Cant even have a FWB!!!
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Cant even have a FWB!!!
| Tue, 05-30-2006 - 9:24pm |
I ve decided lately that I dont mind having a FWB until the real deal finally appears.
I ve been single for a year and a half. In that period, I had few FWB but none of them remained friends with me. I figured guys feel offended when you tell them you only want a short-term thing. If I pretend otherwise, they wont mind using me for sex only. But if I am honest and tell them I m ok with sex only and in fact it is all I want with them they feel offended or used and start acting like weirdos.
I dont meet anyone who is remotely close to what I might consider a BF. And dont want to sit around bored and feeling old for the rest of my life! I m in this with another girl friend of mmine. She tells me men get scared away when they find we are not desperate for a serious relationship.
I would like to know the opinion of men on this board?
We both are mature (early 30's), financially secure, independent, good looking, with diverse interests, well travelled and educated... so why do men hate to have us as FWB!!!
could it be that men dont want FWB anymore because they loose the priveledges they get from the relationship?
It is frustrating sometimes
I ve been single for a year and a half. In that period, I had few FWB but none of them remained friends with me. I figured guys feel offended when you tell them you only want a short-term thing. If I pretend otherwise, they wont mind using me for sex only. But if I am honest and tell them I m ok with sex only and in fact it is all I want with them they feel offended or used and start acting like weirdos.
I dont meet anyone who is remotely close to what I might consider a BF. And dont want to sit around bored and feeling old for the rest of my life! I m in this with another girl friend of mmine. She tells me men get scared away when they find we are not desperate for a serious relationship.
I would like to know the opinion of men on this board?
We both are mature (early 30's), financially secure, independent, good looking, with diverse interests, well travelled and educated... so why do men hate to have us as FWB!!!
could it be that men dont want FWB anymore because they loose the priveledges they get from the relationship?
It is frustrating sometimes

Wait a minute. I want to make sure I am not confusing the situation here... You are confused because you are in your early thirties. You are succesful, attractive, cultured, traveled, intelligent(and I can go on) and you are confused why men DONT want just a FWB relationship with you?? I am more confused by the fact that you are confused by this.....
Have you thought, just for a second, that maybe you are the total package and this is why men want more from you? Maybe you scare men off because they're at a point in their lives when they want more, but you don't. I think it is great that you are up front with them, but is it also sending them the wrong message? Or is it telling them that they're not worth your time and they don't want to get hurt. There could be many possibilites, but I don't think it really revolves around men not wanting a FWB thing,because trust me, they still do and I can give you a number of a guy if you would like(kidding). It could be that you need to start looking to the younger guys if this is really what you want in the meantime.
I don't know, but I am sure some where you do know the answer to this. Sometimes questions are so simple, they're not.
Cannot at all relate to your problem. There seems to be endless amounts of men looking fo FWB relationships where I am and you'd be hard-pressed to find a guy that wants anything more.
Don't know what to tell ya.
Hi Juliara,
I know exactly what you're saying. These days, it's the men who get attached and surprised that girls want sex only, not the other way around. The idea that women get attached while men use them for sex is actually a myth, perpetuated by society (at least here in America)!
In fact, most of my friends are very taken aback and confused when they find out that the girls they're dating want something casual. They try even harder to please them and be with them... and the girls get even angrier at them.
It's been happening so often that now I just laugh when I hear people say these platitudes about dating, that "women want a relationship while men want sex." Very often false, in my and my friends' experience.
As to your question why that is, one reason is cultural brainwashing; they've been brought up with the belief that women only want serious relationships or marriage. Another reason is lack of sexual education. Nobody taught them that women are just as sexual as men (if not more). An interesting historical note: Veils in the Middle East were designed because men were afraid to see lust in women's eyes (i.e. afraid of female sexuality).
Edited 5/31/2006 11:02 am ET by ukw1980
Wow, that's really interesting...and so, SO different from my (admittedly limited) experience--the two guys I had flings with in recent months were turning cartwheels when I said I was ok with that (but maybe they realized I really *wasn't* ok with it, deep down? Hmm--that's a little too heavy to think about ;-)).
I'm curious, what "privileges" do you think men get from a relationship that they don't get from a FWB arrangement? You lost me on that one...I thought the whole point of FWB was that they get the privileges of a relationship (sex and companionship) without any of the obligations.
Maybe it's a double standard with the guys you've dealt with? They don't like women being ok with just sex? Who knows...in any event, I don't think you'll have a problem eventually finding a guy who's ok with it.
Sheri
I m not fond of FWB but with the lack of someone worth having relationship with!
Ah, ok, thanks for explaining that!
Sheri