Crying Again
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| Wed, 06-07-2006 - 7:27pm |
I literally have tears running downmy face right now and I'm trying my best to shake it off and act like this is no big deal. But here it is once again and it seems the sweet, adorable, nice guy I've been seeing for the past 2 months is losing interest in me.
We went from several emails a day and "how much do you miss me' and 'really looking forward to seeing you' to one email a day wishing me a good day. He asked when I'd have time to see hm this week and I gave him my available days twice and he vaguely dais a movie would be nice but has yet to pick a day. The flirty has stopped and he is only giving me very vague one-liner emails.
I just keep wondering why this keeps happening over and over. I meet a guy, he acts crazy about me, we have fun and within 9 weeks, he abruptly loses interest and it's back to the drawing board. And not, I have not have sex with any of them. I was sitting in traffic yesterday counting off the number of guys I've been on dates with in the 18 months I've been single; 21 guys! 21 guys and not one felt anything for me and saw potential in me!!!!
I realize many were wrong for me and perhaps I made some mistakes too but i'm just at a loss. I'm frustrated, shaken and ;left questioning myself. What is wrong with me? What am I doing that is repulsing these guys so? I don't know if I should give up completely or keep trying.
I'm just terribly confused.

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Of those 21 guys, did any of them tell you why they were no longer interested? Or did they all just gradually fade away? Reflecting on your experiences will give you more insight than what anyone here can say.
Can you shed more light on these past dating experiences? It can't be that they all just suddenly lost interest without any explanation?
That said, I'm sorry you're feeling down. It's frustrating to not know why someone you like and thought liked you suddenly changes but hopefully you can get some answers.
Of all the 21 guys, I'd say 3 of them I was not interested in and so, I let them go and 3 of them actually told me why they didn't want to see me anymore.
One guy after telling me he could fall for me and that he saw potential in us being in a real relationship, 3 weeks late told me he lost interest in me, he "tried to get it back but couldn't", another said there was no romantic chemistry and we're still cool today and the 3rd said he just wanted to be friends, barely speaks to me today.
All the other either lead me on until I figured out there was no interest or just faded away by not returning messages until I got the him and quitting trying to contact them.
And thank you for reading. you'd think that by now I'd be a toughen chick but every lost of interest I take as a personal rejection. I'm still working on that.
I'm sorry you're so upset. It's really hard when something ends and you don't know why. I don't think there's anything wrong with you, though, or that you are "repulsing" these guys, as you say. Could there be some common denominator here with all of them, like maybe they are coming on strong in the beginning and then quickly losing interest as they really get to know you as a person? Some men seem to be more interested in the "chase" than they are in really getting to know you. Maybe going more slowly into the situation will alert you to whether or not the guy is interested in the real you? I'm just throwing that out there, since I don't know what the circumstances were, but if the same thing has happened with 21 guys, there must be some common thread here.
It does seem like your sadness is pointing you in the direction of pulling inward and finding some insight into what's going on, before moving on to dating more people.
hugs!
Yeah, most of the guys were pretty gungho in the beginning, then it tapers off soon after. The current guy I've been seeing, I've made it clear that I'm not up for just casual sex and he said he was cool with that, that he didn't want me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with, he said he could take things slow but I feel him going in reverse.
I don't know. I feel like I have to take on 20 new projects just to distract myself from this miserable dating experience. All I wanna do is just stop, kick my shoes off and get comfy with a special guy. I'm not talking marriage, not babies, not living together, i don't need a key to his place. I just want a guy that wants to be with me and not need to be convinced of my worth so I can get out of the game.
That is all.
Just curious what your age is?
Because, unfortunately, I would say MOST guys when they're real young will back off when they find out that they're not going to get laid. But to that I say, you're doing the right thing because then you know how interested they REALLY are.
That said, I'm sorry you're upset. I don't want to make light of it but I know how you feel. You give and give and do the best you can - and it still doesn't seem like it's enough. Don't change it though. You're keeping the jerks and creeps at bay.
So sorry to hear about your relationship troubles. It's been a couple years since I've been on a date, so hard to find what I'm looking for. To me, it sounds like some of these guys maybe find out you don't want to have sex and they bolt. I totally applaud you for that, that is an awesome quality in a woman. I would like to ask you some questions, I'll start with where do you usually meet guys? It seems like you get asked out a lot.
From previouds posts I've seen, you seem like a caring individual and stand up for what you believe in, those are admirable traits to have. Some guys out there appreciate that, just sounds like your not having success finding that. Sounds to me like your ready for a relationship, but the men you've dated aren't. Hopefull things clear up and you will be happy.
I know how frustrating this is...that's part of the reason I'm taking some time off from dating right now.
But I wouldn't give up hope on this guy yet. He may just be settling into more of a sustainable routine. He is still asking you out, after all.
I'd be leary of the guys who act "crazy" about you at the start anyway...the fast start is generally a red flag that the guy has an unrealistic view of how healthy relationships should be.
And one other thing to consider...do you give the guys you've been dating for a couple months *some* idea of how long they're looking at waiting for sex? I don't mean you have to set a specific date or time frame but if they are thinking, man it could be another six months before we sleep together, that might be discouraging even guys who aren't just looking for sex? I don't know, I'm just throwing it out there as a possibility...
Sheri
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