Casual hookups
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| Fri, 02-09-2007 - 3:28pm |
Some of the members on this board are concerned that I'm trying to "manipulate" girls into sleeping with me, which completely baffles me. How is it anymore "manipulative" than a girl putting on some make up, doing her hair and a revealing outfit to snag a guy? How is any more "manipulative" than all the articles in Cosmo and Seventeen and so forth that say "10 Secrets to Keep Your Man on His Toes" or "The Benefits of Playing Hard to Get"? You ladies are constantly studying secrets and techniques to get what you want out of guys, so why is it wrong for me to try and learn secrets and techniques on getting what I want out of girls?
If you're concerned that I want to be the type of guy who tells a girl he loves her then sleeps with 1 or 2 other girls behind or back, or the type of guy who lies about himself to sleep with her, I'm not. I don't want to be that type of guy, because those types of guys hurt me too, not be cheating or lying to me, but by taking all the girls I want interested in growing up. Even though I was the one putting any real "relationship" work by taking the girl out, getting to know her, providing emotional support and validation when she needed it, it was those guys who reaped all the sexual benefits, and it made me unbelievably frustrated, jealous and bitter.
I don't want to be those types of guys, but at the same time, I don't want to be the guy girls never touch yet still come to just to spill their problems to and get validation from. I don't see why that is wrong.
Eitherway, if it still concerns you that I'm trying to "manipulate" girls, then maybe you can help me get what I want without "manipulation." How do you find girls who're interested in purely casual, no-strings-attached sex? How do you get girls who may not be interested at first interested in casually hooking up? I've tried going to clubs and parties but I haven't found any success anywhere.
I really appreciate the advice some of you have given me here, but at the same time, I'm a little bit frustrated that most of that advice is geared towards building "meaningful" and "successful relationships." Why should I have to put all the time, work in effort into building a serious relationship when there are guys hooking up with girls they just met 2 hours before at the local party house off campus every Thursday night?
So basically, all I'm asking is what does it take to casually hookup? And if some of the women here ever had casual sex when they were younger, what did the guy do or say to get them interested?
Edited 2/9/2007 3:45 pm ET by redonculous

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>>>Redonculous
We could try to explain this for months. It's like you asking me how to play the guitar so you can play too. I could explain to you all day about key, major, minor, and barre chords, arpeggio, harmonics, sounds engineering to change the way the notes come out, but you will never learn unless you do it yourself.
Tom<<<
I need atleast a basic starting point though. You told me the goal (in fact, I already knew what the goal was) but knowing the goal is meaningless if you don't know the starting point and the path to the goal.
Like I said, I just want to know how do you flirt? To the women here who have hooked up casually, what did the guy say or do to convince you? How do you build popularity and a strong social base?
Edited 2/11/2007 1:04 pm ET by redonculous
Edited 2/11/2007 1:24 pm ET by rubyshoes03
>>"there are certain girls who just don't care, just like to get drunk and take a guy back to their dorm that night. I want to be one of those guys.">>
oh my goodness...sheesh...i really am speechless....men!..."i want to be one of those guys" who takes advantage of a troubled young girl who gets drunk too often, is too often promiscuous, is probably hungover emotionally as well as physically the next day, feel ashamed of herself, sorry for her risky behavior, acting out due to issues shes not in control of yet...often the case is a female such as that is emotionally disturbed and really how can a man be turned on to "getting lucky" with a girl whos obviously very troubled and not acting in her best interest?
you ask: >>"To the women here who have hooked up casually, what did the guy say or do to convince you?">>...um you could buy a bottle of JD and find some poor girl who may have suffered abuse as a little girl, or a female who is troubled and feeling desperate, and get her inebriated and "get lucky" baby! sounds exciting and oh soo sexy hmm?
ugh.
honey
Edited 2/11/2007 2:08 pm ET by honeynvinegar2003
Redonculous,
Wow! If I understood this posting thread correctly, you just want casual sex. If that is so, just pay a prostitute. Or masturbate. (I do know more than one person who has no problems with masturbation to orgasm, which is even safer with regards to disease and pregnancy prevention.)
On the other hand, it's not true that all women have some partner that they have casual sex with. Contrary to one popular belief, another popular belief is that sex is meaningful to both men and women and that it can be even more enjoyable when practiced in the confines of a loving and monogamous relationship.
Another part of your postings, if I understand correctly, again, is that you want to learn how to flirt online, on a message chat board? Come on, so much is lost in terms of communication, when doing so online. How could we possibly know you well enough to coach you on the fine nuances of flirting.
Surely you must have some friends who are single and can coach you on how to look and feel your best and then to flirt. Flirting is something that comes naturally in the right situation, but you have to figure out what that right situation is first.
And, lastly, I have to say, this is one of the most confusing posts I have seen on this forum. It's true that some singles are into casual sex, but most of the posts on this forum have to do with those who want more than casual sex. It seemed that most of the postings have had to deal with the dilemmas of being single, whether it is being happy and single or dealing with dating and being single, or anything related and inbetween.
That's why I logged on today. Valentine's Day is upcoming and .....it's my second least favorite holiday after New Year's. I was online and read a bunch of related articles on the internet (msn.com) on dating and V-Day, and then I thought to see what this forum had to say on the upcoming holiday. I was utterly and thoroughly thrown off by this posting thread that I just had to reply.
Good luck to you, Redonculous, as you search for meaningless casual sex. I still say just pay a prostitute, it's probably the same as wining and dining a female acquaintance.
Hey there junior, guys get lied to and cheated on just as women do. Not ALL women are fools. The same goes for men. True, some may fall for guises, but not all.
What I was trying to tell you was, don't use any cheesy lines or make up some obnoxious scheme, just be yourself. If you can't be yourself and be confident, if you can't show a girl that you are interested in her while being authentic, then I suggest finding out why before proceeding.
You made a point in this post that I have been meaning to approach with regards to your expectations, questions, and general outlook on women:
Art does not always imitate life, that's a farce. Don't believe what you see in movies, or on television. As a matter of fact, don't always believe what us girls tell you we want especially, when we are in our early twenties. We don't KNOW what we really want when we're in our early twenties. We may think we do . . .
I've worded this differently before, but I'm bored so I don't mind being redundant. You shouldn't have to CONVINCE a girl to lay with you. This is where movies and television have lied to you. Most girls, no matter how dumb you may think we are, will not fall for this idiocy. If I had a dollar for every time I had some cheesed*ck in my twenties tell me that I had to do this or do that because he needed a release or his **** would explode, or because he loved me, or "you don't know what you're missing" or, "you're chicken" . . .
Someone else has mentioned this, but this is where God's humor comes into play. We have something you want but you can't have it just because you want it and just when you think you're about to get it, guess what?
The second that you think you need to do some convincing, stop yourself, then go home and watch a "movie". The girl will probably have a lot more respect for you. Trust me, you want them to respect you. If they don't have it, you'll never get it(in most cases).
In response to ethnicook
>>>Redonculous,
Wow! If I understood this posting thread correctly, you just want casual sex. If that is so, just pay a prostitute. Or masturbate. (I do know more than one person who has no problems with masturbation to orgasm, which is even safer with regards to disease and pregnancy prevention.)<<<
I don’t want a girl to have sex with me because I paid her $200 or $300. I want her to have sex with me because I desire her and she desires me back. I’m tired of masturbating. Do you know how disheartening and humiliating it feels to return from a party or a club and have to resort to your hand because you couldn’t find someone who is interested?
>>>On the other hand, it's not true that all women have some partner that they have casual sex with. Contrary to one popular belief, another popular belief is that sex is meaningful to both men and women and that it can be even more enjoyable when practiced in the confines of a loving and monogamous relationship.<<<
I’m not saying that all women have some partner they frequently have casual sex with. What I meant was that MOST women, even those that are dead-set against casual sex in general, have had 1 or 2 guys they made an exception for.
>>>Another part of your postings, if I understand correctly, again, is that you want to learn how to flirt online, on a message chat board? Come on, so much is lost in terms of communication, when doing so online. How could we possibly know you well enough to coach you on the fine nuances of flirting.<<<
I don’t know where you got that. I never said I wanted to flirt online. I said I want to learn how to flirt in person. I want to know what I can say to a girl (that I walked up to in person) so that she thinks I’m a cool, funny, easy-going guy. Like I said, I don’t know how to flirt. All I know are things like, “What’s your name? What’s your major? I like your hair by the way.” That’s not flirting. It’s just talking normally. I really can’t think on my toes the spot for flirty or witty things to say, and I think it makes girls think I’m a dull and boring guy.
Please. All I want to know is how to flirt. I just want to know some of the things guys have said to you that you thought were charming and witty and flirty. Why have none of you been willing to tell me that?
>>>Surely you must have some friends who are single and can coach you on how to look and feel your best and then to flirt. Flirting is something that comes naturally in the right situation, but you have to figure out what that right situation is first.<<<
No. Like I said, I only have a few friends, and they have the same problems with girls I do. They can barely get a date themselves. It’s not that they’re bad guys, it’s just that they’re very shy, not very popular and lose their confidence around girls.
Why can’t you give me some examples.?
>>>And, lastly, I have to say, this is one of the most confusing posts I have seen on this forum. It's true that some singles are into casual sex, but most of the posts on this forum have to do with those who want more than casual sex. It seemed that most of the postings have had to deal with the dilemmas of being single, whether it is being happy and single or dealing with dating and being single, or anything related and inbetween.
That's why I logged on today. Valentine's Day is upcoming and .....it's my second least favorite holiday after New Year's. I was online and read a bunch of related articles on the internet (msn.com) on dating and V-Day, and then I thought to see what this forum had to say on the upcoming holiday. I was utterly and thoroughly thrown off by this posting thread that I just had to reply.<<<
I don’t know how I can make this any simpler. I’ve tried explaining it several times, but here it goes again.
I’m a male. Being a male, I want to have sex. I also want to have sex because I’m a virgin and want to know what it’s like to have sex for the first time. I don’t care how I go about achieving sex (as long as it’s not with a prostitute). I don’t care if I get sex through a serious relationship or a one night stand; I just want to have sex.
I’ve tried building relationships with girls. I’ve tried asking girls out. I’ve tried taking girls out. I’ve tried getting to know girls on a personal level. I’ve tried being friends with girls. I’ve tried offering my emotional support and validation when they were going through some hard times, but those never materialized into anything sexual. I never even got a kiss from any of those girls.
Since I am incapable of building relationships with girls, I want to abandon the relationship-route and take a shot at the casual-hookup-route.
>>>Good luck to you, Redonculous, as you search for meaningless casual sex. I still say just pay a prostitute, it's probably the same as wining and dining a female acquaintance.<<<
Sex is NOT meaningless. Even if it’s just a “sleazy” one night stand, there is nothing meaningless about it. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a guy or how important sex is to us? You may think that all men are just horny buffoons, but you have no idea what it’s like to have this desire constantly raging inside of us, or how frustrating and painful it is when that desire goes unfulfilled. Being a woman, the only time you actually crave sex is when you’re ovulating, which is, what, 2 or 3 days a months? Men feel this way every hour of every day. You have no idea what it’s like to have movies, television, society, even people telling you you’re a “loser” and a “nerd” because you’re a guy and you’ve never had sex before.
On my friend’s 18th birthday, we decided to celebrate by getting drunk. But instead of being happy for his 18th birthday, he broke down and cried on my shoulder because he was 18 years old and was still a virgin. Like me, he never even kissed a girl before, and that shame and all that unfulfilled desire overwhelmed him, and I had to comfort him and re-assure him for the rest of the night. But it overwhelms me sometimes as well.
A man’s desire for sex isn’t the same as a desire for a candy bar or a beer. It’s the same as the desire for food or water when you’ve had nothing to eat or drink all day. It’s the same as the desire for air when you’re holding your breath underwater. And when that desire goes unfulfilled, it really does hurt both physically and emotionally. I don’t understand why this is so difficult for so many women to understand.
In response to cfk_3
>>>You made a point in this post that I have been meaning to approach with regards to your expectations, questions, and general outlook on women:
Art does not always imitate life, that's a farce. Don't believe what you see in movies, or on television. As a matter of fact, don't always believe what us girls tell you we want especially, when we are in our early twenties. We don't KNOW what we really want when we're in our early twenties. We may think we do . . .<<<
Thank you for admitting that. Really, I appreciate your honesty in what girls really desire.
>>>Someone else has mentioned this, but this is where God's humor comes into play. We have something you want but you can't have it just because you want it and just when you think you're about to get it, guess what?<<<
Like I said, how can I stop that desire? I’m a guy. It’s not like I can willingly turn it on or off like a light switch.
>>>The second that you think you need to do some convincing, stop yourself, then go home and watch a "movie". The girl will probably have a lot more respect for you. Trust me, you want them to respect you. If they don't have it, you'll never get it(in most cases).<<<
Isn’t “flirting” or “gaming” a form of convincing?
I never tried to “convince” any of the girls I knew when I was younger. I just waited around and was there for them, hoping that one day they’d realize appreciate the times I was there for them and give themselves to me. Why didn’t that ever happen.
Look. I don’t understand why this is getting so complicated. Why is it so much to ask how to flirt? Why can’t you or any of the other women in this board tell me some of the things guys have said to you that you thought were cute or funny or charming or witty or flirty? Why can’t you or any of the other women in this board tell me some of the things guys had to say or do to get you to hook up with them?
In response to honeynvinegar2003
>>>oh my goodness...sheesh...i really am speechless....men!..."i want to be one of those guys" who takes advantage of a troubled young girl who gets drunk too often, is too often promiscuous, is probably hungover emotionally as well as physically the next day, feel ashamed of herself, sorry for her risky behavior, acting out due to issues shes not in control of yet...often the case is a female such as that is emotionally disturbed and really how can a man be turned on to "getting lucky" with a girl whos obviously very troubled and not acting in her best interest?<<<
That is absurd.
1) Why do you assume all girls who have no qualms about casual sex are troubled and have issues?
2) Why is it the guy's fault for sleeping with her? The girl willingly chose to sleep with him. The girl willingly chose to go to the party. She willingly chose to chug down 3 or 4 beers. She willingly chose to start flirting with a guy and invite him back to her room. Even IF she is troubled and has issues, why isn't she at fault for not having control over her emotions and actions?
>>"What I meant was that MOST women, even those that are dead-set against casual sex in general, have had 1 or 2 guys they made an exception for.">>
in my personal experience, observation, and opinion, MOST women who have engaged in annonymous, quickie, casual sex, who have "made an exception for 1 or 2 guys", did so because of being a troubled woman or a woman intoxicated...sure, i know plenty of women who have had a one-niter...myself included...i can say not ONE has ever expressed it was a positive or pleasurable or proud encounter...most will admit it was based in some troubling issue...i had a high school girlfriend who was "easy"...men probably thought of her as lured to the sex...but truly she was desperate for love and confused enough to consider giving men sex would garner her love and sadly she admitted to us females she had NEVER achieved an orgasm with any of those men...to be honest, i've never been sexually satisfied by a one-niter either which is why i would NEVER waste my time again...why bother if its only gonna be frustrating for me anyway?!....never has a woman EVER exclaimed to me "wow that was a sexy experience last nite! glad i'll never see HIM again!".
you say lack of sex hurts men "emotionally", and you ask us to understand that you hope for "emotional" healing by having even a "sleazy one-night stand"?...and you further hope that some strange female is going to willingly want to ease your "emotional" angst by providing you with some sex?...you hope some some woman is gonna come along eager to let you lose your virginity in her bed just to be generous to you, hmmm?...you claim its "humiliating" to masturbate after a nite of clubbing, so it seems you'd prefer to probably leave some female "humiliated" instead to be your conquest, your desired one-nite-stand, eh?
they say prostitution is the oldest profession, i sincerely can't imagine any other way you will be assured some "emotional" release you speak of.
honey
Edited 2/11/2007 8:36 pm ET by honeynvinegar2003
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