The competition

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
The competition
16
Sat, 01-21-2012 - 10:36am
A bunch of us went out last night to celebrate birthdays. I invited T (my friend) a couple of weeks ago and he said he couldn't come because he had a pool tournament all weekend and he'd be playing until 1am. No biggie- he was busy. So about 10:30 last night, I texted him and asked how it was going. I assumed he was between games, but through the course of the conversation, it came out that he was finished playing. He just didn't want to come hang out with me. This wouldn't bother me if we weren't friends on top of sleeping together. I just feel lied to. I'll get over it. He was under no obligation to come. It just would have been nice.

I do wonder, though...if he knew that he had competition, would he try harder to keep me around? There's another guy who has been determined to get my "digits" for awhile now. I eventually told him last night that I wasn't available, and he left. There was another guy- someone's husband(!)- who was obviously smitten with me. He sent me a friend request on FB when he left. I've heard stories about him, so there's no way in hell I'd accept that request! Then there's the DHG who would probably have me if I called him. I just don't want to. I definitely have other choices, even if I don't like them.

I'm starting to think...scheme...plan...ways to let T know he needs to work harder if he wants continued access. It may just be a minimal relationship, but it needs work just like any other relationship.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 01-21-2012 - 3:40pm

Did he actually go to the pool tournament earlier?

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 01-21-2012 - 4:02pm
I think it seemed more like a lie because he spent a good five minutes telling me about how he had to wait around on other people to finish and it was like he was making a point to say he couldn't come because of it. When I mentioned it the first time, I said something along the lines of "you can come when your finished" and he said he wouldn't be until 1am. I'm sure he wanted to hang around and make sure he was still in first after other people played. Which doesn't bother me at all. In some ways, I didn't want him to come because then I wouldn't feel guilty about flirting with other guys in front of him. I just need him to be completely honest with me.

It's not really about earning anything. It's about being appreciated. He chased me for a long time before I let it become sexual, and I think he wants me more than I want him sometimes. I do enjoy being with him, but I could end it if someone else came along and I wouldn't be heartbroken. I think I'd like, just for once even if it's a non-committed relationship, for a guy to appreciate that I am a catch and to want to spend time with me. I really am not after a commitment from this guy at all. I just like knowing I'm desired. I just think he needs to realize that he's not the only one willing to offer the benefits he is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sat, 01-21-2012 - 4:54pm

I am not quite sure what this is all about.. You have fwb and you got upset that he lied. Well? everyone lies to save face and I would think a fwb would lie more..

Okay.. so he lied and now what?? You want him to apologize ?

I was also thinking why would you want him to fight for you if you just have fwb.. I would think if you were exclusive then the person fights for you and not in a casual relationship. What does it matter because he could go out and find another woman also and think you are getting to clingy and want more.. You seem to be contradicting yourself...but alot of people do that and I also do it..

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 01-21-2012 - 5:45pm
I don't think everyone lies. It's not really even about that, though. I just think that many men assume that if they don't see their competition and witness anything personally then it's not there. Like with Marina's guys. None of them knew about each other. None of them were committed. But I wonder if they knew she had other options- of T knew I had other options- would it change their game plan?

When I originally posted, I wasn't really intending to focus on my particular situation, which is why things got all twisted. I wasn't asking what to do about it. In fact, I even wrote that I'd get over it. I was more wondering out loud about things. If you think about it, the women with the most attention always seem to attract more. Maybe we should be more transparent about being desired by more than one man. That's all I was trying to say.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 01-21-2012 - 11:14pm

I do agree that if men think a woman is desired by a lot of men they will step up their game.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 4:48am
I have a friend like that, too. She's the same way with her husband, though. He's attractive, and if a woman looks at him she gets jealous. Let me tell ya, they are one FUN couple to go out with!
(NOT)

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