Cheating...or disloyal...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Cheating...or disloyal...
11
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 2:17pm

I am in an akward situation. I was dating two men when a third reappeared in my life. Guy #3 I dumped...saying don't come back unless you want a LTR. We have discussed at length his change of heart and what he is willing to offer this time around. (And his actions, even according to Deena's rules are in line so far). I dumped one guy b/c we dont' have that "instant click"...but the other guy is my friend. I really like him. We have been talking on the phone & hanging out for a month now - and while I could PRETEND its merely friendship, I know its not. We don't kiss or hug b/c after 10 yrs of anticipation

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 3:33pm
Until I am exclusive it is none of anyone's business who I date. And exclusive to me is only when we have specifically discussed it.

As far as choosing - follow your heart and choose the one whose essence inspires you the most, when it comes time to make that decision.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 4:20pm
i agree with deena.

still, perhaps if things are getting serious, you should remind them that they're not exclusive partners yet...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 4:43pm
I also concur.

And you might consider why he got so indignant w/you; is HE exclusive w/you?

Til you both discuss mutual exclusivity, both of you are still free agents. If it was me, I'd continue to date both and see where it goes.

And your neighbor sure had more nerve than a toothache...

Ash

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 5:08pm
I know...but I do have to cut her some slack...she's had like one date in 7 yrs. I know she is just jealous...not just of all my dating but of my "exciting life". All the neighbours track my every move...I am flattered they think I'm so interesting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 7:15pm
No, you don't have to choose yet. You have feelings for both and are having fun w/both, so I would continue seeing both if I were you. I don't think you're being disloyal or deceptive, but if I were you I think I would have tried to be more open about the fact that you're still seeing other people when the opening came up after your neighbor's inopportune comment. Until you've had The Talk, you are absolutely free to see other people, and I don't generally feel the need to explicitly tell every guy I'm seeing that - but if the issue comes up I am honest and open about it.

Now that the issue HAS come up with one of the guys, I would just tell him that you are still seeing other people.

And good for you, you man-magnet you. :-) Good luck!

ginger

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 7:55pm
Go, my observation is that you have been cycling through a LOT of men. You never seem to be bereft of men you like or date. I see that it is hard for you to *commit* to one, take that risk to see where it leads rather than keeping your options open and juggle all those guys you like and/or who likes you.

I believe that you KNOW what to do, i.e. clear your mind, meditate, and listen to your heart rather than your ego or fears.

Good luck

Mark

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 9:05pm

Go, I really think that you need to let them know that you are dating others.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 1:02am
I re-read my posting and I apologize. It sounds like a lot of busy-body-ness from me. I know I did not address your question directly and I have violated my Cardinal rule, i.e. no direct advice giving (even though people may ask for it).

I still stand by my statement that I know you have the wisdom within.

Sorry for the unwarranted observation.

Namaste'

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 12:02pm
Go,

Good for you. Tell who you want when you want. If either tries to make it exclusive then decide or say you aren't ready. It's none of their business. You are just dating. How would most men react? They would most likely get defensive and disappear because they feel they are being controlled. I think you could be dating ten different guys and not one has to know that there are others. Have fun.

~Chloekins
Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 12:19pm
Mark, you are always welcome to give me advice.

Pages