Confused about relationships

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Confused about relationships
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 1:04am

I have never had a girlfriend- with the exception of a sexual fling type relationship when I was 18.  Ever  since then, Ive mostly kept myself busy to keep my mind off of women.

Im 24 now. Some days I feel incomplete, that I cant do it all on my own. I think Im starting to grow tired of being single, but I dont know how to start a relationship with a woman. With women getting persued by so many guys (with their prime agenda being sex), Im hesitant to even approach someone. Women look like they dont want to be approached by guys. Like they can see it a mile away or something.So I dont even bother.

I feel so pathetic for not having at least a girlfriend by now. Ive been single for so long that its become all Ive ever known. I had acne when I was in high school so I kept to myself. Going into adulthood, Ive kept to myself even though my acne is gone and Im not bad looking. I can talk to women confidently , but not on the level of romantic courtship because I dont know how. Im a good, strong guy with morals and virtue. I just dont know how to be with women.  

Am I too old fashioned or something? Am I supposed to be having sex quicker? Can someone give me a little help with this?





Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 10:18am

Don't get too anxious around us (females) we're human just like you, that's first.  I like to try and view it as making a new friend so there's no pressure but at some point, you'll need to let the person know that you are romantically attracted to them.   That could be with a touch, eye contact, saying something sweet to her or even just something simple like sending her a text letting her know how much you enjoyed spending time with her. 

Don't fake it though.  If you are wanting sex, I'd encourage you to be up front about it.  That's not really what I'm "hearing" from reading your post.  If that's the case, and it's a relationship you're after, put some extra thought and effort into the first handful of dates or so, everyone wants to feel special.

Don't feel pathetic.  I think it's great that you recognize what you want (at such an early age) and are willing to seek out advice in order to achieve it.  Pathetic would be sitting at home, moping and doing nothing.  We all have dry spells and some of us were late bloomers.  As far as the sex, don't worry about it.  It will all happen naturally once a relationship has been established which, can take anywhere from a few weeks to a few months, depending upon the individual you are seeing. 

Good luck!  Please come back and let us know how it's going!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 10:59am

If you can talk to women as friends, then it's not that big a step to romance.  A good relationship really starts with friendship--you don't have to change the way you talk to women to find a girlfriend.  Women are kind of turned off by a guy who acts fake and like a player anyway.  so say you know this girl that you think you'd like to date--assume you are already talking to her as a friend and you realize that you have enough in common that you think things could work out--so ask her on a date.  Of course women want to be approached by guys.  if you read this board for a while, you'll see that a big complaint is that women don't want to have to approach the guy first.  We want to be asked out.  you don't have to make a big production about it.  Just ask the girl if she wants to go out to eat, to the movies or whatever. Don't be too discouraged if the first one says no.  Eventually one girl will say yes.  So then go out, just act normally to her and get to know her--then if you like her, start to act more romantic, like holding her hand, putting your arm around her, if she seems receptive and flirty, then you probably have to go ahead to kiss her good night.  you will be able to tell if she likes it & wants more or isn't into it.  As far as sex, people have different values today--some people have sex with people they don't even care about (hooking up) but not everyone is like that.  You should do what is comfortable for you & the woman.  It's probably better to discuss what your values are.  I think a lot of women will be relieved taht you are looking for a relationship and not just quick sex because there are too many guys who want to pressure women into sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 11:44am

Ha, ha--where do you live?