club/party hookups

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
club/party hookups
25
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 2:00am

A lot of you have told me that my best bet to hookup would be to hang out at parties and clubs and just talk to drunk girls. First off, I'm not against that. My first and only kiss was a drunken party hookup and I don't regret that or feel ashamed at all. I don't envy those whose first kiss was with their true love on a lake with autumn leaves falling all around. Still though, I'm at a loss as to how to pursue another.

First off, it's really hard to meet girls at parties. There's rarely any parties around my campus where there are more girls than guys. There's this one house where there's always tons of girls, but that's only because the guy who rents it will NOT let any guy in unless he brings at least 2 girls with him. That's actually a house rule; he actually says it. I tagged in with a group of 7 guys and 4 girls. He let all the girls in but only 2 guys and I wasn't one of them. Most of the parties are sausage fests, so I have to compete with a lots of guys for only a few girls. I come well dressed, looking my best, but how do I stand above the guys who have tons of friends with them, who're chatting with everyone, who jump around everywhere when they win a round of beer pong? Most of the time, I just end up leaning against the wall sipping my drink, and I don't even like alcohol that much.

And how to you just go up and talk to a drunk girl? A lot of you say there's a better chance she'll be more receptive, but there's also a better chance she'll be extra harsh in rejecting you. That time I approached a girl at Spring Week and she laughed in my face and told me "not gonna happen" really cut deep into me. I went there determined to meet and talk to girls, but her rejection completely destroyed the will and confidence I had mustered to do so. You all say I shouldn't let rejection hurt me, but it still feel hurt and embarrassed to think about.

And still, what are the "rules" in hooking up with a drunk girl? I know it's considered rape in some instances when a girl has sex when she's drunk, but I'm not sure what are the guidelines or circumstances. I know it's rape rape if she's passed out drunk, but what if she's drunk but still coherent enough to talk and walk around? I know it's rape if he plies her with alcohol, but what if she drinks on her own free will and without his knowledge? Is it rape if she's drunk but he's sober? What if they're both drunk?

I just really, REALLY want to be sure because there was this kid in my high school whose life was basically ruined by false rape charge when he had sex with a drunk girl. The charges were dropped and he was proven innocent when a psychiatrist and hypnotist talked to both of them and determined that the sex was consensual at the time, that she was still coherent at the time and that she had gotten drunk on her own accord and without his knowledge. She didn't understand that just because she regretted hooking up with a guy doesn't mean she was raped and she ended up getting sentenced to community service. Still, they were in court for a few months and the family of the guy ended up having to spend their son's entire college fund on bail and his legal defense. I REALLY don't want the same happening to me.




Edited 5/6/2007 2:30 am ET by redonculous

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 10:40am

Not to mention - the first thought in my head (unlike our OP) wouldn't be "WOW - I want to emulate that!".

It would be "dude - have you been tested?"


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 11:00am

>It would be "dude - have you been tested?"<

LOL! Yeah, I thought that too. "Dude, you're a walking STD case. You should probably avoid coughing too hard - things are going to start falling off. Have you ever seen a necrotic penis ulcer? Nasty stuff."


Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 11:12am
Are you practicing for the debate team?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 12:15pm
Sounds like it.
















iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 3:05pm

I remember reading that survey somewhere. I'm sorry, but ten in one whole life time is way too few. If I get married at 40 (which I don't intend to but PLEASE let's not go into marriage), that means only 1 girl every 2 years. That's way too long between different girls. If I could sleep with 1 different girl every 3 months, 4 a year, then I'll be happy. Is that reasonable?

Eitherway, even if I can't score a drunk one night stand, how do I make out with a drunk girl at a party like I did that one time? I'll be happy if I could leave a club or a party justing having kissed a girl and nothing more. So like I said, how do I go up and talk to a drunk girl and under what conditions is it okay to push forward or back off?

This thread is already 30 replies long and not one of you have answered the question.

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