Dating etiquette-sex too soon?
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Dating etiquette-sex too soon?
| Sat, 07-07-2007 - 1:44pm |
Hi,
I'm 25...started dating a great guy about a month ago...well educated, has his life in order, etc. I'm not always open to relationships, but he seems like someone who'd be worth it. The first 3 dates were nice, went out for dinner/drinks/comedy club, etc. The fourth date we had sex. He seemed eager to impress me with the dates at first. Now he seems less likely to plan a dating situation, and more likely to have me over to "watch tv"...which really means, watch tv, (great) conversation, and then have sex. I am really worried that this is heading down a "friend with benefits" road, which is not what I want with this guy. I know he is open to a serious relationship with someone, is that someone going to be me? Is there any way I can salvage this and turn this around, or is this doomed?
~Emily
I'm 25...started dating a great guy about a month ago...well educated, has his life in order, etc. I'm not always open to relationships, but he seems like someone who'd be worth it. The first 3 dates were nice, went out for dinner/drinks/comedy club, etc. The fourth date we had sex. He seemed eager to impress me with the dates at first. Now he seems less likely to plan a dating situation, and more likely to have me over to "watch tv"...which really means, watch tv, (great) conversation, and then have sex. I am really worried that this is heading down a "friend with benefits" road, which is not what I want with this guy. I know he is open to a serious relationship with someone, is that someone going to be me? Is there any way I can salvage this and turn this around, or is this doomed?
~Emily

Well, at only a month into it, it is FAR too soon for either of you to have any idea of whether you're compatible enough for a LTR. So that question needs to be put off for at least 4-6 months, which is the minimum amount of time it takes to begin to have an inkling of whether you're truly compatible.
So you either need to be ok with the risk that one or both of you will decide that you're not compatible down the road, or you need to stop having sex with him until you've been seeing each other longer (but putting the genie back in the bottle, so to speak, is a very hard thing to do).
As far as the coming over to watch TV dates, just say no if that's not what you want on a regular basis ;-). A simple "thanks for inviting me over, but I'd really rather go out...maybe we could try that new restaurant downtown" should do the trick--and if not, then maybe that's your first indication that the two of you are not a good fit.
Sheri
Thanks for the great advice. Last week he called me at 11pm to hang out, which I though was a total booty call so I turned it down. A few days later he called at a decent time, wanted to "watch tv" again, and I suggested a movie...which he gladly took me and paid...which I took as a good sign? Hopefully. Thanks again.
Hey there,
A Guys Opinion. Well humm...maybe we should name your topic "dating preferences". There isn't really such thing as etiquette unless you want him to ask please or question everything he does.
Ok, to the point. Seems your b/f or date is just starting to be very interested in just the sex. Well if you want to salvage it, communicate with him what the intentions of you two being together are. What are you looking for? Also ask him, what is he looking for? You seem lost so communication is always good for a healthy relationship if there is going to be one.
Also let him know that this "watching tv" isn't really much of a "turn on" at least thats what i'm getting from your post. Like you said and you caught it too...looks like he was trying the "win her approval techniques".
If there is no communication then maybe its time to "run for the hills" from this guy. Doesn't seem like it would go anywhere else except the bedroom if this is true.
Good Luck.