"Dating Newness" - Love it or Hate it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2005
"Dating Newness" - Love it or Hate it?
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Sun, 01-22-2006 - 6:37pm

I have always prefered the comfort and familiarity of a long term relationship, though there is something very exciting and thrilling about casual dating and the "beginning of something." You get excited when the guy calls and it's fun to pick out your cute/sexy date outfit and wonder where he'll take you and what you'll talk about. Plus every girl loves that post-date gossip with her single friends. On the flip side, waiting for your phone to ring, mixed messages and the butterflies in your stomach can be very grueling - not to mention constant small talk, the energy it requires to be charming and that natural hesitation to truely be yourself at first!!

I'm about to return the call of a guy whom I had a very nice first date with last week and of course the butterflies are in full effect. (It seems I get more nervous for those first few phone calls than I do for the actual dates!) Just thought I'd ask what people's take is on dating - whether it's stressful or exciting or a little of both.

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 7:38pm

Well, I haven't gotten past that newness stage in quite awhile, so I've kind of forgotten what it's like.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2006
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 8:51pm

I love the "newness" feeling that comes along with dating people. I think thats why I like to date. I like to get to know people. And in the beginning getting dressed up and being a little nervous. I haven't dated anyone for about 2 years since I was engaged, but now I am single and dating again and its fun. I still get nervous when I am with a guy friend that I have known my whole life. He lives far away so whenever I see him its like starting off again. The phone call waiting thing isn't always fun though. I usually like the one in control and the one thats supposed to call. Make them wait a little and have a taste of their own medicine.

Gen

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 10:15am

Definitely stressful! I hate it.

I had a great first date on Friday with a new guy and we really hit it off, we have great chemistry, and that first kiss was yummy.

My problem -- I am way too practical at this stage in my life to get swept away by butterflies. This guy called me to say, basically, "thanks and wow" the next morning. That was so nice to hear, but I always have a little voice of reason in the back of my head telling me not to get too excited too soon.

So, give me the familiarity of an established relationship any day! If the guy calls at *that" stage to say "thanks and wow," then I'll be ecstatic. :)

AJ, enjoying life with C.

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Registered: 07-21-2004
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 10:18am
I absolutely HATE the feeling I get right before a date with a new guy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2005
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 10:50am

Congrats on the great date! He sounds like a very nice guy to have called you so quickly and express his feelings right away.

I completely agree with you about being too practical to get excited and to completely believe that something new and good will be long lasting. It's a real shame because rather than enjoying the present, we're worrying about the future. I wasn't like this in college but once you get older and hit the "marrying age," you can't help but view every date as a potential heartbreak or husband!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 11:09am

>>but once you get older and hit the "marrying age," you can't help but view every date as a potential heartbreak or husband!!<<

I know. It is sad, isn't it? I do enjoy the moment, I just don't let myself get swept away in those first few dates. I've had way too many of those heartbreaks to completely trust men that early on. In my experience, men get all excited at first and *they* get swept away in that newness. It's when reality sets in that they show their true colors -- when they realize that you are, in fact, human and not perfect.

Thanks for the good wishes with the new guy. It is nice to be told by this guy that he's excited by me! Let's just say I'm cautiously optimistic. :)

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 11:50am

I don't know if you remember my story from last week about the non-exciting blind date. But anyway, I told a few people about it and several of them said: "well, at least you can be friends." I don't really want that, though.

I've finally hit the point where I say "I have enough friends". I used to always say I could never have too many friends. Now, it's different. It's not that I don't want to make friends, but I don't feel like I have to. If it's not more than friendship, I honestly can do without it right now. I guess that's a little closed-minded but I'm at the point where it's how I feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 12:01pm

>>If it's not more than friendship, I honestly can do without it right now.<<

I'm feeling that way as well. I have a busy, full life and I have lots of friends. The thing that's missing is the "more than friends." That's really what I'm looking for.

I try to remember that new friends *could* be the people who eventually introduce me to the man of my dreams, so I'm trying to not write off social opportunities completely. But I agree that it gets draining.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 12:04pm
I completely agree - I have enough friends. I do not agree to go on dates with people in order to determine whether I want to be friends with them or not. I go out on dates to determine whether there is any romantic potential. If not, then I don't see the need to try to force a friendship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 12:47pm

Yep, I know what you mean!

Right now I just can't imagine totally hitting it off with someone that is just my friend. Been there. It's great. But it's not what I want. If I'm going to totally hit it off with a man, it's going to be because there's chemistry and similar intentions.

TallGirl- I try to remember the same thing. It's just I won't go on "dates" with these people. If we see each other at social events, that's fine but that's all.

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