Dating and the busy gal

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Dating and the busy gal
15
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 2:50pm

I posted this on the online dating board but thought I'd put it up here, too.

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Avatar for roxanne2020
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 4:10pm
I think if the guy's really interested, he'll be ok with your schedule, I only go out when I don't have my son which is every other weekend, and now that I'm talking to a new guy I made time for an hour after school on tuesdays and thursdays, he hasn't complained once....it took me a long time to find him and I really like him, and obviously he does too, if he's ok with it...we also talk everyday at least twice.......you shouldn't give up what you like to please anyone! And if it gets to that point it works both ways.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 4:15pm

Hi Stacey!

Don't feel bad about having a busy life! I think you have been clear about when you're free and have the time to meet with the guy, and you communicate with him - what more could you do? This may sound harsh, but you should definitely stick to the things you have planned to do and you enjoy, and if the guy isn't ok with that, let him go. It's more important that you meet your friends and family and do the things you love than try to please a guy you aren't sure about. It might happen that if you skip something for a guy you might regret it later, and it could even become the thing that causes you to break up with him, if you get that far. I actually gave up a hobby almost completely to spend more time with my ex, and I ended up disliking him for keeping me away from something I liked doing (even though it wasn't completely his fault, but he kind of expected me to cut it down a bit). I guess what I want to say is think hard before you give up anything, even if it is for one time.

Pipsa

P.S. I want you to know that I live in a country far away, and things are a bit different here, but some things are universal... :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 4:17pm

Stacey,

This is something that I struggle with a lot. My travel schedule is a turn off to some people. Add onto that my attendance at lectures, time spent with family and friends, my workout schedule, and some needed time alone and there often is not a lot left. Some things I don't mind sharing, like attending a museum exhibition. Other things, like the Council on Foreign Relations events, I am not inclined to share. I have been attending and enjoying those lectures for years and the last thing that I need is to introduce a man to that part of my life, break up with him, and have to worry about seeing his face in my favorite places.

Yes, I am busy. But, like you, I am more reluctant to change my plans for a date than I was in the past. Whether I like it or not, that means that I am less available - in more than one way. If I were to meet a great man, then I am sure that I would be more than happy to curtail some of my activities. But the downside of not being willing to do so now is the appearance of aloofness or insincerity to the men that I date. While I want to live my life the way that I enjoy, I do know that this means that some people will be turned off by it.

Not really any advice here - just some commisseration.

Jules

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 4:30pm

See, I've done that, too - in my last two relationships, I gave up a LOT of nights dancing.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 6:42pm

I have a kind of different opinion than everyone else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 7:07pm

Know what though, I don't tell guys that the same way I do here...just when a guy and I get into a discussion about my dancing, I mention, "Yeah, I go on Tues./Wed./Sat." conversationally, and then when we get into planning something I say, "How about Friday or Sunday?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 7:12pm

I think if you're just meeting someone and trying to find a time to get together, you should stick to your schedule, within reason. If neither of you are available, then some compromising is necessary. However, the second issue is if you make time for someone you're dating. Of course you're going to do that when the time is right. Everyone who wants to be with someone does it so I wouldn't even worry about that. I've found that if I'm struggling to schedule a first date, it's not really in the cards anyway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 9:32am
I do know what you mean and I can totally relate - I am the same way, believe me. I do enjoy my veg-out time on the sofa watching movies but I have real trouble sitting still a lot. Not only do I need my workouts, but I don't sleep in on the weekends and that has created a lot of tension in some of my relationships. I want to get up at 8:00 on weekend mornings and get my day started and I have dated men who like to sleep in. Which is fine if it's their place but they need to get their behinds out of my bed and house if it's MY place. Hehe. OK - that was only somewhat related to your point but I feel much better for having gotten it off of my chest. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 10:18am

LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 1:10pm

I rarely stay out past midnight these days but, even when I do, I still want to get up at 8:00 because I feel like I wasted the whole day if I sleep in late. Occasionally, I do sleep in - especially after I have been traveling because I never sleep well on the road - but generally I am up and making coffee early. I have one of those grind & brew coffeepots that grinds the beans AND brews them. It makes amazing coffee but, when grinding the beans, it sounds like a small plane is landing in my kitchen. While I may not kick someone out of my bed in the morning, that wonderful little appliance means that I never have to. :)

Also - I don't want children. My sister and her husband cannot sleep in for the next 14 years even if they want to. I guess that, knowing this is not in my future, I do not feel the need to get in my late mornings now.

The things that I like to do end early anyway. I have no patience for clubs and very little for bars so I usually only stay out late when I am at a party.

Speaking of, a really close friend of mine (who is married but super cool and totally in need of her girl time) had a party for 2 the night before I left for Jacksonville. She and I drank and entire bottle of vodka and had a blast dancing around my apartment like big dorks and talking about men. I vaguely remember drunkenly walking her to my corner at 2:30am so that she could get a taxi. I was pretty hungover the next day which stunk because I hate flying with a hangover. At any rate, THAT I will stay up late for. Time with good friends and getting some action are about the only 2 things that will keep me up these days.

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