Communicating in a relationship

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Communicating in a relationship
30
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 1:23pm

When you have a problem you need to talk about with a guy (or gal), how do you go about it?

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Registered: 11-21-2005
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 4:26pm
I usually just get up my nerve and pick a semi-good time (i.e.,
Avatar for cfk_3
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Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 5:35pm
Coolio ; )
Avatar for cl_shywon
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Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 7:06pm

Too funny!


He says that ALL the time.


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Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 5:28pm
Communicating in a new relationship is tough because you don't really want to step over the line and say too much too soon or be too much of a nag like you said, but it is important to start off communicating well so that there is no unspoken anger in the relationship. I believe if you have a strong relationship the other person will try to see your side and compromise with you if there is a problem. Delivery is very important too though. I always try to use "I statements" State how you feel, try to stay calm and even keel even if you are feeling emotional about something and ask for feedback from the other person. If you can start off early communicating well in the relationship and continue to practice it should get easier. I think most people's fear is that the other person will judge what we have to say or not want to compromise and we also fear that the other person will reject us if we are feeling a certain way and things won't get worked out. It's a normal feeling and like another poster said, it takes practice. Just make sure you are honest as possible and as clear as possible because most men usually are more logical and like clarity and get scared off if we are too emotional when we are trying to explain something. I think I really lucked out in the communication dept with my new relationship because my bf is more like a woman in this sense. He's very communicative and emotional and will always listen and talk no matter what but I've also been in situations where it was more difficult and I had to be careful how and what I said but I could never hold things in for too long. Keep us posted and let us know what happens.
Avatar for cl_shywon
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Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 7:28pm

The fear of rejection is HUGE for me.

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Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 8:09pm
Hugs, I know how that is. I've had similar things happen too with guys. It's not easy when you are afraid that history will repeat itself. I do think though that if a man is serious about continuing a relationship with you and working towards long term that he will not leave you or dump you just because you have some concerns. The right man for you will listen and try to understand where you are coming from and compromise. If a man doesn't want to listen and compromise at the beginning then he probably never will be someone to do that later on, and it's better to find out sooner than later. From what you have written about T, I don't think that this will be the case. It might take a little more careful explaining on your part so he understands but just the fact that he doesn't want you to be upset with him and is concerned about that is a good sign already.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 8:25pm

Yeah, I know if he doesn't want to work on it, he's not the right one.


I'm just ready to be with the right one, so the thought that his reaction could tell me he isn't is unsettling.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 8:37pm
I can definately see that. I would feel the same way too. I've been afraid to mention things before for fear that I won't like the answer that the guy gives me and might have to walk away from the situation. It never is an easy thing to bring up serious things for that reason. Your fear at this point in the relationship is normal. They always say like 3-6 months into a relationship is when you start seeing the issues and begin to see if the person will be compatible with you or not, that's why this time for a relationship is a scary time when it gets past the infatuation phase.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 7:21am

"I'm just ready to be with the right one, so the thought that his reaction could tell me he isn't is unsettling."

Just because you're ready for the one, doesn't make him the one. He doesn't seem to make you a priority whether it's New Year's Eve, your Graduation or your upcoming 30th birthday.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 7:42am

Now how in the world could you know that?