"Dating Newness" - Love it or Hate it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2005
"Dating Newness" - Love it or Hate it?
15
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 6:37pm

I have always prefered the comfort and familiarity of a long term relationship, though there is something very exciting and thrilling about casual dating and the "beginning of something." You get excited when the guy calls and it's fun to pick out your cute/sexy date outfit and wonder where he'll take you and what you'll talk about. Plus every girl loves that post-date gossip with her single friends. On the flip side, waiting for your phone to ring, mixed messages and the butterflies in your stomach can be very grueling - not to mention constant small talk, the energy it requires to be charming and that natural hesitation to truely be yourself at first!!

I'm about to return the call of a guy whom I had a very nice first date with last week and of course the butterflies are in full effect. (It seems I get more nervous for those first few phone calls than I do for the actual dates!) Just thought I'd ask what people's take is on dating - whether it's stressful or exciting or a little of both.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 12:54pm

I agree! I feel like a "date" with a guy friend is almost a waste of an evening, sad to say. If it's not a real date, I don't want it to *seem* like a date.

I am up for party invitations and that kind of thing that might lead to a wider social circle, but I definitely am over the friend date thing.

(This doesn't totally apply to guy friends who have been around forever, but those new guys you meet who seem to want to be just friends. I had that happen with a speed dating guy recently... I could never tell if he wanted more, he never tried to kiss me or anything, and I eventually got bored and the whole connection fizzled).

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 7:24pm

I never liked dating. Too much work, too stressful, too many unmet expectations. I got lucky a few times with the men I've been attached.

Friends don't date. They sit, have coffee and wish they were on a date with somebody else. I never dated to have a friend. I went out with friends to make friends.

Rubyshoes

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 5:53pm
I couldn't agree more- kind of hating it right now. But I love the initial anticipation. I just hate this 2nd, 3rd, 4th date stuff. I'm not sure how things should go in this stage and i'm getting a bit sick of the not-official bf/gf stuff and still "just kind of seeing somebody."
I wish I could enjoy it more- maybe enjoy the idea that if nothing is exclusive than i can see other people and just date and such. But I miss the comforts of committed relationships and feeling that level of comfort.
I have a 4th date with a guy on Friday. We get along and I really like him, but still have this fear that he won't call and things will fall a part. I wish I could feel more confident or else just stop caring and enjoy this casual thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 10:47pm
Dating a new guy is always both a little nerve wrecking and exciting. Depending on the man, a little more than the other. But honestly, I have not had those kind of butterflies in a long, long time. And usually, those butterflies existed only when I had a crush, nothing more. So I guess I wold say that, although I enjoy meeting new people, I actually prefer the intimacy and great feelings of some body I have developed feelings for and know well. I like just being comfortable and at ease with a guy I really love.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2005
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 8:43am
You're right that the butterfly feeling varies with each man. If you're not into a particular guy, you don't feel the nervousness or excitement before a date with him. But even with those guys who really spark your interest, some are better at making you feel comfortable from day one.....and some keep things mysterious and at a distance. Ideally, in the beginning I like it when a guy takes things slowly (so to keep the excitement going) but sets weekly dates and calls regularly (so to keep my nervousness in check). Regardless of whether you hate or love dating, it certainly is an experience. For better or for worse, my friends who married their first boyfriend missed out on a HUGE part of life!

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