Changing your life?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Changing your life?
9
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 9:44am

Someone here made a comment a few days ago about deciding to make some major life changes and that it turned things around for her.

I know I need to do some soul-searching and life-changing myself. In particular, I need to look for a new job. I also need to "fish in a better pond" (as my friend's dad would say) where men are concerned. My problem? I am so drained and so tired from just living and surviving that I don't have a lot of energy to make the significant changes I need to make.

Have any of you made serious life changes? Or little ones that turned out to be more dramatic than you thought? How did you build the motivation to do it, and where did you start?

I am feeling an incredible sense of inertia right now and need some inspiration. :)

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 9:56am

Hi Tallgirl!

I've posted enough about my life and how I'm dragging through it :) so I won't go too much into it, but, yeah, about four or five years ago I decided "enough!" and got on a diet plan, lost about 60 pounds, and then went back to school, which I'm still struggling with.

Where did the motivation come from? Er - this is probably not the best answer but it's the truth. I did it because I was sick of men not giving me a second look. That's the *primary* reason of course, I also did it for health reasons (diabetes, hypertention both run in my family), and to secure a better career. But the motivation actually came from a man who I was REALLY REALLY into and he very basically said he wasn't attracted to me because of my financial and health status. That stung, but it's what I needed because deep down I knew he was right.

I'm now trying to re-gather that motivation back again because I've fallen off the diet wagon with all this school work. I've gained about 10 pounds back and I don't want to go any further. But the ONLY real time I have to go to the gym would be in the morning before work - from 6 to 7 a.m. And it's a struggle for me to get my rear out of bed that early.

Maybe we can motivate each other! :) Good luck with whatever you decide to do though. What changes do *you* think you need to make?

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 10:08am

I guess my major life changes have always included moving.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 11:02am

>> Maybe we can motivate each other! :) Good luck with whatever you decide to do though. What changes do *you* think you need to make? <<

It's hard to admit this in a public forum, but I think I've been selling myself short. As confident as I may seem on the outside, there's always this underlying feeling of not measuring up. I think it holds me back from pursuing the next step in my career (and eventually starting my own business). I also think it holds me back from connecting with people fully, especially men. I have been really hurt in the past, and I can feel myself getting more and more guarded with every new date I have. I think it has contributed to my recent string of first dates but no second dates. :( When I was younger, I used to share my thoughts/ideas/feelings so easily with people, and I connected quickly. Now, someone really has to make an effort to "get in."

My dad made a comment the other night about his friend's kids. Apparently, this friend has five grown kids. Three are doctors (one has a Ph.D. in economics AND an M.D.). Another makes seven figures as a CEO of some bigwig company. They all, of course, have amazing families and homes. My dad wasn't sharing this information to make me feel bad, but of course I start comparing my life to these "perfect kids." (my response, however, is that I doubt their family lives are all they are cracked up to be if they are all married to their careers).

So, first thing is to figure out how to truly live by my philosophy that a simple life is a better life and learning to live in and appreciate the moment. Then, I need to figure out my next steps for moving my career along without sacrificing that simpler life, and then figure out a way to connect more with people. A tall order. :)

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 11:06am

>>I guess my major life changes have always included moving.<<

I have never lived anywhere but Colorado. I sometimes wonder if I should try out another place, at least for a little while. I know it would help get me out of my comfort zone a bit, and also see the world from a bit of a different perspective.

Now that I own a home, and because my parents are getting older and have health challenges, I am much less inclined to move. I would LOVE to live in another country for a year, though.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 11:09am

I've had to cut someone, a friend, out of my life. We were close. I was in her wedding. It was actually quite painless. I happened to be moving at the time I made this decision so the timing was ideal. I miss her now and again but it was for the best. I wouldn't say that it was a toxic relationship, but I was at a point in my life where I wanted to grow, evolve and I felt stifled around her. She had her good points but, for example, after spending a couple of hours with her, instead of feeling uplifted, rejuvenated, I would have this heavy, sinking feeling. I think there are bad matches that occur in life that aren't necessarily romantic relationships. This was one of those.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 11:17am

>>She had her good points but, for example, after spending a couple of hours with her, instead of feeling uplifted, rejuvenated, I would have this heavy, sinking feeling.<<

That's a great example of deciding to put yourself first and not settling for bad behavior from anyone in your life. Good for you.

I had a friend like that as well. We would go out for monthly girls dinners, and three of us would leave upset or in tears every time because of the fourth one. Awful. We had been friends since second grade, but it was definitely a good decision to set her loose.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 11:50am

Do it!! :) Being single is the perfect excuse to move...and a benefit of being single. If you're all tied down, it's a hell of a lot harder to up and move.

I lived in London for half a year (granted I was a student, but still) and it was the BEST half-year of my life, and a huge....I wouldn't say life altering, but it changed my outlook on everything. If I could go back, if London were in this country or easier to emigrate to, I would in a HEARTBEAT...I only went there because I wanted to go to Europe and my French was still a little dodgy, but I absolutely fell in love with the city. I love Boston and it'll always be my home, but London is probably my favorite city I've been to.

Anyway, I've toyed with the idea of moving for the past few months....I want to work at a university, if possible, and get my Masters for free, but there aren't really any schools that I REALLY want to go to around here (save maybe for Harvard, if I could get a job there) and I'm just getting a little bored and restless....however, NY is just as expensive (and I'm not a huge fan of the city) and DC and Philly I'm not too sure about (I've never been there). I still want to live in a major city on the east coast and would like to go to an Ivy or close to it (the main reason I'm getting my Masters is to decide whether or not I want a PhD to teach/research, so a good school's important), so my options are pretty limited...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 1:03pm
Good post topic! It does take a lot of courage and motivation to make changes especially the big ones but the motivation for me was fear of making the same mistakes in my life over and over and not learning to love myself and have the courage to make better decisions to take care of myself even if they are tough decisions.
My most recent major change in my life is going to self help groups, counseling, talking to supportive friends etc etc so that I could learn to love myself more and not be so negative. I'm learning to change my self talk and the way that I see things and not to feel like the victim anymore. Setting boundaries and not allowing others to get to me is a biggie lately.
Another big change for me was purchasing my condo a few years back. It was VERY scary to do and have had so many challenging times with that but it's taught me self-reliance and perserverance and how to be resourceful. I know that you have purchased a home so that's probably definately giving you some challenges too.
Of course the third change is learning to leave love relationships that are no longer healthy or make me happy. This one was definately the most difficult because of my tendency to be codependent.
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 3:43pm

I find having a workout buddy helps me to deal with inertia. So how about a "life change buddy?"

Make each other accountable by checking in regularly, setting specific goals and a timetable for each milestone towards that goal, encouraging each other, reporting in to him/her for each milestone.

It helps if your buddy needs to change as well so that it's a mutual activity/support.

Mark