Dating Dignity

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
Dating Dignity
3
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 3:58am

Here are some humorous tips for the single gal!
What ABSOLUTELY NOT to do on a first date
( or any date for that matter)

* Take a faux fall to test his heroism, you'll only end up spraining your ankle.

* Say to him " you're paying aren't you? Because I just spent all my money on the slots last night."

* You should never stick it out when hes brought you to Earl's Truck Stop for the $7.99 friday night Grand Slam buffet. Tater tots are not a romance make.

* Announce you've decided to become celibate after your last boyfriend left you with a broken heart...........and chlamyida............ok and crabs. But you've taken care of it. Swear.

* Bring your 7 month toy poodle Mitsy, complete with her own carrying case and inflatable water bowl. She has to approve of all potential daddies.

* Wear any sort of tennis shoe. The marathon doesn't start until you hit the bedroom. (outdoor activities excluded)

* Have too many cocktails, resulting in throwing up in your dates napkin- filet mignon still intact. Then, feeling guilty, ask the waiter for more A1. You hate to waste perfectly good steak.

* Tell him he needs to have you home by 9 p.m. The season premier of Laguna Beach is on. You like totally can't miss it.

* Proclaim you hope he's not just looking to get laid, you're bleeding this week. Plus it's been so long it's starting to grow over down there.

* Answer your phone when your ex boyfriend is calling...........collect from the penitentary.
( you lose more points if you ditch your date to bail him out)

* Tell him you knew from the second you laid eyes on him it was meant to be. The Cosmo horoscope told you. There will also be a suprise proposal in the spring. Hint.Hint.;)

* Dialogue-
You " So what do you think of the names Jonathan and Lily?"
Him " The're good names, why?"
You " oh, no reason."

* Dialogue-
" So Tim, did you say you like to play tennis?"
" Actually, it's Tom and i play football."

* Hook him up to a polygraph test you purchased off Ebay. Better everything come out sooner rather than later.

* When he tells you to order whatever you like, you order The 5 lb lobster, $200 bottle of Dom Perignon, a $12 side salad, and a second lobster to go for lunch tomorrow.

* Bring pictures of your ex boyfriend, the call him "G", just to show him he has nothing to worry about. It wouldn't have worked out anyways. He spent more time with his gang than he did with you. There was also that time he maced you........ by accident of course.

* Make him go to your high school reunion telling everyone he's your rich boyfriend whos great grandfather invented scotch tape.

* Drop subtle hints about your ring size. For example:
" My friends all say i have small fingers because i wear a size five ring."

* When he takes you to a movie, you pick the lastest chick flick of course, then hand him a pen and paper telling him he'd better take notes. There may be a quiz.

Well, God knows i'm far from an expert when it comes to dating, I think the nervousness takes over. But I hope I at least gave everyone a laugh!

p.s. This is an example of what I do when i'm bored at work :)

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: citygal24
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 6:16pm
The question is: Have you done any of these things?!?!?!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
In reply to: citygal24
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 7:11pm
Haha, no. But if i did it would definately explain why i'm still single!:)
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: citygal24
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 7:43pm
You got jokes girl ; )