Dating men with kids

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Dating men with kids
19
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 7:59pm

Will you date a guy who already has kids if you don't?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 1:33pm

Well, I don't think a preference for dating men without children makes a woman egocentric.

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 7:04pm

I completely agree, Stacey!


I really, really don't like it when it is implied that I am not nurturing or I am selfish because I don't have kids.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 11:21am

Yes I made GROSS generalizations... I own that. I have dated non-parent women who have been very caring and giving. In fact, they liked I had children since they did/could not have children of their own.

Please I am sharing MY views and like I said, from your life situation and perspective, your criteria fits you.

I also understand when all someone has is themselves to take care of, e.g. the only expense is for them, then they have more disposable income (gee I remember when I was young, single professional .. but then again I did not spend my money then either). I have some friends who dated non-father guys who were very cheap though.

I can understand your annoyance about guys trying to talk you out of your preference.. regardless it's children or .. your brand of toothpaste. For me, if it's a match then it's a match.. I'm not trying to change/browbeat the other into wanting me or visa versa.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2005
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 11:38am

Mark - it IS great to have your viewpoint around here! I have to admit... a man who DOES have a child and in the case of a guy I know, has sole custody and fought for it - you can't help but think he's an amazing guy! Someone who has already learned how unconditional love and selflessness works is a bit alluring... and the fact that he'd think enough of me to consider allowing me not only around his child but want me to mother that child... that's quite humbling. But... the single part of me that is still "selfish" wants my man to ONLY feel that WITH me! With OUR child... strengthening OUR bond... but the selfishness of all that screams at me!

What can ya do!? I'm actual admire men who don't just move on out of their child's life but realize what a priority it is and step up to the plate and do what they should... not because they feel obligated but because they TRULY feel it in their bones that that child is a gift from God and how amazingly blessed they are to get to care for him/her.

Like I said - *I* never say never! While my opinion right now is I want to experience it all... proposal, walk down the aisle, pregnancy, birth, etc. ALL for the first time with my husband who is experiencing it all for the first time... maybe that thought is overrated!? Maybe the expectation of it being the end all beat all... doesn't have to exist? Maybe the love you feel for someone can overcome that child not being of your blood? Then I think of how that child will be the priority and the relationship will never have had it's "day"... and it makes me sad... so...

please keep posting... it's good for me to read! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2005
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 11:46am
I'd be VERY intruged to know WHO the guy was... cause I have a friend on yahoo and he has a little boy. Wonder if he "found" you! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 4:29pm

Well, for me, it depends on the age of the kids and how many. I have a kid so I can't say completely I'd turn down a man with kids but if his kids are teenagers, then I'd back off. I know that may seem contradictory but I'm just not ready to deal with someone else's teenager; that, to me, is a whole other arena I'm not ready to delve into just yet (my kid is only 3!!). And if he had like 4 kids, I'd pass too. I'm not one for a large family, whether merged or not. Anyway, I know that if I'm dating I shouldn't be all focused on the future but I'd be lying if I said never thought, wait, if we ever get serious, would I want such a large family, would I want to take on a teenager, ect. Anyway, I don't blame anyone for not wanting to date someone with kids b/c you're not just dating the man but also his kids and you need to be prepared for that and that's coming from someone with a kid too.

~Ricky:)

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 7:20pm

He told me his name, but I don't remember it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2005
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 11:13pm
Well I'm only 20 so I doubt I'll find many guys my age with kids but I could be wrong. If there is something there though, I would. You could always get a babysitter for the kids, and what if you did decide against him because of the kids and couldnt find anything better? Maybe I'm exaggerating- I do that, but if there is something there btw u two I say go for it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2005
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 10:01am
okay ... not him... if you want to date a guy with a kid - I know a nice one... but I guess we've established our stance on that! ;) :p

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