is....hurt me once shame on you...hurt me twice shame on me...guess i just need to remember that motto and live by it...i have always liked a challenge but i should just keep my challenges to my professional life...relationships are hard enough when you are dealing with a straight forward normal person...why do i want to borrow trouble....thanks for your advice

Loveslife...
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 04-15-2003 - 6:58pm
I can't tell you what he wants, but I sure can tell you this guy is just a heartache waiting to happen. You've told him to cut contact, yet he's not listening. He was wooing you, yet dating someone else. He either wants to have his cake and eat it too, or he's controlling, or both. Either way, nothing about this situation can be good. You probably just like the attention, but lots of guys can give you attention. You need to move on to avoid getting into something worse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-15-2003 - 6:47pm
If you'd spend half the time pursuing self-empowerment, self-improvement, and self-awareness as you spend wondering "why he's doing what he's doing' - you'd be halfway to the position of CEO and you'd have run a couple of marathons.


HE doesn't value an equality based, mutually beneficial relationship - he likes sex, fun, compaionship, flirtation and attraction. You keep responding...he keeps initiating.

After all....you two had one another on pedestals so high thinking you were still back in high school that there was no way but to fall off and from that height literally shatter every illusion, delusion, and unrealistic expectation without question and without some destruction involved.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com