Date anxiety

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Date anxiety
Thu, 03-21-2013 - 11:56am

So Saturday I am going on the first date I have been on in 1 1/2 yrs--kind of pathetic, I know.  At least I thin it's a date--more about that later.  In Feb. I met a guy at a dance.  We have mutual friends.  He didn't know anyone else at that dance & I knew a lot of people.  I introduced him around but he danced with me more than anyone.  At the end of the night, since we belong to the same group, I said something like "Oh, maybe I'll see you at an event" and he said "I have your number.  I'll call you" but I never thought he actually would.  We hugged goodnight.  the next 3 weekends in Feb. were snow storms.  So 3 weeks ago, he emailed me to ask me if I wanted to go to a dance on 3/23.  I said yes.  Didn't hear from him after that until last weekend, when he emailed me to remind me of the dance.  I didn't think about it that much during that time or at least tried not to, figuring he might forget, something might come up--it's so far away, try not to obssess about it.  Last night he emailed me again to give me the time & place.  Now I never expected him to pick me up at my house--if he suggested it, I'd say don't bother, because he lives about 45 mins. from me and going to where I live would be very out of his way.  I did write back asking how we are going to find each other & asking for his phone number--this is some kind of huge dance weekend at a hotel that is supposed to have 100's of people--I wonder if he knows that.  It's not like one dance in a little hall where you are certain to find each other.  He didn't offer to pay or say anything about it so I won't assume he is going to pay, so then I'm wondering if he considers it a romantic date or just friends getting together--I'll start off assuming more of friends since we don't really know each other too well anyway.  Maybe he just wants a dance partner.

I have been not thinking much about it all along but of course since last night, now I have anxiety over all of this.  My son had to go to school later today and I was thrilled to be able to sleep an hour later and I woke up about 5:00 am & couldn't get back to sleep and then my stomach is in a knot.  I'm sure I'll be fine once I'm there since he is a very friendly guy and we don't have to talk every minute since we'll be dancing anyway.  But I do not want to walk into this huge event & be hunting for him so he better respond.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Thu, 03-21-2013 - 11:06pm


Hi. I'm cheering for you too. Yes, it's definitely harder when dates are rare and you've been out of practice. Just remember that we men are people too. Don't think "date". Just think "getting to know a new person''---less scary.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Thu, 03-21-2013 - 9:59pm

He's been reliable about communicating so far, so I think he will respond.  I would be nervous too though about it.  When you meet someone new, it's usually easier if you have some momentum and meet again sooner rather than later.   But the weather sure has made that difficult!

Hope you have a great time, regardless of whether it's an official date or not.  Enjoy and come back and let us know-

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 03-21-2013 - 7:41pm

Its normal to have dating anxiety when out of practice so just take deep breaths and think it will go fine.. It will go fine.. It will be okay..

yes; I do wonder how you will find him in a huge crowd. Well if he doesnt write back then stand at the back by the door and wait for him to come in... that does sound a bit weird.

well whether a friend, dance partner or lover its all good and hopefully you will have fun and get your groove on Stella....

Remember its just a date..and he is just a man.. (lol)

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Thu, 03-21-2013 - 5:25pm

Yay, Music! I'll be rooting for you Saturday night!

Since this isn't your first rodeo ;) I'm sure you'll do just fine. I think it's smart to approach it fairly neutral--he really could just be looking for a good dance partner at this point. And maybe he's not sure how to approach the "date" either--perhaps he doesn't want to scare you off by coming on all romantic and date-like, ya know?

We all want a full report Sunday morning.