Dating Feminine/Sensitive Men?

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Registered: 09-08-2005
Dating Feminine/Sensitive Men?
16
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 12:31am

i'm interested in a man/co-worker that's about 10 yrs older than me. i'm in my late 20s and he's in his late 30s. (i also know the consequences about dating a co-worker.) when i've had lunch with him a couple of times and chit-chatted at work a few times (the past month or so all of this started happening - i started working there a couple of months ago), he comes off more on the sensitive, feminine side.

sometimes his hand gestures are what i would see girls doing and i've heard him say to another co-worker (older woman in her 60s) that her outfit is "cute" and it complemented her. so he tends to be the very complementing type towards people, in general. he's sometimes sensitive in a sense that when i am joking about smthg then he'll react like "oh, i'm sorry i didn't mean it that way..."...i just don't think he can tell that i like to joke around a lot (maybe just uptight or not comfortable with me yet? -- probably since we haven't really interacted/conversed very much because we don't work together and sit on opposite sides of the building).

i don't think he's gay because he's casually mentioned at lunch one time if i was interested in having dinner ("one of these nights we should check out this restaurant...") -- i told him i would be interested, but we haven't set a "date" yet. he also indirectly asked if i had a bf and should "we" should have lunch more often. we sit on the same floor, but waay on the other side of the building so he goes the "extra mile" to come down and talk to me. otherwise, we chit-chat when we run into each other on the floor. he's very into music - understanding the meaning/sounds (jazz mostly but also likes rock), understands/interested in other cultures' food/music/values --- pretty much cultural things, talks about his family a lot, taught classes for elementary school kids who are at a disadvantage (financially).

on the flipside, he's a "techie" kind of guy too. gets excited about the latest programming tools, software/hardware, etc. and raves about all kinds of sports...he knows EVERYTHING about all the latest sports news and watches baseball/basketball. at one point, some other guy co-workers were (being guys) and asked him "so how was your lunch today?"...the how-did-it-go-and-did-you-get-her-phone-number kind of looks?

so my question is -- can guys be more of a "manly-man" around guys and yet be more sensitive/feminine towards women?

i mean, my gut feeling tells me this guy is just more in tune with a girl's needs and not gay. some girls like this type of guy and others don't. since my past exes, were more of a manly man, i've never experienced a relationship with a more sensitive type of guy. however, everything that he is interested in (music, family, cultures, helping others, techie stuff, etc.), i am also interested in too -- we have a lot in common (except the huge age diff). i also feel like he's been trying to settle down with someone for quite sometime (due to his age?) and may turn some girls off because of his sensitive side. how i feel overall though is that i would want to date him and find out more about him.

any thoughts about my situation would be helpful!

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 6:14am

You have asked two things: "so my question is -- can guys be more of a "manly-man" around guys and yet be more sensitive/feminine towards women?" and "any thoughts about my situation would be helpful!"

Your co-worker has answered Question #1.

My take on your Question #2 is that until he asks you out, your relationship to your co-worker is a work friendship and nothing more. If he does not have the balls to ask you out then he is more fem than a man and just as well you don't have a romantic relationship with him. So I would just take your friendship with your co-worker as a friendship, nothing more and nothing less and just enjoy it for what it is.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 4:47pm

"so my question is -- can guys be more of a "manly-man" around guys and yet be more sensitive/feminine towards women?" and "any thoughts about my situation would be helpful!"

Just read my posts. lol I am BRUTAL with men. I expect them to be able to take it, and dish it back. (-: Totally different than I am with women. I can’t even tell you exactly why I am like that. Most woman I know can go toe to toe with the best of them. (-:

I will add a possibility . . .men lose jobs over things like asking women out at work . . .PC world these days. All it takes is ANY misunderstanding, any complaint . . and the company gets gun shy on a law suite over sexual harassment . . . He might not be afraid of you as much as afraid of thee consequences of getting it wrong. I assume a fairly large company just because of the “floor” comment . . . . I have said several times, I doge it at work . . .(-: I have worked for a few zero tolerance companies.
Just a possibility.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2007
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 6:40pm

>>men lose jobs over things like asking women out at work . . .PC world these days. All it takes is ANY misunderstanding, any complaint<<

You are tempting me with one of my favorite subjects! But I will try to keep it short.

Who/what's behind the PC madness ? Radical liberals. Radical liberals are just socialists who won't admit they are, so hide behind names like "progressives" and "liberals". A core belief of socialists is *equality*, or rather forced equality. If they see natural differences between groups they legislate, sue, or whatever until all disparities have been forcibly removed or until they have completely screwed up what they tried to fix. If they see economic disparity, they blame the "rich" and tax the hell out of the wealth creators (entrepreneurs) and redistribute to the less productive members of society, as if that magically solves everything. If they see perceived differences between ethnicities, they pass laws to make sure everyone ends up in the same place regardless of personal effort or achievement. In schools they dumb down smart ones and high achievers and give undeserving grades to the low achievers just so in the end no one feels less. When they see natural gender differences, they pass laws to remove these differences even to the point of absurdity. When talk radio dominates in a market because there is no appetite for liberal viewpoints among radio listeners, they try to enact "fairness" doctrines to force opposing viewpoints onto listeners. Liberals LOVE passing laws. That's how they force their will on the people. If you think about it, its pretty much like communism where an elite self appointed few enslave an entire people. You think the liberals (Democrats) wouldn't do away with elections if they could ?

Anyway, it brings me to the question.. so what's all this go to do with sexual harassment ? Sexual harassment laws are meant to protect the UNattractive! Sexual harassment has less to do with the actual act of harassment than it has with who's NOT getting "harassed". Sound's absurd, doesn't it ? How many times have we read news stories where companies were forced by law to expel employees even when no harassment charges were made by the alleged victim ? Sexual harassment laws are entirely a creation of the radical feminist movement. In the famous words of Limbaugh, "Radical feminism was created so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society." Find me ONE attractive radical feminist if you can, except Naomi Wolf who's OK.




Edited 6/23/2007 6:43 pm ET by fruitedplain
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 7:46pm
>>


Edited 6/25/2007 9:03 am ET by elwood1960
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2007
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 7:49pm

What is your definition of masculine men? The 6"5" Nascar watching, Budweiser drinking, football watching, barbecue hosting, F150 driving types ?

I do none of those.

And feminine men -- the hand gesturing, "culture loving", food/wine loving, jazz listening, touchy feely metrosexual ?

I don't gesture so much with my hands , but I definitely love culture - in fact I think I am going to get season tickets to the Arizona Opera for this fall, 90% of the music I listen to was composed before 1899, I am not touchy feely though lately I have been hanging around these women's boards talking about girly stuff. I don't watch Nascar , football, and certainly not Larry the cable guy (never understood his appeal).

Does that make me feminine ? Hardly. I am as virile as they come. And if you are curious, from the base of my palm to the tip of my middle finger, I measure a solid 8" -- whatever that means.

I think your views of manly men and feminine men are a little stereotypical. If you want an example of a real feminine man look at Ross The Intern from the Tonight Show. Now that's a real girly man. It's not an act, he is as girly off camera as he is on . But being culturally aware and interested in the arts makes someone a girly man not.




Edited 6/23/2007 8:03 pm ET by fruitedplain
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2007
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 7:59pm

I am not saying sexual harassment is not real and never happens. But the actual cases of legitimate harassment are rare. What passes under the name of harassment most of the time is *absurdity* such as complimenting a woman on her appearance, or even looking at someone "wrong". The thought police step in and charge you with "harassment".

There was a news story on the Drudge Report some time ago where a woman in the UK could not believe a man was fired for "harassing" her, even after she said no harassment whatsoever took place. I will see if I can find that link.




Edited 6/23/2007 8:19 pm ET by fruitedplain
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 10:14pm
>>>


Edited 6/25/2007 9:04 am ET by elwood1960
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2007
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 10:41pm

>>you might just see how that rather ugly response you sent to TG was wrong ... Why you felt >>compelled to post something like that on THIS board . . . I don’t get it. Like her post, what did you hope to gain? That I don’t even pretend to understand.
>>Like TG’s drive by . . .was it for an evening of . . . fantasy . . .?? Some self >>satisfaction of expression?

It was a joke, with a surprise in the punch line saved for the end. In fact most of my post had to do with building up to that line. TGC was sporting about it -- she did put a smiley at the end of her response didn't she ? I am pretty sure she didn't take offense.

When I write something that's meant to be funny, such as some of my tongue-in-cheek self adulatory comments, I never put smileys to indicate that. If you have to indicate something is meant to be funny, it's no longer funny.




Edited 6/24/2007 2:23 am ET by fruitedplain
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 11:25pm

I dated a doctor for a short time in my early twenties. Of course, my mother was thrilled, but I ended up breaking things off with him because his hands were small. Looking back, I realize that it was extremely shallow of me but I tried to overlook it. After all, I was able to overlook the fact that his hairline was receding, but alas, I couldn't get over the tiny hands. My mother is a nurse and ran into him several years ago. She said he had on a wedding ring so, good for him.

I have a family friend who speaks just like a woman. Coincidentally, I know his father as well, and he talks the same way. Anyway, his son has been happily married for a while now and has a son. He seems like a very good father/husband. I would imagine that if one could look past a few of the little things, a man like that might have much more to offer a woman than the neanderthals I am inclined to date.

I love Jazz men . . . there's just something about them. Don't you agree? If he asks you out, I think you should give him a chance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2007
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 11:43pm

This man epitomizes maleness. He is an Uber male / alpha male/ macho man whatever you wish to call him. He is 56, single (after three divorces), lives with his cat Punkin , likes women and scrapes by with a measly $ 33 million / year.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iO8sZHubFts

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