Competing with friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Competing with friends
7
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 4:27pm

So I've been finding myself thinking about this a lot lately.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 4:47pm

When I was in high school, my best friend always made her interest known first- and it was usually in every guy we encountered.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 9:44pm

I know how you feel Stacey. For me, it's usually me feeling inferior to my friends, like I'm not pretty enough, smart enough or sexy enough to grab a guys attention, but then I ask myself, if all a guy wants is a pretty face, then I'd be wasting my time with him ;) I have much more to offer then that, but it can get frustrating when you feel like the odd woman out.

(((hugs)))

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 4:54am
I think friends and family are very competitive with many things including relationships. I have experienced this throughout my life and I put it down to jealousy. You can cope with a stranger winning the lottery, but your best friend?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 11:23pm
yeah, jealousy does play a big part in friendships. For example, my best friend found a new man to date and things are going well between them. I got really jealous of her for a little bit because I was thinking that she just ended up being liked by a couple of guys in the salsa scene and none of those guys seemed to be interested in me and then I felt as if she was going to be attached and have a full on relationship and then I would feel like the odd one out who's still single, but then I got out of my own way and finally am starting to just be happy for her and not jealous. I guess when we start feeling jealous we can try to reverse that thought process and just be happy for our friends. She totally deserves a good man in her life, her dating luck has not been good for 4 years so if anyone deserves happiness in a relationship it's her.
But I can understand how you feel Stacey when you know that you are just as good looking and likeable as your friends but still don't end up geting asked out, then you wonder why not you. I've had that feeling before a lot but I'm trying my best not to let it get to me because I know that I have just as much to offer and sometimes it's just the luck of the draw or whoever ends up talking to the guy first or whoever the man just happens to approach first even if he thinks that all of you women are cute.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 2:00am

It can also be a blessing in disguise if a guy isn't into you! Many years ago I was at a party with a good friend of mine, and this guy I found attractive and nice started talking to both of us. As the evening went on, it became clear that he had "chosen" my friend and was not interested in me. I was so down about it -- I couldn't understand why he chose her over me when I was just as attractive and had just as good of a personality (or so I thought!) etc., etc. Well, my friend ended up being in a two-year relationship with this guy. They broke up when she felt they were just going in different directions. Well, to make a long story short, 12 years later this guy has essentially never grown up, never really gotten it together, never had another serious girlfriend besides my friend, is depressed all the time, still calls her and has a "thing" for her even though she is MARRIED with a KID! She just wants him to leave her alone!


So I have to say I'm really glad he wasn't into me way back then!


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 3:48am

I definitely felt this way with my roommates from college. We were also really good friends and did just about everything together, so there were sometimes conflicts with guy interests. But I never really said anything about it, because I don't usually express interest up front, either. So I felt like I just had to back away and forget about it, and I also thought the others were prettier, cooler, etc., so I thought the guy also would appreciate my backing off :(

But it's funny reading the posts - maybe more people, and even my friends, have felt this way than I thought. Being 'on the prowl' with friends probably just has the potential to bring out insecurities - it's hard enough to work up the nerve to approach someone and flirt, let alone attempt that while trying to gauge your friends' feelings and not only wondering what the guy thinks of you but deciding how you stack up against all your friends. yikes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 10:03am
I know what you mean. Some friends and I went speed dating together and all ended up having a follow up date with one of the guys. All 3 of us. Luckily, none of us ended up having a second date. There were a couple of awkward moments but then we talked about it and decided that we are all such different people that there is no way that we would all seriously like the same guy. And none of us did, luckily.