Dating Ambivalence
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| Thu, 11-03-2005 - 7:57am |
Good Morning All,
It's funny, about a month ago I went through a period where I was upset and feeling sorry for myself because I was single. It didn't last long. My self-pity parties never do, but I had to let myself feel sad for a few days. At the time, I started thinking that I needed to get serious about dating again since I have been pretty lazy about it lately. I have done online dating in the past and have given up on it. Personally, I find it annoying and unproductive. But that's just me - I know it works for other people.
But now I am in this place where I am completely ambivalent. I just don't care. I look forward to spending time with friends and family and I just have no need or want to meet a man (not to mention a lack of energy). I know that this is yet another phase - one of many that we single folks experience time and again. In a way, it feels good because I am really enjoying my time without the preoccupation of always being on the lookout for men. On the other hand, it certainly will not increased my odds of meeting someone since I am expending literally zero energy in that direction.
Anyone else ever feel this way?
Jules

Yes! I totally agree. Dating feels like a series of job interviews. I really love relationships when they get to that comfortable phase -- but the beginning, uncertain phase is really no fun. It IS work to go out with several guys who really don't do much for you.
I also agree about online dating. I gave up on it as well because of too many dates, not enough true connections. It got really annoying and tiring for me to keep going out with complete strangers.
For your situation, it is good that you're not preoccupied with it right now. Not to be cliche, but they always say you meet someone when you least expect it. You never know when an interesting man will strike up a conversation at the grocery store or something.
Enjoy your friends, family and hobbies. When you have rebuilt your energy, you can try dating again!
AJ, enjoying life with C.
>Anyone else ever feel this way?
Yes...for years
***For your situation, it is good that you're not preoccupied with it right now. Not to be cliche, but they always say you meet someone when you least expect it. You never know when an interesting man will strike up a conversation at the grocery store or something.***
I do my grocery shopping online and have it delivered most of the time because I don't have a car. : )
As for meeting more or better people when I am not looking for or expecting it, it has jsut never worked that way for me. It doesn't vary much but, if anything, I have better luck when I am looking.
Hal,
Have you felt this way consistently for years, or just as a phase here and there? I think that it would be REALLY tough to date if I were always ambivalent...
I think that we all go through this faze. I'm going through it right now... if you look at my posting- my issue at hand has to do with something other then getting into a relationship... but i've got to say that if my issue hadn't come up- i'd be in the exact same mindframe as you.
I think that having your own time after a relationship is always good because it allows you to ... almost to discover who you are as an individual again. I didn't always think this way. Oh heck, there was a point when i wouldn't stop until I was dating again.... never really enjoying the time to myself. Now- i just enjoy going out to visit with friends and not having to answer to anyone but myself. Of course the companionship would be more then welcome.... but in the end we will survive.
Huh. Well, I am not sure how to respond to that. Dating is tough enough and doing it while self-absorbed can't be easy.
My goal for next year is to stop buying new shoes. : )
Yep, I've been through that.