Confused as heck...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Confused as heck...
4
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:33am
Its half an hour past my bedtime and I am no where near sleep. This eve, a guy from my past called and asked if we could go for a drink to talk tomm. Another guy, whom I lusted after for over a year - called to tell me he's ready for a r/ship. He wants it. I said, "well - good luck with that. I hope you find exactly what you are looking for." and he hung up on me. Could he really feel the same way I did (or do?)? Earlier, I ran into an old coworker I used to have a crush on. A couple of days ago, a bus driver I liked and dated. Two emails this week from more men from my past. Yet, I have dates with two new men this week. My head is spinning just typing this. I get a headache just thinking about all the dating. I hate it. Its draining/tiring and disappointing. I just want ONE guy. Thats all I need. All I want. And every one of these men from the past are guys I REALLY clicked with. I could have seen myself with any of them. I don't have enough time to pursue them all.

I can't help but think there is a lesson here - like "look at what you passed up" or "how did you screw up this many beginnings"? Why all at once like this?

My goodness. I think I will try to sleep on this...thanks for reading this if you got this far.

Go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 8:01am
Scary to read as I am going through the same thing - one guy who I just met and like who seems to like me - waiting for THE CALL - a guy from my past who popped up and now wants to try again - i broke it off over a year ago after 7 weeks bc of lack of chemistry - do I try again? I am also dating my two exes ago ex - the on and off guy for 5 years 9i was the ambivalent one) - and we are doing surprisingly - really well in all departments - and I just saw my most recent ex - my Mr. Big who I was head over heels with all summer - despite my promise to do no contact (promise to myself) he is having knee surgery, called and I went to visit (he has not had the surgery yet) - and realized I am 99% over him - the visit confirmed that despite that I thought I would be playing with fire - and we broke up only a month ago!

Last night I went to sleep early - and focused on not focusing on "all these men" - we (you and I ;-)) have to keep our eyes on the goal - one man, one life partner, one husband - yes we have to make decisions about whoever comes into our lives but when it becomes too much of a whirlwind we have to remind ourselves that the man who is right for us will quickly become easy to be with and to deal with - in the sense of making plans and progressing -sure the first few dates or so can be complicated and strategizing is needed but after that . .. . it should be smooth/easy most of the time.

I think sometimes you, like me, get distracted by the rollercoaster dramatic aspects and start looking for signs and signals - and I just don't think that's productive. Best to you.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 8:16am
Go, we need tag-team dating. This is how it would work: You attract all these men, I'll go out on the first few dates, pick out one of them for you, one for me, get them to the relationship stage, and then pass yours back to you. Sound like a plan?

I wish it worked that way. All I can say is count your blessings. It's better to have too many to chose from than none at all. Like Deena said, the one you're supposed to be with will be fairly easy to get to that point.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 10:43am
I think what I would do is slowly but surely work your way through the list! Make dates with one or two of the most promising guys from the past over the next week or so and see how they go. If you have fun and they seem open and available for a r'ship, then schedule another date with them a week or so down the road. Take a couple days after each date to think about it. Then keep moving down the list. You don't have to date all of them this week! If they are just re-appearing, they can wait a few weeks for their turn ;-).

As for the guy who said he was ready for a r'ship now, I think I would have asked him, "are you telling me this because you want a r'ship with ME, or are you just making conversation?" If he's really interested in you and emotionally available, you can call him back and ask and he'll be receptive. You have nothing to lose, IMO, by being open and direct with him, and you won't be left wondering (that is, assuming he's capable of being honest and direct with YOU!).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 12:57pm
hey go, have you ever thought about just dating one guy at a time?