Colonic Crisis

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Colonic Crisis
13
Tue, 12-27-2011 - 11:55pm

I keep reflecting on your good and wise advice about how Mr Hot n Cold only wants me for a FWB.

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 12-28-2011 - 2:28am

"We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them." A quote attributed to Einstein but nobody can cite the original source.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Wed, 12-28-2011 - 8:19am

Hey Mark,

I have heard you used the term FOO (family of origin) many times to describe behaviour patterns or something like that.

I find this interesting as I am looking for ways to change some of my bad characteristics.

Do you have a book recommedation on this FOO?

Or can you elaborate more on FOO?

Lynn

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 12-28-2011 - 11:36am

All I can think of when I read your post was all of the pain and heartache and grief of relationships.. It makes me not want to be in one.. I so wish I could turn off my heart and hormones and be happy with no relationship.

You know I was the most happy when I was not OLD or meeting men and I was just doing my own thing and having fun. That lasted about two years and then I started to feel lonely and stigmatized by the outside forces.. and not wanting to be alone and I want to have sex again before I die.. then logged into OLD and drama began.. Now I totally have an addiction to it as I get messages and have gotten dates but sometimes i wish I could go back in time to a happier place.

Is that what we should do?? Go and find a much happier and solace place and forget wanting a relationship??

There has to be a better way....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Wed, 12-28-2011 - 12:21pm

For the last few weeks, I've been reading "Healing the shame that binds you" by Bradshaw. I think it's stirring up a lot of things.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 12-28-2011 - 12:59pm

I like Harville Hendrix's book Getting the Love You Want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 12-28-2011 - 1:25pm

I have read some parts of that book. Harville talks about why we attract people that we do. Its about mirroring and what we lived as kids and how our family treated us we tend to gravitate towards the same type of people.

Its not so hard to figure out but yes awareness is key and to want to make changes is crucial.. One has to work on themselves and look in the mirror and go on a soul searching journey and fix it.. Although we have setbacks and its so ingrained in our psyche that its hard to overcome..but it can be done with hard work.

I always tell my friend. we might attract good people and bad people but its up to us to be able to know who is good and who is bad for us..
I think I know and some days I feel its too late..

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 12-28-2011 - 4:50pm

Another John Bradshaw book that is exceptional is "Bradshaw: On the Family." As I recall, the book focuses mostly on how addiction affects families, but even if one of your parents was not an addict, it's still an incredible book about family dysfunction.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Wed, 12-28-2011 - 6:20pm

It seems rather futile, frankly, to try to change one's childhood warps and misfires.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 12-28-2011 - 6:46pm

So if you know you are walking into a bad situation there must be a reason you are doing it??

I dont know but for me I know when I am walking into a bad situation and then because I have had so much drama in my life to last me a million years I run run and run in the opposite direction.

Maybe you havent had enough of a bad thing (just saying)

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 12-28-2011 - 6:54pm
I can understand your feeling of futility after putting so much time, effort, money and a variety of ways to make changes. I wonder when you stated in your original post that you need to make some changes in your life what would those changes be?

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