Can I be friends with him?

Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Can I be friends with him?
7
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 2:45pm
I've been thinking about the guy from blind date number 1. While I don't want to date him, I really think I'd enjoy being friends with him, but I'm not sure that's possible. He hasn't called me, but I think I know why. His friend told my neighbor (doesn't this sound so junior high-ish??) that he had really liked me, but he realized that I wasn't interested in him. I feel kind of guilty for being that obvious with my lack of interest. I've never been very good at hiding how I feel.

I'm just wondering if there's a tactful way to call him and tell him that I'd like to be friends with him without having to say that I just wasn't attracted to him and without leading him on further. Any thoughts?

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 3:36pm
Well, can't you just tell your neighbor to tell his friend to tell him you want to be friends?

Okay, seriously, if you have his number, just call and tell him you'd like to get together sometime. Make sure to metion the word FRIEND somewhere in the conversation! Something like "You seem like a good friend" or "we could be good friends". He'll know what you mean!

Avatar for autumnstar02
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 3:39pm
In my opinion, you can only truly have a healthy friendship with someone if both of you have no romantic feelings towards the other person. If this isn't the case then no you can't.

HUGS

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 4:09pm
I wouldn't b/c you know he really liked you, and to do the "friends" bit might be interpreted it as leading him on, at least from his perspective.

Alas, you can't always get what you want...

Ash

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 5:01pm
Yeah, the "friends" gesture would have to come from him, as the more romantically interested party. He'd have to decide he was ok enough with it to initiate a friendship, IMO.

Sheri


Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 7:01pm
Gee, I don't know Shy, I'm thinking there aren't quite enough people involved with your first suggestion. Perhaps my neighbor could talk to a friend of his friend who can then talk to his friend who would pass it on to his neighbor who could then tell him.
Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 7:08pm
Unfortunately, I think you're right. I've been in the position where someone I liked only wanted to be friends, and I stayed friends with him hoping that some day he would come around. It was really tough on me when he dated other people. I can't do that to someone else. It's too bad, since he lives about a mile from me. Most of my friends live in DC or the VA suburbs (I'm in the MD suburbs), which makes it inconvenient to see them regularly. Oh well. Perhaps he'll decide he wants to be friends and maybe he'll call me. I kind of doubt that, though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Thu, 07-17-2003 - 9:57pm
No, I'd leave it alone. And, why feel guilty because you don't like him?? That is nothing to feel guilty about.