The Dating Gods Lend Hal A Helping Hand

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
The Dating Gods Lend Hal A Helping Hand
40
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 11:04am

So, who do I bump into in the supermarket again? Yes, you guessed it:-

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlsinglelovi&msg=6445.1&ctx=128

We started chatting about different things and she finally asks me what my plans are. I told her I have a couple of weeks off work and didn’t have any plans. She then says, “Well send me a text or call if you want to do something”! She is off tomorrow (Saturday) and I said that I would definitely be in touch. Not only that, during the conversation we discovered her birthday is 1 day after mine and she suggested we should celebrate! It looks like this excessively long, arduous and infuriating story is finally coming to a conclusion.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2006
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 3:33pm
Ha!!! No mystery woman here. I haven't been asked out in....a long while. I'm in a small poke town in Texas where the average age is mid 20's...and I'm about 10 years older than that. You'd like it here, though. LOTS and LOTS of cowboys!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 3:38pm

>to send a subliminal message

Unlikely. I need flashing neon lights.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 3:51pm
Cowardly? We already went on a "date". SHE is the one who seems more comfortable with texting. Can you please explain WHY the onus is on me to do more? Why doesn't she call me? Don't give me the "It's a man's job" nonsense, especially after saying you asked your neighbour out. C'mon, it's the 21st century!! You are using a thing called “A Computer” to send messages over a vast communications network called "The Internet". Remember the time when people sent telegrams....ahhh the good old days...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 3:55pm
Well, in a couple years if I haven't found me a "Northeastern Cowboy" (most of the cowboys up here are actually transplants from Texas or other "cowboy" places), I'll have to try a different state.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 4:07pm

Ok tallgirl.

A brief summary of what happened.

1) She texts me, thanking me for an enjoyable day out

2) I reply in kind

3) The next day I text her, asking her if she wants to do something for the evening

4) I get no reply.

Now, explain to me exactly where I may have confused her, please. Explain it to me in "Dating for Dummies" style. Why do I get the impression people are reluctant to say, "She isn't interested"? Think about it tallgirl. Would you have ignored the message?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2006
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 5:02pm

Hey, Hal. You can play it your way. You won't get any answers unless you ask the question, though.

The onus (what the heck does "onus" mean anyway? never mind. I can look it up on my vast communication network called the internet) is on you because you're the one interested in her. The general idea is that if a person is really interested in another, then they'll go out of their way and leave no question as to how interested they are in another person. It is entirely possible she was put off by you asking her out using text messages. Is it going to kill you to pick up the phone and ask her out? I highly suggest you try calling her and see what happens. At the very least, you'll know if she's interested or not.

In the "good old days" men asked women out in person!!!! Flowers don't hurt either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 6:00pm

I'm saying that you just can't assume anything - especially because you didn't speak to her directly. The message is floating in cyberspace - and it may or may not have made it to her.

She also might be a lot like me and prefer to be asked out sooner than the same day you want to take her out. (One of my absolute pet peeves). I might have ignored the message if I were her to show you that I have a life, and that a little planning ahead might be in order on your part.

Just some possible alternate explanations. It doesn't always mean she's not into you.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 10:38pm

I'm sort of failing to understand this aversion to actually calling her. Why? I don't get it. But whatever...

And, Hal, you seem to have this fairy tale idea that both people are supposed to be REALLY INTO each other at the same time and all things will just fall into place.

It very rarely works like that. It just doesn't. And yeah this is the 21st century and women are allowed to call guys as ask them for dates - but YOU're the interested party here, and you need to do "the dance." And you're not dancing. You're not even trying. And, no, texting does not count. That's for the 15-year-old boys. I'm assuming that she's not 15.

What is SO HARD about calling her? Can you answer that? Please? Can you provide a straightforward answer?? I have yet to hear one.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 10:59pm

We've been trying to tell him that for a month now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 4:07am

I think the women here are trapped in the paradigm that “Only men who call are worth dating”. This doesn’t make sense in the context of this situation or from my previous experience. If you need further convincing, I gave my mobile number to another woman at the gym after I offered to help with one of her projects. A few weeks later she came over to my house for assistance. A couple of weeks after that I was invited to her house to have dinner and help with the final parts of her project. Since then she has *TWICE* asked me out for drinks with her friends by text. In fact, all of our communication has been conducted via e-mail and text. The relationship I was in before this started out purely by e-mail and text communication.

All of this aside, I get the impression that some of the suggestions are being made without taking into consideration all the facts at hand. So here is an outline:

1) We have spoken in person almost daily for the past few weeks (whenever she has been working and I’ve been at the gym).
2) She asked me *IN PERSON* to get in touch with her if I want to “do something”
3) I got in touch with her and we “did something” together IN PERSON.
4) She TEXT me later that evening thanking me for an “enjoyable day”
5) I sent a text to her the next evening to find out if she wanted to again.
6) No Reply

If you have any advice to offer that does NOT revolve around the fact that I text her then please feel free to post it. If not, then please let this thread make it’s way down into the archives where it will be forgotten forever.

The End.

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