Date #5 and he's still nervous

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Date #5 and he's still nervous
13
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 12:23pm

I don't know what to think of this situation...

I have been out with this guy 5 times as of yesterday, we'll call him Dan. First date was just a drink, second date was dinner and a movie, third was lunch, fourth = pool and a beer, and yesterday was an afternoon video at his house.

So, the dilemma I have is that I like him, he's a nice guy, I'm attracted to him, BUT...
He is so nervous around me (he's the same one I posted about who won't call). He seems to be measuring everything he says, he's kissed me a few times but seems to be afraid to do so each time (two pecks and one really nice REAL kiss), and he can't seem to think of much to say to me. I can hear the nervousness in his voice whenever he talks to me.

I feel like, by date 5, we should have reached more of a comfort level than that. I am finding it really hard to be attracted to someone who is so nervous - and I'm a little puzzled about why he's that way. I make conversation easily, so I haven't really given him a reason to panic.

Bottom line - does this sound like a situation of "he's just not that into me" and, if he were, he'd be more aggressive? I'm just not sure if I should decide to move on, or give him more time. It's becoming uncomfortable to be around him, but I also don't want to be someone who bails on a guy too soon.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 12:33pm

He sounds like he's not very socially adept (the emails rather than phone calls would be further evidence of that)...I doubt it has anything to do with you personally. I don't have a lot of patience for that quality in someone I'm considering a relationship with (I see it as a sign of not being emotionally healthy)...so I would probably bail at this point. But if you are a more patient person and/or don't mind that he's not the most confident guy in the world, stick it out for a few more dates and see what happens.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 12:36pm
How do you feel around him otherwise? Is it just constant akwardness or just moments of it? Have you asked him "do you feel comfortable around me?" I may be off base here but five dates doesn't seem too soon to ask that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 2:00pm

>>He sounds like he's not very socially adept (the emails rather than phone calls would be further evidence of that)...I doubt it has anything to do with you personally. I don't have a lot of patience for that quality in someone...<<

Thanks for the input. I am finding myself not having a lot of patience for that quality myself. Honestly, I think I attract men who are this way because I am the patient, nurturing type. But, I don't want to be someone's mother or someone who just needs a confidence booster - I want an equal partner. I would love to find a guy who has confidence already.

I guess I already know I should move on -- I just want to make sure I'm moving on for a valid reason and not a superficial one.

I guess this is just one more experience that helps me clarify what I'm looking for.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 2:06pm

>>How do you feel around him otherwise? Is it just constant akwardness or just moments of it? <<

I feel uncomfortable -- I always have to get the conversation going. It's awkward overall.

*Dating is hard!!* :) I really hate the beginning stage of dating - HATE it. Everyone else seems to go nuts for all the butterflies and uncertainty/excitement, and I really can't stand that whole phase. I much prefer the comfortable phase - after you start to know someone pretty well.

I guess that attitude is affecting my whole approach to dating - something to think about, because I have to go through the beginning with someone if I hope to develop something real and lasting again.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 2:58pm

I don't think it should be that awkward at this point. If you're interested in going out with him again, I'd ask him if he feels uncomfortable. You have nothing to lose by asking this.

I'm not huge on the butterfly phase, either. Yes, I want a spark of interest and chemistry but I do much better in the more calm, acceptance stage.
Necessary evils- blah, blah, blah. :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 4:18pm
If your luck is anything like mine, he's just scared that his wife (the one he failed to tell you about) will show up.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 5:53pm

So far, my luck has not been quite that bad.

Sorry that's happened to you!! :(
Schmucks.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 1:26am
that is so funny! I think the wife spirit is hunting him too
Avatar for cute_queen
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 5:46am
Unlurking to say this happened to me too. I thought he really just liked me. Until SHE called me from his cell phone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 1:19pm

Update...

Well, two days later and no call and no e-mail. I think it's time to write this one off.

Thanks for your input, everyone.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

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