Dating breaks

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Dating breaks
23
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 4:30pm

I have been on a self-imposed dating break this month because I was so stressed at work and with life in general, I just couldn't deal with the added stress of dating new people and the job-interview-like process that goes with it. My break will offically be over in March.

Here's the odd part -- while on this break, I've been feeling bummed that I don't have anyone actively pursuing me right now and asking me out. I'm feeling like I might have shut down all my options, and now maybe I won't have any options when I want them. Does that make sense? I don't know how to express that clearly. It's like I'm giving off a "don't ask me out" vibe.

My 31st birthday is in a few weeks, and I'm really feeling like time is winding down for me. Like there's some voice telling me that I won't ever get a date again now that I am officially into my 30s.

So, is my dating break the death of my dating life? Did the break kill any momentum I might have built up? What do I do to kick start my love life when my break is over?

Random musings. (The sex thread also made me think my sex life might be over, too). ;)

AJ, enjoying life with C.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2005
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 5:51pm

so where are you meeting all these people that you need to take a break from? I hardly think a sex life would be over at 31

My problem is that i dont seem to meet anyone...why? Because i dont go out much. Why? Because i basically have no single friends to go out with. SO at 27 i feel like my life is over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 6:17pm

Most of my post was tongue in cheek - I really hope my sex and love life isn't over at 31 - and yours isn't over at 27. :) (Plenty of posters over that age here and on other boards prove that theory wrong)

In recent history, I met most of my dates online - Match, Craig's List, etc. I have met one or two through social and networking groups, and I have had one set up.

When I come out of this break, I am really hoping to not meet as many people online. It is just so tiring to meet people that way, and often disappointing. I guess with online dating, it created a bit of a glut of men for me -- but nobody really special. I was dating constantly, but not excited about anyone. Now, I'm not dating at all and I am feeling like there are no prospects.

So, I guess it comes down to quality over quantity. I'd love to have just ONE man pursuing me - with the hopes that he's one really great man with some potential. The trick is - where and how?

AJ, enjoying life with C.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 7:10pm

I'm with Foolishheart- I don't know HOW to take a break from nothing!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 7:15pm
It's moments like these when those FWBs are attractive. It's also when the memories of exes come floating back. Thankfully, I am not prone to drunk dialing. :)

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 7:18pm
I've never really been one to take an "official" break. It seems like life just gives me breaks without any effort of my own. So, maybe, that's what it is for you, too.\
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 9:39am
I too have been thinking of taking a break from putting out the "ask me out" vibe. I was going out on dates and then falling hard for the wrong guys and I've never been good at casually dating. But I too am afraid that I might blow off the right guy. Who knows? The whole love thing is pretty laughable sometimes. You mentioned that you wished you had just one man pursuing you, but I personally admire your ability to date several guys at one time and not be excited about any of them. That's what I need right now. I've had the one guy pursuing me really hard and it turns out that those are the guys who just love the chase. Who knows? I'm burned out on dating right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 10:56am

Maybe I should change that to "one guy who intends to catch me and keep me." :) I certainly am tired of men who enjoy the chase but can't handle the responsibility of a real relationship. Dating several people was fun, and good for me, for awhile after my LTR ended -- but now I really miss the comfort of having someone stable and permanent.

Lesley - you are probably right that the universe is helping me out with this break. It has been much needed. I guess this is an opportunity to practice patience. Always a difficult challenge for me.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 11:39am

When I take these self-imposed breaks, I often doubt the wisdom of them. But it has never done anything but help my dating life because, once I get back into it, I have more energy. I think that it's natural to wonder if we are missing a chance but I think that you deserve to recharge your batteries and not beat yourself up about it.

And - as someone who is turning 33 in May - I think that dating is 100 times better now for a bunch of reasons that I don't have time to list out here. In a nutshell, it's more about quality than quantity now and I really like that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 12:06pm

*I guess this is an opportunity to practice patience. Always a difficult challenge for me.*

You and me, both. Relinquinshing all control (or even the idea that you have it) is one of the hardest things I try to do. Notice, I said "try" to do... hopefully someday I'll get to the point where I actually do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 12:14pm

>>And - as someone who is turning 33 in May - I think that dating is 100 times better now for a bunch of reasons that I don't have time to list out here. <<

Here's hoping! Thanks for saying that, Jules. I am definitely seeking quality at this stage in my life, so maybe these little breaks help me gain a little bit of perspective about what I really want and need in my life.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

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