Casual hookups

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Casual hookups
35
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 3:28pm

Some of the members on this board are concerned that I'm trying to "manipulate" girls into sleeping with me, which completely baffles me. How is it anymore "manipulative" than a girl putting on some make up, doing her hair and a revealing outfit to snag a guy? How is any more "manipulative" than all the articles in Cosmo and Seventeen and so forth that say "10 Secrets to Keep Your Man on His Toes" or "The Benefits of Playing Hard to Get"? You ladies are constantly studying secrets and techniques to get what you want out of guys, so why is it wrong for me to try and learn secrets and techniques on getting what I want out of girls?

If you're concerned that I want to be the type of guy who tells a girl he loves her then sleeps with 1 or 2 other girls behind or back, or the type of guy who lies about himself to sleep with her, I'm not. I don't want to be that type of guy, because those types of guys hurt me too, not be cheating or lying to me, but by taking all the girls I want interested in growing up. Even though I was the one putting any real "relationship" work by taking the girl out, getting to know her, providing emotional support and validation when she needed it, it was those guys who reaped all the sexual benefits, and it made me unbelievably frustrated, jealous and bitter.

I don't want to be those types of guys, but at the same time, I don't want to be the guy girls never touch yet still come to just to spill their problems to and get validation from. I don't see why that is wrong.

Eitherway, if it still concerns you that I'm trying to "manipulate" girls, then maybe you can help me get what I want without "manipulation." How do you find girls who're interested in purely casual, no-strings-attached sex? How do you get girls who may not be interested at first interested in casually hooking up? I've tried going to clubs and parties but I haven't found any success anywhere.

I really appreciate the advice some of you have given me here, but at the same time, I'm a little bit frustrated that most of that advice is geared towards building "meaningful" and "successful relationships." Why should I have to put all the time, work in effort into building a serious relationship when there are guys hooking up with girls they just met 2 hours before at the local party house off campus every Thursday night?

So basically, all I'm asking is what does it take to casually hookup? And if some of the women here ever had casual sex when they were younger, what did the guy do or say to get them interested?




Edited 2/9/2007 3:45 pm ET by redonculous

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 11:06am

This is getting absurd.

Why can't ANY of you tell me just one thing I can go up to a girl and say that's cute or charming are flirty?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 11:51am

I agree - this IS absurd and this thread has been really making me laugh. And here's why -
There is no script that you can memorize to flirt with a girl - or anyone for that matter. And there is no "magic" line to give a girl to get her to go to bed with you.

The fact that you seem to think there is is what's comical.

As another poster said, no one can do this for you. And no one can "teach" you how to do this - especially from a computer. This is not a college class. These are social skills. The only way to do this is by getting out there in the world, at a bar, at a party, etc., and making mistakes and figuring out what works and what doesn't. Trial and error. Furthermore, what works with one person isn't going to work with another. That's how you hone your skills.

Sorry. There's no script to follow. You just have to figure it out for yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 12:49pm

Okay, I am really really REALLY sorry to be saying this to you because I know you're a frustrated young man...but honestly, these posts are starting to make me very tired.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2007
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 12:56pm


First and foremost: - you have to be stunning, and the particular girl's exact physical type. My type is a very tall and very skinny long black haired bloke dressed like an 80s rock star. No matter how brilliant your sense of humour or inventive your chat up lines, I will not even give you a second glance if you do not fit this description. Being funny and relaxed and confident helps.

Second - the girl has to be in the right frame of mind/mood, at the right point in her life/year/month or week, and of the right age - I was very much into the whole ONS culture in my early twenties; now in mid thirties it is 'no way in he** for any money'.

Third - she must just absolutely fancy you like mad. Not a little bit or 'he may grow on me'. Fancy you like CRAZY.

That's basically it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2007
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 1:34pm

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