Changing men?
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Changing men?
| Tue, 07-04-2006 - 12:23am |
I saw some article on here titled "will he let you change him?"
Ok so do women look for men that will marry them and then try to break them down and change them into the person they want them to be? Is this what I have to look forward to?

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Some women do this and its because they have their own issues. A mature emotionally healthy woman will not attempt to change a man and will accept him for everything, good and bad.
>Ok so do women look for men that will marry them
>and then try to break them down and change them
>into the person they want them to be?
This is the perfect recipe for divorce.
Marriage demands changes.
I'm with you on this one, kcole. I dated men who were, shall we say, less than 'together' when I was younger. I didn't try to change them but I was always up for a project. I am well beyond that phase in my dating life. While nobody is perfect and we all grow and change throughout our lives, I want a man who impresses me with who he is now. Any man that I meet and would want to change doesn't even appeal to me anymore. I just am not attracted to someone who I feel would have to change to be in a healthy relationship with me.
I believe there are some women who try to change men into what they want them to be, instead of letting them go and searching for the right guy who already IS what she wants.
Change is bound to happen in any long-term relationship. While all the blame is on us women for trying to change men, we women are at fault too for changing ourselves to accomodate men.
For instance, making a point of learning the rules of an athletic game you really didn't care about before, and going with your bf to sports bar when his favorite team is in the finals. does this sound familiar?
how about the one girl friend we all have who gave up on her dreams and followed her guy to another city to be with him? Or the other girl friend who doesn't spend as much time with you as she used to because her guy demands too much time from her?
Let's face it, change goes both ways and in an ideal relationship both people are very aware of their own identity, their own willingness to change and their partner's willingness to change.
That being said, not all change is negative - a woman helping her bf/husband dress better can indirectly help him in the work place, and though no one got promoted for just dressing better, it can certainly help.
In reply to what Stacey's message, I would have to agree with her.
A problem with many women is that they remain in a (or even begin looking for) less-than-ideal relationship with hopes that in time he'll change his negative habits with the help of all the love from her good heart. This is a particular symptom in an emotionally abusive relationship and this hopeful process changes both people. This is why it is particularly important for there to be a balance in a relationship, fluid communication, and respect for each other (because like it or not, there will be one trait of your significant other that no one can change, unless he/she conciously wants to).
And Hal, you needn't worry about a woman trying to change you. When you're in the right relationship, you'll find that you'll be willing to make compromises and change, but that these changes will only be in the direction of your own self-growth and likewise for your partner.
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