Date anxiety

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Date anxiety
14
Thu, 03-21-2013 - 11:56am

So Saturday I am going on the first date I have been on in 1 1/2 yrs--kind of pathetic, I know.  At least I thin it's a date--more about that later.  In Feb. I met a guy at a dance.  We have mutual friends.  He didn't know anyone else at that dance & I knew a lot of people.  I introduced him around but he danced with me more than anyone.  At the end of the night, since we belong to the same group, I said something like "Oh, maybe I'll see you at an event" and he said "I have your number.  I'll call you" but I never thought he actually would.  We hugged goodnight.  the next 3 weekends in Feb. were snow storms.  So 3 weeks ago, he emailed me to ask me if I wanted to go to a dance on 3/23.  I said yes.  Didn't hear from him after that until last weekend, when he emailed me to remind me of the dance.  I didn't think about it that much during that time or at least tried not to, figuring he might forget, something might come up--it's so far away, try not to obssess about it.  Last night he emailed me again to give me the time & place.  Now I never expected him to pick me up at my house--if he suggested it, I'd say don't bother, because he lives about 45 mins. from me and going to where I live would be very out of his way.  I did write back asking how we are going to find each other & asking for his phone number--this is some kind of huge dance weekend at a hotel that is supposed to have 100's of people--I wonder if he knows that.  It's not like one dance in a little hall where you are certain to find each other.  He didn't offer to pay or say anything about it so I won't assume he is going to pay, so then I'm wondering if he considers it a romantic date or just friends getting together--I'll start off assuming more of friends since we don't really know each other too well anyway.  Maybe he just wants a dance partner.

I have been not thinking much about it all along but of course since last night, now I have anxiety over all of this.  My son had to go to school later today and I was thrilled to be able to sleep an hour later and I woke up about 5:00 am & couldn't get back to sleep and then my stomach is in a knot.  I'm sure I'll be fine once I'm there since he is a very friendly guy and we don't have to talk every minute since we'll be dancing anyway.  But I do not want to walk into this huge event & be hunting for him so he better respond.

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Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Thu, 03-21-2013 - 5:25pm

Yay, Music! I'll be rooting for you Saturday night!

Since this isn't your first rodeo ;) I'm sure you'll do just fine. I think it's smart to approach it fairly neutral--he really could just be looking for a good dance partner at this point. And maybe he's not sure how to approach the "date" either--perhaps he doesn't want to scare you off by coming on all romantic and date-like, ya know?

We all want a full report Sunday morning.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 03-21-2013 - 7:41pm

Its normal to have dating anxiety when out of practice so just take deep breaths and think it will go fine.. It will go fine.. It will be okay..

yes; I do wonder how you will find him in a huge crowd. Well if he doesnt write back then stand at the back by the door and wait for him to come in... that does sound a bit weird.

well whether a friend, dance partner or lover its all good and hopefully you will have fun and get your groove on Stella....

Remember its just a date..and he is just a man.. (lol)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Thu, 03-21-2013 - 9:59pm

He's been reliable about communicating so far, so I think he will respond.  I would be nervous too though about it.  When you meet someone new, it's usually easier if you have some momentum and meet again sooner rather than later.   But the weather sure has made that difficult!

Hope you have a great time, regardless of whether it's an official date or not.  Enjoy and come back and let us know-

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Thu, 03-21-2013 - 11:06pm

Musiclover12-

Hi. I'm cheering for you too. Yes, it's definitely harder when dates are rare and you've been out of practice. Just remember that we men are people too. Don't think "date". Just think "getting to know a new person''---less scary.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 03-22-2013 - 10:47am

Thanks guys for the positive thoughts.  We did email last night--I got his phone number and we agreed on a place to meet so I have much less anxiety today.  I do think a lot of it was just being worried about finding him with a lot of people around.  He sounds excited to go to this event so that helps too.  Plus we have a mutual friend so I texted her yesterday and told her about it and she said that he is very nice and loves to dance, so I know I will have fun whether it's an official date or not. 

My 17 yr old son was funny.  I always have to remind him when I am going out because he'll be like "why aren't you home cooking me dinner?" when I told him 10 times I won't be home.  So he says "don't go to the guy's house"  I said that isn't going to happen considering his lives quite far from where we are going, then he says "Ok, then don't go in a dark alley."  I said "I think I'm supposed to be giving you dating advice, not the other way around." 

I will give a report on Sunday.

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Fri, 03-22-2013 - 3:32pm

Have fun... I'm sure it will be a blast!

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Fri, 03-22-2013 - 5:36pm

Have fun, Music!  Let us know how it went ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 03-24-2013 - 12:19pm

Ok I had a GREAT time!  We ended up changing plans a little at the last minute which probably worked out better--we went to a bar where there was a live band.  I had heard this band before & knew they were good.  But because of that, he was early so we met at the mall & just had some coffee first which made me more nervous wondering if it would be difficult to find things to talk about--thankfully there were no awkward silences. I like a guy who holds up his end of the conversation.  I hadn't told him what I did for work before (he said "I don't remember what you do" and I said "that's cause I never told you").  Luckily he is not intimidated by lawyers cause he does some kind of insurance/financial planning stuff so he is always working with lawyers.  He was impressed by the fact that I like football (his words were "men love women who like football"--uh, I thought it would have paid off by now, but so far it hadn't).  We didn't make specific plans to go out again but he was talking about things in the future, like I said I sometimes had gone to this dance in RI and he said "well you could come to my house & then I could drive you" or I said I hadn't seen a certain movie and he said "I have the DVD so I could give it to you."  So there appears to be some interest--we will just have to see.  

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: cfk_3
Sun, 03-24-2013 - 12:45pm

Awww, that sounds like so much fun.  I'm glad there was no awkwardness and you enjoyed yourself.  I have a feeling that you'll be seeing him again ;)

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 03-24-2013 - 2:28pm
This is the third time I've tried to post in this thread. The first two didn't work...so I'm just gonna say....Yay!

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