Casual hookups
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| Fri, 02-09-2007 - 3:28pm |
Some of the members on this board are concerned that I'm trying to "manipulate" girls into sleeping with me, which completely baffles me. How is it anymore "manipulative" than a girl putting on some make up, doing her hair and a revealing outfit to snag a guy? How is any more "manipulative" than all the articles in Cosmo and Seventeen and so forth that say "10 Secrets to Keep Your Man on His Toes" or "The Benefits of Playing Hard to Get"? You ladies are constantly studying secrets and techniques to get what you want out of guys, so why is it wrong for me to try and learn secrets and techniques on getting what I want out of girls?
If you're concerned that I want to be the type of guy who tells a girl he loves her then sleeps with 1 or 2 other girls behind or back, or the type of guy who lies about himself to sleep with her, I'm not. I don't want to be that type of guy, because those types of guys hurt me too, not be cheating or lying to me, but by taking all the girls I want interested in growing up. Even though I was the one putting any real "relationship" work by taking the girl out, getting to know her, providing emotional support and validation when she needed it, it was those guys who reaped all the sexual benefits, and it made me unbelievably frustrated, jealous and bitter.
I don't want to be those types of guys, but at the same time, I don't want to be the guy girls never touch yet still come to just to spill their problems to and get validation from. I don't see why that is wrong.
Eitherway, if it still concerns you that I'm trying to "manipulate" girls, then maybe you can help me get what I want without "manipulation." How do you find girls who're interested in purely casual, no-strings-attached sex? How do you get girls who may not be interested at first interested in casually hooking up? I've tried going to clubs and parties but I haven't found any success anywhere.
I really appreciate the advice some of you have given me here, but at the same time, I'm a little bit frustrated that most of that advice is geared towards building "meaningful" and "successful relationships." Why should I have to put all the time, work in effort into building a serious relationship when there are guys hooking up with girls they just met 2 hours before at the local party house off campus every Thursday night?
So basically, all I'm asking is what does it take to casually hookup? And if some of the women here ever had casual sex when they were younger, what did the guy do or say to get them interested?
Edited 2/9/2007 3:45 pm ET by redonculous

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>>"Even IF she is troubled and has issues, why isn't she at fault for not having control over her emotions and actions?">>
oh you can fault her all you want...my question to you is HOW could you feel turned on, sexually aroused to imagine you are likely causing angst to some troubled girl?..whats so sexy about taking advantage of a person weakened by too much partying and intoxication?... that she might be inclined to puke during sex with you or pass out and be non-responsive or be doing something shes gonna feel humililated about in the morning or passing on or being exposed to an STD, thats a sexy encounter to you?
honey
>>>you say lack of sex hurts men "emotionally", and you ask us to understand that you hope for "emotional" healing by having even a "sleazy one-night stand"?...and you further hope that some strange female is going to willingly want to ease your "emotional" angst by providing you with some sex?...you hope some some woman is gonna come along eager to let you lose your virginity in her bed just to be generous to you, hmmm?...you claim its "humiliating" to masturbate after a nite of clubbing, so it seems you'd prefer to probably leave some female "humiliated" instead to be your conquest, your desired one-nite-stand, eh?<<<
Why would she be "humiliated"?
If a girl is left feeling hurt/disappointed/humiliated by casual sex, it's because she attached some unrealistic expectations to it. But either way, it was her choice and her expectations, so why is it the guys fault? And once again, why am I a bad person for desiring sex? Why are you trying to make me out as the bad guy?
>>>oh you can fault her all you want...my question to you is HOW could you feel turned on, sexually aroused to imagine you are likely causing angst to some troubled girl?..whats so sexy about taking advantage of a person weakened by too much partying and intoxication?... that she might be inclined to puke during sex with you or pass out and be non-responsive or be doing something shes gonna feel humililated about in the morning or passing on or being exposed to an STD, thats a sexy encounter to you?<<<
I wouldn't feel turned on if I imagine I was causing angst to some troubled girl.
But the way I'm seeing it, I'm not causing angst to some troubled girl by sleeping with her when she is perfectly willing.
1) I wouldn't sleep with a girl who was completely trashed out of her mind.
2) Condoms.
YOU ARE MAKING A BIG DEAL OUT OF NOTHING!
Edited 2/11/2007 8:43 pm ET by redonculous
Edited 2/11/2007 8:45 pm ET by redonculous
Let's be honest here, we've given you pointers, plenty of them. Are you sure you aren't just enjoying some of this attention you get when you "accidentally" get our feathers all ruffled? I think you may ; )
I don't really have the will to coach you on flirting right now, I just chased down a very fast Greyhound who got loose and it's a thousand wonders that the security guards caught her. I know that if I felt like it, I could go back through the NUMEROUS responses that you have gotten on some of your threads, copy and paste the many EXCELLENT tips you have recieved, but as I indicated, I don't have it in me tonight. I'll leave you to it.
If all else fails, there's a wonderful resource at your fingertips. It's a search engine called GOOGLE. Maybe you've heard of it ; ) Just type in "How to flirt with women", that should do the trick.
Good luck.
>>>Let's be honest here, we've given you pointers, plenty of them.<<<
Not really. I was told I have to flirt. That was pretty obvious from the beginning, I already knew that I had to flirt. But when I asked specifically HOW to flirt and no one has answered. I've received a lot of dodges from my question ("We can tell you all you want, but it's pointless unless you do it yourself" or "every girl is different, not one thing will work with all women" etc etc.)
>>>Are you sure you aren't just enjoying some of this attention you get when you "accidentally" get our feathers all ruffled? I think you may ; ) <<<
I just want a straight simple answer. I'm tired of all this over-analyzing and I shouldn't have to defend my goals and motives.
Please. My question is simple. How do you flirt? Why can't you just tell me some of things guys that you've slept with said to you that you thought were cute, funny, witty, charming or flirty? Please, just tell me that.
>>>If all else fails, there's a wonderful resource at your fingertips. It's a search engine called GOOGLE. Maybe you've heard of it ; ) Just type in "How to flirt with women", that should do the trick.<<<
I've already tried that, but most of the articles are vague and basically say the same thing. "Smile." "Be confident." "Joke around." Without specifically telling you what to say or how to joke around. I just want to hear some real life examples. Why is that so much to ask for?
Edited 2/11/2007 9:12 pm ET by redonculous
What does a girl have to do to get you all warm and tingly? Does she compliment your athletic prowess? Does she giggle at every other word that falls out your mouth? Does she shuffle her feet around, not knowing what to say? Does she blush ever so slightly?
Some flirting takes effort, but sometimes it comes naturally, subconsciously. We are not all that different, men and women. Just think of all the ways you would like to be approached or have your ego stroked and apply the same to the object of your desire. It really isn't that difficult.
I cannot sit here and recall witty remarks, compliments, or lines that men may or may not have laid on me throughout my dating years but another reason why I cannot answer your question is because I am not the type of woman you are seeking. I would not sleep with a man simply because he paid me a little bit of attention or was witty or bought me drinks. Sorry that I cannot help you there. It's about the entire package for me and I would guess the same goes for the majority of women out there.
>>>What does a girl have to do to get you all warm and tingly? Does she compliment your athletic prowess? Does she giggle at every other word that falls out your mouth? Does she shuffle her feet around, not knowing what to say? Does she blush ever so slightly?<<<
She just has to have a cute face and talk to me. It may be pathetic, but that's what gets me warm and tingly. I've never had a girl compliment me or blush or shuffle her feet around me, so even just a smile is enough to blow me away.
OK...Dude...seriously...you REALLY need to go back over all of your threads that you've started and read everything that was said. I'm actually yelling at the computer like I yell at the TV during a football game. I think I speak for everybody when I say you are a walking contradiction.
"How do you flirt" and "I never said I wanted to flirt online" is one example of your many contradictions...watch others do it. It's such a complicated answer, there have been THOUSANDS of books written on the subject
If you are that horny all the time, get a hobby! The horniness will go away when you get married...ask any married couple. You have serious insecurity issues and like I mentioned before, you're NEVER gonna get laid if women smell desperation.
Nobody here is gonna hop a plane to show you how to do it in person and it's pretty much impossible to do it any other way. And I don't think any of the women here are going to volunteer any more toward your quest than what has already been given
If there's ever been a thread that needs to be locked, deleted, whatever, it's this one. Feisty, you were right, I should have stuck with my beliefs...lol. Cfk...you have the patience of a saint and smart as a whip too. I'm deleting this post from my mind, forever, gone.
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