The competition

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
The competition
16
Sat, 01-21-2012 - 10:36am
A bunch of us went out last night to celebrate birthdays. I invited T (my friend) a couple of weeks ago and he said he couldn't come because he had a pool tournament all weekend and he'd be playing until 1am. No biggie- he was busy. So about 10:30 last night, I texted him and asked how it was going. I assumed he was between games, but through the course of the conversation, it came out that he was finished playing. He just didn't want to come hang out with me. This wouldn't bother me if we weren't friends on top of sleeping together. I just feel lied to. I'll get over it. He was under no obligation to come. It just would have been nice.

I do wonder, though...if he knew that he had competition, would he try harder to keep me around? There's another guy who has been determined to get my "digits" for awhile now. I eventually told him last night that I wasn't available, and he left. There was another guy- someone's husband(!)- who was obviously smitten with me. He sent me a friend request on FB when he left. I've heard stories about him, so there's no way in hell I'd accept that request! Then there's the DHG who would probably have me if I called him. I just don't want to. I definitely have other choices, even if I don't like them.

I'm starting to think...scheme...plan...ways to let T know he needs to work harder if he wants continued access. It may just be a minimal relationship, but it needs work just like any other relationship.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Sat, 01-21-2012 - 12:35pm

Well, there's a possible alternative to why T acted that way.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sat, 01-21-2012 - 12:54pm

Yes all of us would like choice.

chaika

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 01-21-2012 - 1:17pm
Actually, he was in first place still. He's won the past six tournaments, so if he had lost I would have just left him alone knowing he'd be grumpy about it. He just didn't want to hang out- which is fine. I just wish he'd told me so instead of saying he'd be busy. He was perfectly okay with meeting me at my place, which I said no to.

Xxxs- I have no problem with having a circle of men friends to keep me entertained. I just can't find acceptable ones that I want to keep around.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 01-21-2012 - 1:25pm
Have you considered letting him orchestrate your meetings, as a protective measure? It may seem cowardly and not quite progressive, from a woman's standpoint, but think about it. You would actually be the one in control. Sneaky, huh?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sat, 01-21-2012 - 1:32pm

I have read countless times that when a woman is in a fwb situation and she tries to make it more it doesnt work.

Lets face it some men dont about what women think?? It appears T doesnt take your feelings and things into consideration.

If I were you I would dump them all and find someone who deserves your love and the greatness you have to offer.You are still fairly young and there must be someone out there to give you what you want, need and deserve.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 01-21-2012 - 1:34pm
That's what I had been doing until right around Christmas. He had asked to come over and I'd told him no twice. We went three weeks without seeing each other and he seemed upset by that. So I decided to step it up and contact him first a few times. I've been accused of not showing interest before, so I have to be really aware of how I'm coming across sometimes. It's such a fine line between showing just enough interest and showing too much/too little.
Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 01-21-2012 - 1:41pm
I should also add that I won't be asking him over anytime soon. He obviously only wants things on his time table. Also, this is a guy who everyone sees as the model "nice guy". He is in every other way. He is usually pretty sensitive to other people's feelings.

Free- I don't really want anything more than friends and sex from him. We started off as friends, sort of, and asking him to join us last night was something I would have done before we were sleeping together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Sat, 01-21-2012 - 2:03pm

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 01-21-2012 - 2:13pm
I expect him not to lie. That's something I expect from most people, and I'd hope most people wouldn't need that expectation expressed.

And it's not about jumping through hoops. It's about appreciating the fact that I am not committed to him, and if he does want to continue getting the benefits he gets, he has to make me want them from him and not someone else.
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sat, 01-21-2012 - 2:17pm

Yes you are right it is much more difficult to have a group of acceptables than otherwise.

chaika

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