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| Sun, 12-09-2012 - 3:00pm |
What would you guys do if you had a friend who's clearly obsessed with someone? What do you do when you've given them logical advice 'til you're blue in the face but they never take it? What do you do when it's clear that all this person wants to do is recite inconsequential stories about this person over and over gain just so she can say his name?
I obviously have someone in my life like this . . . this guy has completely disrespected her, gave her a VD (yes, thankfully it was treatable) and clearly wants nothing from her except sex. She is absolutely in denial. She thinks they have "a connection". Since they've met, he's fathered a child, not by his estranged wife, and is now involved with yet another woman, who's married. Clearly this guy has no character.
She's joined his gym, and now she's going into business with him. I'm kind of reaching my limit with discussing him but I don't want to do irreparable damage to our 10 year friendship. I've already explained that I have no respect for this "man" whatsoever. I don't really know why she keeps bringing him up. It's very sad. I've been there, kinda, but never to this extent.
What to do? I should point out, that since the VD incident, she's had no physical interactions with him. I told her the other day that listening to her talk was like hearing a story about a cat and a mouse. She's the mouse and he's the cat. She still doesn't get it.
- The Satisfaction of Friendships
- New here and ending a fwb 3
- Changes (long) 10
- OT - I am beside myself 3
- Should I contact him or not? 28
- why I am still single 3
- How to enjoy the rest of your life 11
- Message board mechanics: is this as good as it gets? 11
- Everything is Played Out 11
- Where do we go from here? 8
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Avoid the topic of her lover. A person obsessed is not rational(about that subject) There is nothing you can do about her obsession. Remember Adele Hugo?
You need to stop her when she starts. Don't let her get the sentence out. And keep on doing that. It may just take you having to step back a little from the friendship if you want peace of mind. She seems unwilling to respect you on that point--I'm sure she can talk about him to others.
This woman is in love with her fantasy of who this guy is. You need to tell her that you only listen because she's your friend but the guy is nobody to you as far as you're concerned he's scum. No skin off your nose really but if it bothers you (even after you tell her your honest opinion), you can just listen patiently. After she's done talking, you can 1) change the subject or 2) remind her how bad this guy really is. I had a couple of friend like that. One friend was not horrible. the other one was spine-slitterling pathetic. One time after he acidentally wrote her an email meant for another woman. She told me this sad story. After the story had the nerve to tell me: I told you this to teach you about this type of guy. I was totally offended. I had been telling her how delusional she was about this guy for the past two years. So I told her I don't need her teaching b/c I was already onto him from the beginning. She was speechless.
Thanks. She hasn't brought him up in a couple of weeks, thank goodness. I thought after the VD incident, she was over him. I didn't hear his name for a couple of months. Then, out of the blue, she's going into business with him(& clearly still fixated). I have to learn to let go of what I have no control over. I'm a passionate person so I get sucked in easily. I need to learn to turn that switch off from time to time. From now on, I'm just going to listen but with no input whatsoever. She's pretty perceptive so she'll eventually figure it out.