club/party hookups
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| Sun, 05-06-2007 - 2:00am |
A lot of you have told me that my best bet to hookup would be to hang out at parties and clubs and just talk to drunk girls. First off, I'm not against that. My first and only kiss was a drunken party hookup and I don't regret that or feel ashamed at all. I don't envy those whose first kiss was with their true love on a lake with autumn leaves falling all around. Still though, I'm at a loss as to how to pursue another.
First off, it's really hard to meet girls at parties. There's rarely any parties around my campus where there are more girls than guys. There's this one house where there's always tons of girls, but that's only because the guy who rents it will NOT let any guy in unless he brings at least 2 girls with him. That's actually a house rule; he actually says it. I tagged in with a group of 7 guys and 4 girls. He let all the girls in but only 2 guys and I wasn't one of them. Most of the parties are sausage fests, so I have to compete with a lots of guys for only a few girls. I come well dressed, looking my best, but how do I stand above the guys who have tons of friends with them, who're chatting with everyone, who jump around everywhere when they win a round of beer pong? Most of the time, I just end up leaning against the wall sipping my drink, and I don't even like alcohol that much.
And how to you just go up and talk to a drunk girl? A lot of you say there's a better chance she'll be more receptive, but there's also a better chance she'll be extra harsh in rejecting you. That time I approached a girl at Spring Week and she laughed in my face and told me "not gonna happen" really cut deep into me. I went there determined to meet and talk to girls, but her rejection completely destroyed the will and confidence I had mustered to do so. You all say I shouldn't let rejection hurt me, but it still feel hurt and embarrassed to think about.
And still, what are the "rules" in hooking up with a drunk girl? I know it's considered rape in some instances when a girl has sex when she's drunk, but I'm not sure what are the guidelines or circumstances. I know it's rape rape if she's passed out drunk, but what if she's drunk but still coherent enough to talk and walk around? I know it's rape if he plies her with alcohol, but what if she drinks on her own free will and without his knowledge? Is it rape if she's drunk but he's sober? What if they're both drunk?
I just really, REALLY want to be sure because there was this kid in my high school whose life was basically ruined by false rape charge when he had sex with a drunk girl. The charges were dropped and he was proven innocent when a psychiatrist and hypnotist talked to both of them and determined that the sex was consensual at the time, that she was still coherent at the time and that she had gotten drunk on her own accord and without his knowledge. She didn't understand that just because she regretted hooking up with a guy doesn't mean she was raped and she ended up getting sentenced to community service. Still, they were in court for a few months and the family of the guy ended up having to spend their son's entire college fund on bail and his legal defense. I REALLY don't want the same happening to me.
Edited 5/6/2007 2:30 am ET by redonculous

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YOU'RE the one who brought up the comparison of your co-worker, and the "why can't I be like him??" Or have you forgotten already.
And besides I'm not answering your questions. If you haven't noticed, most of us are really sick of these questions being repeated over and over again.
Figure it out on your own.
redonculous why not try askmen.com
It's a message board just as this only from the MALE perspectve . . . if you can't ask your co-worker how he does it - try some of these guys . . . I don'tthikn ANY of them would take the offense we do to the question of "how drunk=rape" vs "how drunk=consensual" plus they have a "players guide" which some of these guys absolutely swear by as having brought them out into the social scene as you so eagerly want to be.
>>>redonculous why not try askmen.com
It's a message board just as this only from the MALE perspectve . . . if you can't ask your co-worker how he does it - try some of these guys . . . I don'tthikn ANY of them would take the offense we do to the question of "how drunk=rape" vs "how drunk=consensual" plus they have a "players guide" which some of these guys absolutely swear by as having brought them out into the social scene as you so eagerly want to be.<<<
I think it's absurd that some of the women here are offended this question. This is simply my request for clarification on advice OTHER WOMEN on this forum gave to me (and if you give me the time, I'll name names and quote them) OTHER WOMEN told me I should hang around parties and clubs and talk to drunk girls, and I asked for clarification on what conditions is it okay to pursue to back off. If someone's offended by that, why don't they confront the women who suggested this in the first place?
Eitherway, I've read a few askmen articles, but they're pretty general and vague. "Be charming, be confident, be flirty." Okay... HOW do you be charming, confident and flirty? "Don't compliment her of waste time being nice. Let her know that your attention is compliment enough" or something along those lines. Okay... HOW do you let her know your attention is confident enough? More importantly, how do you resist that urge, that little voice you've been old all your life, that tells you to compliment her, faun on her, be overwhelmed by the fact that she's simply looking at you and talking to you?
Eitherway, I really, really don't feel like retelling my story again and arguing defending my views and goals before I get only a little bit of advice by joining another forums. I know a lot of you have been frustrated by me, but I have been frustrated as well. This cycle could end if more of you would just answer my questions. Those few that did, primarily barbarhelene, confuseduk, rubyshoes03 off the top of my head, I'm really greatfull for (I really appreciate not only your advice, but your understanding and support as well)
As for the rest of you, I don't understand your grudge against me. Like I said in my other thread before it got deleted, I think some of you just see me as this guy who just wants to hurt and use women, but I explained why that's an unfair and unreasonable conclusion to come to. I just want to stop being hurt and used, and enjoy my youth while I still have it. Eitherway, I've been really patient, I've been more honest with you than any other man will in his life, I've tried to give advice when I felt I could give it to others. I believe I've earned my place in this forum.
lol . . . happychick as I emailed you last night re: you are my hero :-)
Even when we actually take the bait and TRY to offer something new (at least we think it's a new perspective) it just brings about yet another session of the same "wah wah wah blah blah blah" - - -can't help but read it and then we think OK let's contribute and try to help him . . . only for more "wah wah wah"
I feel like I'm in the back of charlie browns classroom and the teacher just keeps going and going in that muffled voice that we can'tmake out anymore.
Hey mate, im sorry to disappoint you but i think that *paid love* is your one and only chance at the moment - so if i were you i would start researching in that direction! Good luck!
Rocklady.
LOLOLOL!
((((((((( ))))))))))
xxx
..that is, I am here in London, UK and VERY sadly not Rocklady who is in Rostock, Germany(but she knows London very very well and will HOPEFULLY be here very soon!!)
.. (but she knows London very very well and will HOPEFULLY be here very soon!!)..
I CERTAINLY very much hope so!!! The (final) countdown :) is on!
(((( ))))
xx
>I saw a survey within the last week and the results showed that the average amount of women bedded by a man during his lifetime was ten.<
Sounds about right. I read something similar - when a guy states the number of women he's slept with, always half that, and that's about the REAL number.
I don't believe for a second that this guy supposedly bedded nine girls in one week. Maybe they *made out* but that doesn't count. Guys are so FOS and so worried about their egos. They make themselves look pathetic in the process.
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