can I have a shoulder to cry on?
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| Thu, 07-26-2007 - 12:50pm |
I know I don't post here all that often, but my overdramatic self would really appreciate a few kind words ...
I've been dating my bf for about a year and a half. We've been apart a couple of times, and I can sense that he's reluctant to move the relationship on any farther, i.e. living together or getting married. He is, nonetheless, a caring, lovely and wonderful person, and our relationship is wonderful for what it is. But I know I won't be ok with that forever. Last night, we were talking on the phone, and for whatever reason, I just asked him if we were going to have this same relationship forever, or if he'd ever really want to share his life for me, and if he ever even thought about it. He told me he did think about it, but he'd have to think more and we could talk in person later.
Well, I can guess well enough what the answer will be. I don't want to lose him, and I feel like an idiot for saying what I did, especially when I knew what saying it would do. I knew I would need to move on at some point, but I also know I'm not ready to move on now. I feel so weak and crumbly right now, it's pathetic. I wish I could be stronger and more reasonable, but right now I can't.
Anything you'd feel like saying, I'd really like to hear it. Thanks so much.

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A few days ago one of my friends sent me a quote. It had to do with the fact that worrying is a lot like a rocking chair. Both give you something to do, but neither really get you anywhere. I think there are some days where I need that to be my theme quote!
You are right, we are no longer together. I bought him an iPod for Christmas, he sent me a "so long" email. That part still hurts, although there is someone who works in my department who just emailed her husband to say she wanted a divorce, so it could have been worse! I think I have an idea of what you are going through, and all I can say is that you need to keep yourself busy with other things. I used exercise a lot during that time to keep my mind clear. By the time I was done working out, the thinking had to be over too.
No matter how hard you wish you didn't say things, you honestly can't take it back. The conversation has already occurred. If you end up not together, your life will continue. Those first few days really suck, but little by little things begin to resemble normal again. Don't let the fear of being single be the reason you hang on to a relationship that isn't good for you. It was one of my biggest fears, and it does get a little easier as time goes by, although there are times I do wish I had someone in my life. It has taken me a year and a half to realize I would rather be alone than with someone who doesn't want to be with me 100%. I have too much to offer to settle, and so do you!
Thanks so much for sharing your experience, and for your encouraging and realistic words!
I have been keeping myself busy and trying not to dwell on the worries, and it has been pretty darn good. I do know that my life will go on whatever happens, and I do ultimately want to be with someone who wants to be with me 100%, as you said. I'm glad now that I did bring up my questions, and I'm glad I can't take them back. We'll see what happens!
Thanks again, so much
I agree. I consider living together and not being married like purgatory. It's neither heaven or hell, it's being stuck in between. I lived with my wife for 3 years before marrying her. I now have children and as wanting to live as an example for my children, I would not live with someone without marrying her. I think it is not a full commitment. Being married is an emotional AND legal commitment. I believe living together always gives the person an "out," i.e. easy to walk away or just to be in a state of non-marriage.
Mark
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