Cant Get over Him

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2005
Cant Get over Him
8
Sun, 05-13-2007 - 4:36pm
ok folks I was wondering if you could help me out? Theres this friend of mine whom I have known for two years and I have liked him for that long. I have tried to move on talked to other guys etc. He told me last year I enjoy your friendship but well to save face I lied to him and told him I was over him because well what else would I say? What would you say. My friends are all telling me to move on Im trying. I go out with other people flirt etc. But no guy even comes to close to him. I want him to give us a chance I think he has made a mistake in his decision. The only I idea that i have is to flirt with other guys in front of him have a winning smile and be the life of the party around him. Its hard to do because when ever I see him my Heart sinks into my stomach. and when I see him with other females I totally want to start crying Thank goodness for ladies rooms LOL. so if anyone out there has any advice for me (other than to forget him, get over it it would sure be appreciated
Thanks
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 05-13-2007 - 6:58pm

It's fine to flirt, dance, and be the life of the party, but don't do all that because you want to make him jealous, or to prove that you're over him. Don't live your life for him. Your not over him, big deal. He should be flattered.

Why is he always present at functions? I know the quote says absence makes the heart grow fonder but in some cases, I think it helps the heart HEAL. Catch my drift?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2005
Sun, 05-13-2007 - 8:08pm
I get what you say I think. I think he is flattered i mean he does treat me as a sweet big brother or a good friend. which makes me soo happy. I guess when I was asking for advice I meant i just want to be with him. i hope that being around him will magically get me over him or put me with him. Why is he present because we are blessed with the same friends. which sometimes is not such a blessing. Why does this have to be so hard?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Sun, 05-13-2007 - 8:42pm

This is so difficult! I'm going through a similar situation. I still work with the guy who I am still crazy in love with. We also have the same friends. I spent months trying to stop loving him, but when you really want to be with someone, those feelings don't just go away. You have to make a conscious decision to move on, and it sounds like you've already done that, but it won't happen over night.

In my situation, I've come to the conclusion that I still love him, but I'm over him.Most people don't understand that, but that's how it is. I guess it comes down to me knowing and understanding my heart's desire, but over the months I've learned to accept that we will never be together again. Is it easy? Heck no. But I accept it, because what else can I do?

It's so much more difficult when you have to see him on a regular basis, but I understand that it isn't always easy to make a break. But maybe finding some friends out of his circle might help ease things a bit? I did that and it has made a huge difference. I miss hanging out with my friends, but I've also had to run to the ladies room in tears...too many times to count! And I certainly don't miss THAT!

Hang in there and good luck...just remember that accepting the situation won't change your feelings, but it will help you to move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2005
Sun, 05-13-2007 - 8:52pm
Thank you youve helped me how do you stop wanting to be with them. I just wish I could hit the button in his brain that would make him relise that Hello Im right over here and would be great for him and treat him wonderfully. ok enough gushing.
Yes I do try to hang out with other friends. or when I know he is going to be somewhere avoid him. or just do something else which helps
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Sun, 05-13-2007 - 9:31pm

You don't stop wanting to be with him. You can't....I know I've tried. I also wish there was a magic button, but the reality of it is that if he wanted to be with you, he would have acted on it. I know that's harsh and the first time someone said that to me I wanted to smack them. LOL Reality sucks.

What has helped me was making an effort to fill up the holes with other things. I got into yoga, started working on my novels again, threw myself into my schoolwork, job and kids, and got involved in church. All of these activities have served to take up time, which provided immediate relief. And in the long term I've discovered who I am as a person. I learned to like myself, whether or not some guy wants to be with me.

So, you can't make yourself not want him, but you can make yourself like who you are. In doing that, you'll realize he's an idiot for not wanting someone as amazing as you are, and that's HIS problem, not yours!

You deserve someone who will want to be with you, and who will jump over hurdles to show you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2005
Sun, 05-13-2007 - 10:22pm
I am trying to get into new things. Church However is going to be hard because thats how we met and we both are involved with the same class fun huh I have thought about joining a new class but I just dont feel the need you know. I also have health issues which prevent me from doing alot but thats for another message.
I am getting into writting Journaling and ir is very Theraputic. I admit I do think Im a good person and I cant figure out why he cant see it. It was just so werid right after I told him I was over him that one time he seemed to spend alot of time trying to be around me or making up for it. GUYS ur right he is an idiot I wish I could tell him soo. I am mainly talking To God about the situation, asking God if God will change his heart so he will wake up and see what he is missing because that is the only thing I know to do.
Jen
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Sun, 05-13-2007 - 10:57pm

God is the only one who can change a person's heart, but maybe this guy's heart isn't meant to be changed. Maybe God has something better in mind for you! I heard a saying once: "if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans!" Imagine that your life is a parade, and you are sitting on the side of the street. The only thing you can see is one float at a time. You have no idea what is coming up next. But God knows. He has a bird's eye view of the entire parade, and He only plans good things for those who love him. Even the bad times will be turned to good. I've found this out the hard way, but I'm learning to appreciate my heartbreak, because it has a purpose. You may not know what it is, but it is there just waiting for the right time to be discovered.

This bible verse has helped me so much: ..."there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me, but he said to me, 'my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'" (2 corinthians 12:7)

We can't always explain the things that come into our lives. We may never understand why God would let us love someone when it will not be returned, but just know that there is One who will always love you and who will never leave you. He knows you deserve only someone who will appreciate you and love you completely.

I just keep looking ahead to the moment when I'll be standing at the alter and getting married to the TRUE love of my life, and I'll be thanking God for not letting Chris keep me from meeting the man that God had intended for me all along.

I'm watching "Under the Tuscan Sun" right now. If you've never seen it, I HIGHLY recommend it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2005
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 7:42pm
OH I love that movie In fact I own it. Thank you for the verse. It makes me see along with my talks with God that I should just wait and be patient on Him. I just have these emotions when sometimes Im like I cant go another minute with out him by my side but then other times Ilike hey Im doing ok you know. I really hope I can keep my feelings under wraps I dont want everyone to much you know. but oh well