Dating Feminine/Sensitive Men?
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| Sat, 06-23-2007 - 12:31am |
i'm interested in a man/co-worker that's about 10 yrs older than me. i'm in my late 20s and he's in his late 30s. (i also know the consequences about dating a co-worker.) when i've had lunch with him a couple of times and chit-chatted at work a few times (the past month or so all of this started happening - i started working there a couple of months ago), he comes off more on the sensitive, feminine side.
sometimes his hand gestures are what i would see girls doing and i've heard him say to another co-worker (older woman in her 60s) that her outfit is "cute" and it complemented her. so he tends to be the very complementing type towards people, in general. he's sometimes sensitive in a sense that when i am joking about smthg then he'll react like "oh, i'm sorry i didn't mean it that way..."...i just don't think he can tell that i like to joke around a lot (maybe just uptight or not comfortable with me yet? -- probably since we haven't really interacted/conversed very much because we don't work together and sit on opposite sides of the building).
i don't think he's gay because he's casually mentioned at lunch one time if i was interested in having dinner ("one of these nights we should check out this restaurant...") -- i told him i would be interested, but we haven't set a "date" yet. he also indirectly asked if i had a bf and should "we" should have lunch more often. we sit on the same floor, but waay on the other side of the building so he goes the "extra mile" to come down and talk to me. otherwise, we chit-chat when we run into each other on the floor. he's very into music - understanding the meaning/sounds (jazz mostly but also likes rock), understands/interested in other cultures' food/music/values --- pretty much cultural things, talks about his family a lot, taught classes for elementary school kids who are at a disadvantage (financially).
on the flipside, he's a "techie" kind of guy too. gets excited about the latest programming tools, software/hardware, etc. and raves about all kinds of sports...he knows EVERYTHING about all the latest sports news and watches baseball/basketball. at one point, some other guy co-workers were (being guys) and asked him "so how was your lunch today?"...the how-did-it-go-and-did-you-get-her-phone-number kind of looks?
so my question is -- can guys be more of a "manly-man" around guys and yet be more sensitive/feminine towards women?
i mean, my gut feeling tells me this guy is just more in tune with a girl's needs and not gay. some girls like this type of guy and others don't. since my past exes, were more of a manly man, i've never experienced a relationship with a more sensitive type of guy. however, everything that he is interested in (music, family, cultures, helping others, techie stuff, etc.), i am also interested in too -- we have a lot in common (except the huge age diff). i also feel like he's been trying to settle down with someone for quite sometime (due to his age?) and may turn some girls off because of his sensitive side. how i feel overall though is that i would want to date him and find out more about him.
any thoughts about my situation would be helpful!

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the whole thing about dating in the workplace is familiar territory for me (just not at this company). i usually find a guy in school/work/thru friends. however, since i've completed graduate school and depleted all my resources (friends) for finding a guy, i've resorted to the workplace.
this guy that i'm interested in actually works for a company that my company outsources to (75% of the people on the floor is the outsourced company. my company has several headquarters). so i'm not sure if there's any policies in regards to a customer/client relationship. however, i looked into our policies and it doesn't state anything about dating other employees/vendors, etc. of course, i don't know what this outsourced company's dating policies are. also, since california laws are considered "at will" -- anyone can be let go at anytime for any reason.
maybe if i were kept more busy at work, i wouldn't have to think about him or any of the guys there! i guess this is the first time i've met a guy that is THIS cultured, which i totally admire in a man, especially since it similar to my interests --- i just love it!
so we'll see where it goes! if anything happens, i'll keep y'all posted.
thanks to all the responses (and the interesting debates going on in this thread)!
Well I had to edit . . I had a bottle of "fine" Australian wine last night . . much like orange juice, “some pulp added”. Awful. Typing under the influence should be outlawed.
As to your comments to TG . . I am new and have no idea what the relationships are, just seemed a bit out of the blue, and I had never seen you go there before.
I do think you hit a very good point. What is manly? Bet if we made that a subject the answers would vary wildly once the ever consistent “confident” word was used. Heck, define confident. Same thing I bet.
I say to the OP, if he screws up the courage to ask you out, and . . you find you are happy with him . . he’s man enough. (-:
Edited 6/24/2007 10:45 am ET by elwood1960
Edited 6/24/2007 11:19 am ET by elwood1960
>but I ended up breaking things off with him because his hands were small.
I am assuming you meant that in a metaphorical sense.
Edited 6/24/2007 2:15 am ET by fruitedplain
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Deirdre
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