Dating looks vs personality

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
Dating looks vs personality
Mon, 04-21-2014 - 6:35pm


First time on this board. I been thinking about dating, what I want. I have meet thing guy, who is my veterinarian, he is everything I been looking for. Personitly compassionite, i just like being aroun him. There is an underspoken likeing between us. We are on the same dating site we do check each other out. But no matter how great he is he is not what I am looking for when it comes to attraction, He is not good looking or looking at all. lol. He has big ears if throw it all off. I am thinking about asking him to get coffee. What do you guys think, men and woman, dating someone of your dreams but physcial attraction is not there or there a little. Would you date him or her or would you skip it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 04-21-2014 - 7:30pm

I think if physical attraction is not there at all, you can be friends but it probably won't work out.  But I have been attracted to guys in the past who were not really good looking--I think their personality made them more attractive to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Tue, 04-22-2014 - 10:47am

There is a difference between finding someone attractive and having chemistry with them. There are men who I think of as attractive, but I would have no desire to kiss them, etc. It's like a brotherly feeling. A man doesn't have to look like a model for me to have chemistry with him, but I do have to find something cute enough about him to want to get excited about looking at them and wanting to kiss him. There are men who I wished I could have had chemistry with because they were great catches. It was a shame, but would have never worked. I, myself, wouldn't want to be with a man who thought I just looked mediocre. Keep looking for someone who is both a great guy and who you have chemistry with.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 04-23-2014 - 12:49am

It is what you know is important.  There are many items making up attractivness and that is  for you to decide.  Sexual chemistry is one important component.  Personality,intelligence,education, all matter.  It is your values that decide and none other.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 04-25-2014 - 10:29am

It is difficult to "date" someone if there is no chemistry.  On the other hand, I am a firm believer that men and women can be good friends and if you two get along great, there is no reason not ot hang out, do activities together.  While he may not work out as a potential BF, you may meet some of his male friends who share the same personality traits (birds of a feather flock together) but with different looks ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Sat, 04-26-2014 - 3:29pm

Before I read the post from Xsss, I was thinking the same as she was.  Your question is really only for you to answer.  No matter how much you tell us about yourself, all we can do is offer some suggestions that you can get some "inspiration" for lack of a better term, from.  Sorry for the clumsy analogy, but your situation seems much like what my daughter went through when trying to decide on a career path.  She just didn't understand why I couldn't just tell her, she follow my advice and everything would turn out OK.  You'll likely have more important decisions to make along the way but this sounds like a character builder for you.  Something that you can learn about yourself from.  In "the old days" people used to keep diaries of the major events in their lives including decisions they had to make.  They were able over the years to see the direction their lives had taken and why.  You may want to at least consider doing something like this.  The best of luck.  Craig.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2014
Sun, 04-27-2014 - 9:22pm

You have to be atrracted to the person in some way for sure but you should go out with him to see if those feelings can be validated.  People always don't look exactly the same in pictures as they do in person.  I'd give him the chance.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Mon, 04-28-2014 - 9:18am

Apparently you see each other during the vet appointments and know of the mutual online site....yet he never has hinted or suggested anything more than that? The online is a very easy opening line to start with. So this may be a shocking idea, but maybe he isn't attracted to you either no matter how attractive you may feel you are. As a guy, there are many women who I meet on my job who I get along with well, but that doesn't mean they are someone I would date. If he's a good vet, better to keep it at that rather than create an awkward situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Tue, 04-29-2014 - 11:36pm

Skip it.

If you found him attractive plus ideal personality then I would say go for it. But since you don't find him attractive there's a good chance that a relationship will not develop...and then you risk losing a good vet if its awkward later.

There are a lot of potential bf's out there but a good vet that your pet likes is hard to find.

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Fri, 05-02-2014 - 5:05pm

I would date someone I felt I clicked with.  While I do have my preferences, if he's got personality plus and has an attractive wit, I can work with the rest.  I would never date someone on looks alone.  Quickest route to disappointment because looks don't last.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 05-04-2014 - 11:26am

musiclover12 wrote:
<p>I think if physical attraction is not there at all, you can be friends but it probably won't work out.  But I have been attracted to guys in the past who were not really good looking--I think their personality made them more attractive to me.</p>

I have to agree with Musiclover12. It's one thing if you find someone passably attractive, even if not amazingly good looking. It's another thing if you have zero attraction. Also, it is unfair to the guy to date him if you will have no desire for sex with him. You would just be leading this guy on by going out with him.