Crying Again
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| Wed, 06-07-2006 - 7:27pm |
I literally have tears running downmy face right now and I'm trying my best to shake it off and act like this is no big deal. But here it is once again and it seems the sweet, adorable, nice guy I've been seeing for the past 2 months is losing interest in me.
We went from several emails a day and "how much do you miss me' and 'really looking forward to seeing you' to one email a day wishing me a good day. He asked when I'd have time to see hm this week and I gave him my available days twice and he vaguely dais a movie would be nice but has yet to pick a day. The flirty has stopped and he is only giving me very vague one-liner emails.
I just keep wondering why this keeps happening over and over. I meet a guy, he acts crazy about me, we have fun and within 9 weeks, he abruptly loses interest and it's back to the drawing board. And not, I have not have sex with any of them. I was sitting in traffic yesterday counting off the number of guys I've been on dates with in the 18 months I've been single; 21 guys! 21 guys and not one felt anything for me and saw potential in me!!!!
I realize many were wrong for me and perhaps I made some mistakes too but i'm just at a loss. I'm frustrated, shaken and ;left questioning myself. What is wrong with me? What am I doing that is repulsing these guys so? I don't know if I should give up completely or keep trying.
I'm just terribly confused.

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"And one other thing to consider...do you give the guys you've been dating for a couple months *some* idea of how long they're looking at waiting for sex? I don't mean you have to set a specific date or time frame but if they are thinking, man it could be another six months before we sleep together, that might be discouraging even guys who aren't just looking for sex? I don't know, I'm just throwing it out there as a possibility..."
No, I don't. It usually doesn't even come up. In fact, with most guys I dated, they never even made a move with me. A year ago, I was much more open to the idea of having casual sex or a fling, but no guy would even attempt to kiss me. So it doesn't even come up.
Also, I want to add that me and this guy had a talk last week after we went out to a club and I felt that he was ignoring me the whole time.
He admitted to me that he thinks I'm 'too hot' for him and he sometimes doesn't know what to do around me. He explained that he is a bit insecure and would have never asked me out had we not me through friends (he thinks I'm out of his league), he said his lack of confidence makes him question himself and why a girl like me would go out with a guy like him. I told him exactly why I like him becuase he is sweet and adorable and I find that charming. I thought I'd convinced him why I really like him. But a week later, it seems like he's pulling away. I'm worried that his lack of confidence will get the best of him and he'll just give up.
Either that or it's all just an act to get me to chase him more. Sorry, Im extremely jaded but he does seem less intersted this week.
You mean after dating these guys for 9 weeks or so, there's no kissing or anything like that involved? If that's the case, why do you think that is?
Or what do you define as a "move"?
Sheri
Eh, you don't need someone who's that insecure, and if it's an act, then that's even worse!
Sheri
Well, they didn't all make it to 9 weeks. Only a few. But 9 weeks has been the longest consistently. Many were just one or two dates only. Then I didnt hear from them again.
A move to me is a move to kiss me, basically or something that tells me they are physically attracted to me.
There was this one guy who I met on Yahoo last June of 2005, I believe. We've had a total of 6 dates over the past year (he only calls once in a blue moon) and he has not made a move yet. We have never even kissed. Needless to say, I have lost interest there. But he is still on my IM and pops up from time to time to say hello. I left my sunglasses in his car the last time (maybe April) and he has been in no rush to return them.
I understand that you haven't dated all of the guys that long. My question was, of the guys who HAVE made it to 9 weeks or so, have they not tried to at least kiss you? That just seems really unusual to me.
And we are defining "move" the same way...I just wanted to make sure, that's why I asked ;-).
Oh, I agree about the Yahoo guy...that's not even *close* to "interest" he's showing! I would take him off your IM...what's the point? Write off the sunglasses as a dating loss ;-).
Sheri
Ok...then my theory is at least *plausible*...that you weren't giving them any indication of how long they'd have to wait (and they were waiting for you to give the go ahead signal, which is I think the respectful thing to do), so they gave up. What I've done in the past to avoid this is let the guy know that I am really attracted to him but I prefer to wait to have sex until we've been dating for at least X amount of time (I will usually give a range not a specific amount of time) and and we know each other well enough to decide to date exclusively. That way they know that it's going to be on the table down the road and have at least an approximate time frame.
I'm not saying that's definitely what's happening but it's something to consider and maybe eliminate as an issue next time around.
But it could simply be that you've met a string of men who are just not right for you, too.
Sheri
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