Can men and women be "just friends?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2012
Can men and women be "just friends?"
Wed, 01-16-2013 - 6:20pm

"A new study suggests the answer is yes — but guys may be more attracted to their gal friends than vice versa."

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 10:13am

It took me many years to figure it out.  If I had a connection with a guy, I automatically figured it must be a romantinc thing. If a guy showed interest, even if I didn't at first...well I went with it to see where it would lead.  Heck, even the dude that brought me here...I wanted to be a support system but he was insistent there was more. (and being lonely and flattered - I took a leap and *splat*)

I guess what I'm trying to say is that for some of us who are damaged or immature or can take a long while to manage a friendship with the opposite sex.  Or those who have never seen men and women as *just friends*.  

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 01-18-2013 - 4:06pm

  Yes they can.  But a study of college aged people is too narrow.  I have female friends who I am not sexually attracted to.  Most people do.  It is part of the cultural program to push the sexual angle to force pair bonding even for brief times.  Today's college student population has advantages in being more able to enjoy either sexual friendships or non sexual or sometime sexual sometimes not ,or just sexual.  Many older people (esp women)are accultured to the "dating" form and have more misgivings.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2012
Fri, 01-18-2013 - 12:27pm

Thanks for answering and I too have a friend since high school. I was his tutor in math and he "thought" he was attracted to me - I think it was my brilliant mind bwhahahahaa - and I nipped that in the bud fast, and since then we have been friends throughout the years. Though it did take my hubby a few years to accept him as my friend, and it helped that he lived hundreds of miles away and we didn't see him much :D. We talk off and on on the phone and he has come to visit us a few times, and my husband realizes that we are and always have been just friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2011

that's kind of a 'duh' finding. Really ?

'Intellectuals' in our society are constantly amazed by what is common sense to the rest of us. In 1992 Time Magazine ran a cover story expressing surprise that men and women are born different.  Imagine that. Men and women are born different -- now who could possibly have thought that. The finding was so earth shattering to them that they put it on their cover ! 

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Wed, 01-16-2013 - 11:12pm
I have a guy friend I hang out with about once a week. I am in no way attracted to him, but I've suspected for a long time that he'd jump at the chance to sleep with me. That doesn't mean he wants to date me. He doesn't want to date anyone. That's what I got from this "study". The guys had more sexual interest, but not really more romantic interest. Given they initially studied college kids, that's kind of a "duh" finding. Really? College guys want to have sex? Most guys at that age aren't as picky when choosing who to sleep with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 01-16-2013 - 7:34pm

Hi; well I can answer this now as a mature woman (lol) and I do have a guy friend.. We have no chemistry nor do we want to be romantic but we are good friends..

I think though if by any miracle I meet someone or he meets someone we would probably spend less time together.

The beauty of this is that itis way  less work than a regular loving relationship  and no pressure and dont have to worry about much in the friendship..Just go with the flow and have fun.... It often appears that being friends even with a romantic interest seems more beneficial also but that is tough when there is chemistry between the two people.

Take Care