Crazy In Love?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Crazy In Love?
11
Tue, 12-03-2013 - 5:53pm

Do you remember what it was like?  I mean I know that it doesn't last forever but I do miss that feeling.  The saddest thing is I never had anyone crazy in love with me.  I'm sure my ex loved me at some time but not that crazy want to be with me every minute, make him all smiles love. Do you think that kind of love happens to people over 50, or even over 40?

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Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sat, 12-07-2013 - 9:52pm

  I can say that I am not looking for any great "relationship" nor do I want to get married.  I live in my mind and date only because That is how I have to right now.  What works for me is companionship, intimacy,passion but not underfoot.   A good FWB would be  fine.  I do not need complications.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Sat, 12-07-2013 - 6:04pm

Free, I have to agree that being free of all of the emotional drama that dating/relationships entail can be a good thing! I also do not see that many truly loving relationships.  People seem to have the "what's in it for me" attitude.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Sat, 12-07-2013 - 6:00pm

While I agree that love can and does happen at any age, "famous" people are different than most of us in a number of ways.  They tend to run in different circles, and therefore have more access to interesting and attractive people, or people who could be partners in a great love. They just have more opportunities than the average person, even the older women in that subset of the population.  And of course, Mandela was a man, which automatically confers more options.

Even among the non-famous, I can think of people in my own life who run in different circles than me, be it due to money or position. For example, I have a female cousin who recently divorced, has 4 children, and is not pretty at all, although she has a great body due to obsessive exercise, diet, and no alcohol. She is 53, and I hear that she already has a new boyfriend.  But again , she travels in different circles than I do.  She not only is a high-powered financial broker, but she comes from a politically-connected family.  I am not jealous of her, because she is a great person who has worked very hard, and is a good mother.  But there is no question she has more opportunities to meet eligible men in her day-to-day life than I do.  I don't know how she met the new guy, but I'd bet a year's salary it was not through OLD.

And there was no doubt that Nelson Mandela was a great, heroic man.  May he rest in peace.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 12-07-2013 - 5:11pm

If we think we are too old to fall in love again, I was reading about Nelson Mandela and he married his 3rd wife when he was 80!  Right about now, I'd really not even be hoping for that--it seems so hard to find.  I would like a guy to go out with sometimes though for some companionship and affection.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 12-07-2013 - 9:37am
I've never been the "crazy" love kind of person. For me, I prefer for it to be a slow process. It feels more real that way. I've had guys who seemed head over heels for me early on and it never felt like it was really me they cared about because they didn't really know me yet. Plus, they always left just as quickly. I do believe in love no matter what your age, but I'd much rather it be real.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sat, 12-07-2013 - 8:54am

well No not sure if I am just cynical but I dont believe in man and woman loving relationships or falling in love anymore..At this point in my life having a companion and some intimacy thrown in would be fine.. Not that I am discounting love but its not for me anymore......I love my son to pieces and my family and that is about it.. I cant see even meeting a total stranger and wanting to love him.. Nope just not going to happen.........If he is a nice guy and wants to hang out and go out and have fun and some sex I would be perfectly happy with that... I would love him but in my own way and not be in love or goo goo ga ga stuff.. I actually do not miss being in love at all..........Actually at this time in life it makes no sense to me...

I think the ego gets too caught up in the love thing and then it gets too complicated..

Just my two cents!!!

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Fri, 12-06-2013 - 12:45pm

I definitely think it can happen at any age, even us old, broken-down over 50s people. I was at a funeral earlier this year where I ran into someone who I had gone to school with. She's been divorced since the 80s and never dated since then. She had a male work friend--he was married, but there was no hanky-panky. His wife died and he and this woman ended up getting together. Someone in the group at the funeral said to her, "You look GREAT!" and she replied, "That's because I'm in love again for the first time in over 25 years!" She was so clearly smitten, and I longed to be her. I think it's entirely possible for me, I just need to meet him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Thu, 12-05-2013 - 4:39pm

Cfk_3, I understand what you mean.  I felt that way after my divorce.  It took me a long time until I started "missing" love.  My parents too have been married over 50 years.....not all 50 were happy but they pushed through.  Now I just feel that I'd rather feel the pain of something ending than feeling nothing at all. Like when my brother died at only 40 I was devastated, he was also my best friend (and yes, I know the feelings are different but it was still a tremendous loss) but never would I want to take back the years I did have with him. And I can't even wish away my ex because without him I wouldn't have my son.  I also don't think I would be as strong as I am today without the bad stuff. Pain is awful for sure but I feel that everything in our lives makes us who we are....the good and bad parts of us. But everyone is different so again, I understand exactly why you feel that way and believe there are still times I feel like that.  Finding a man and another relationship was the farthest thing from my mind a year and half ago. 

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 12-04-2013 - 10:23pm

I know you didn't ask but I'd rather have a series of infatuations than to be in love again.  I've experienced both and when a loving relationship ends, it's like a death.  No thanks.  I don't think I believe in happily ever after which is weird because my parents have been married for over 50 years.  However, I can report that a girl I work with (35) just met a man and she seems quite happy.  Who knows where it'll go but he treats her very well.  Also, my BIL's mother remarried in her mid 60's and she's happy.  So . . . it can happen.  Both of these relationships happened organically BTW. 

 

   

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Wed, 12-04-2013 - 8:58am

Sure it happens. I met my second husband at age 47. Within four weeks of dating, he bought me 2 dozen roses, 2 stuffed animals and a romantic card. He called me daily and set up dates with me 2 or 3 times a week. After 2 and a quarter years after our marriage, he still calls me when we're apart at work, 2 or 3 times. We're past the giddy newness, but I'm satisfied with the attention he gives me and his thoughtfulness. It took a lot of effort on my part to find him. After my divorce from my first husband, I set out to find a lifetime partner. I did OLD and went on dates with about 30 men with a lot of frustration and crazy experiences, but that is where I found my future husband. I just saw that some university did a study and 35% of marriages in the last 7 years were the product of OLD. I tried meetups.com a couple of times and enjoyed my experiences there, but then met my husband. Even with all the craziness, I never gave up.

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