The chase

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
The chase
41
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 2:10pm

Elwood inspired this post, although it's something I've been thinking of for the past week or so.


Most of us seem to be in agreement that men like to chase.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 7:37pm
Shy, forgive me if this is repetitious, I haven't had a chance to read all of the replies yet. When he asks you out, (assuming it's when you aren't available) why not come back with: "I can't on X day. How about X day of X week? Does that work for you?"
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 8:30pm

He was walking on eggshells.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 8:32pm

I can...if he calls to actually set up the date!

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 8:46pm
It seems like you are really interested in him so, my fingers are crossed for you. As for the other, I say go for it. It will only prove to him that you aren't going to allow this opportunity slip through your fingers. That's a good thing!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 9:37pm

****It only took one like that for me to be really cautious.*****

I usually don’t kiss on the first date, (really kiss) . . frankly unless it is really, really obvious she wants me too . . I try hard to wait for the third date . . I accutually know people need time to catch up. (-: I ‘ll have to fighure out where I read it . . .but first impressions are right 90% of the time . . something like that? You teach, what is the rule with first instinct on a test? Never go back and change an answer . . .second guess. (-: I can’t pick a movie, but I can make life altering desishions without batting an eye. That abailty also I think happed while I was in the service.

OK, so fast crashed and burned . . so has slow, right? And it hurt more because for a while it felt better. I would not trade a moment of my time with my ex . . she was great. I in hind sight I see it had to go this way. But it was one of the happiest times of my life. I’ll take the pain I felt in exchange this time. I learned a lot about myself and what a relationship can be from her. Im sure she is happy to be out, but I am also sure she has no regrets ither. Great things often do hurt. )-;

I see a relationship kind of like . . she is totally her, I am totally me . . we love some of that, hate some of that . . compramise on a bunch of things . . things we can live with and remain our selfs . . the deal breakers are when you have to begin to chage “for” each other and comramise “who you are”. . The one that goes the distance, you work, struggle, compramise . . you just are fouttonate enough not to hit that “deal breaker” . . kid . . I see no safe road to that point . . it is a day by day discovery and wont be answered in a day, a week, a month . . or a year or even ten or twenty . . on what day does that “deal breaker” show itself? You just DO it one day at a time. (-: So what difference does it matter if I trust my gut early rather than late? (-: In the end it leads down the same path. I see nither saftey or danger in trusting myself and my instencts at all. All the caution in the world wont protect you, and very well may cost you. I just go with what I feel. (-: I do look very hard as well, I am not a fool or fool harty . . if I smell a faker . . (-: I look for direct honest woman. I get it wrong too. We all do. (-:

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 9:47pm
Try something new . . tell him what’s up with your time . . and ask him if he would mind if you had a few “phone” dates to hold you over. (-: Be honest, tell him you wish it could be sooner, and it would be great if you could talk just a bit. Make a few calls, then time yourself . . .1/2 hour, offer him an out on the phone call . . some guys hate the phone. Hard to do anything with one hand stuck against your ear. (-: Early on . . .when you are discovering everything about each other . . conversation comes very easy. Might just be what the dr ordered . . did he seem like the type that enjoyed conversation?
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 10:04pm

You are right- slow has crashed and burned as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 10:20pm

He will. And if he doesn’t, call him. And . . 2 ½ hours . . do the phone date idea . . say it however, just suggest that it would be nice to talk some while waiting. And frankly, could even risk a call . . going out of town, what does lunch look like tomorrow. (-: See . . .I don’t know how you girls do it with the do not call rules. Lol I just call. (-:

I will tell you what I would tell my best friend . . don’t worry . . if it is meant to be it will be, don’t pump it up to the point it has no place to go but down. (-:

Stay cooool you

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 12:45pm

>>I ask challenging scary questions sometimes. <<

This is where you would get resistance from me. I don't want to share everything, especially more personal things, with someone I haven't even met yet or have only known a short while. The trust isn't there, and asking the scary questions doesn't build trust with me. I am more than happy to share deeply personal things once I get to know someone better.

Invading my personal space with non-threatening touches is totally fine.

For me, breaking the two-foot rule is hard sometimes because of location. I met one guy at a bar for a drink and we sat at a tall table - the table was fairly wide and we were sitting on opposite sides (his fault, not mine - I sat down first and thought he'd choose the seat next to me). I would have had to stand up and walk around the table to break the barrier. I got the feeling he put the barrier there on purpose and I wasn't about to be that bold.

I did give him a hug when we said goodnight, but even that felt weird. It always feels weird when I do it. It is so much better when the guy does it. Not that it's a rule for me, and it's not that I won't touch him or hug him, but to me it's a sure sign of interest from a guy if he does it first. Oh, and this guy was the one who kept saying he'd call and never did. He ghosted after that.

It's funny - like Shy, I was much better at breaking those physical barriers and flirting when I was in college. Something about the atmosphere and knowing the guy - even if it was just through friends - made it much easier. Meeting a near-stranger out somewhere in public, as opposed to those college house parties, for example, puts an extra pressure on things that makes it difficult.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
In reply to: cl_shywon
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 1:06pm

I don't want to share everything, especially more personal things, with someone I haven't even met yet or have only known a short while. The trust isn't there, and asking the scary questions doesn't build trust with me.
*****************

Well, allow me to remind you "I" have been asking for a lot of advise and opinions lately . . .(-: It's not like I have some deep understanding of dating. (-: What I do know, if I am looking at a "wall" . . I cant see the "person" . . so I am quick and fearless to go after those walls . . not so much deep and personal . . but personal I think. Might be something you say, just a hint of something . .and I will stop you and say, tell me more about that . .And TG, the idea is not to bull doze ALL the walls, just drop one or two low enough to see over . . .if that is comfortable . . .the rest takes care of it self. (How many times have I said that now?) ((-: Core vale. Don't force life, live it.

I pay a great deal of attention to your posts . . you think not so unlike me, your smart, way ahead of me in life, forget when I was in my early 30's . . . I just hope some of what I say clicks in some way you might apply something to your own style, or even see a good man in a different light. (-: Give you a little hope next time you look around a room. ((-: