Dating Pressures - BLAH!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2005
Dating Pressures - BLAH!
11
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 8:55pm

After reading the article on dating in your 20's that someone posted, i feel too that i've always been not in a rush to be in a relationship (i'm in my mid-20's) - until the past 4-5 months since my ex-bf dumped me. newsweek magazine even published an article recently about women are more actively dating later in life - in their 30's. as a matter of fact, i started dating when i was 20yo. i dated a guy for about 8-10 months, went on a date or two with 2 guys after that, and just this past january been dumped by ex-bf of 2 months due to his strong religious beliefs. So in approximately a 5-6 year span, you can say that in a 6-year period, i've dated or been with a guy for approx 17% of my time (i'm such a nerd for calculating that!). is that even normal - to only date that much?!

i ask because since i've been in the workforce, the employees from 2 companies i've worked for ALWAYS questioned why am i not dating? these are usually coming from people who are in their late 40's to early 50's. i tell people that i'm just concentrating on my career and education. then people get all analytical saying when you finish your masters in the next month or so - are you gonna start looking? or say, your career and education isn't everything in life. this is true, but for now i feel i have other things i want to do. also, they say there are always guys flocking to my office space so why not go out with them? they tell me "you're attractive, educated, funny, smart...so what's wrong with you?!"

as a matter of fact, recently, my own co-worker who is the same age as me, bluntly said to me "i don't think i ever see you getting married - you're too independent." i was a bit taken back by this. i mean she was lucky enough to start dating a guy since high school and be together for 10+ years before marrying him...but not everyone goes through the same route.

also, my younger bro (mid-20s too), asked me, "aren't you worried about finding someone to marry?" and even HIS gf questioned me...my friends are either married or dating someone long-term - i'm literally the ONLY one that is single...so i'm always the 3rd wheel with either my brothers and their SOs or my friends' SOs. when i DO go out with my friends, they want to bring their SO because they are attached at the hips. so having people from all aspects of life say this type of stuff to me or indirectly make me feel this way is beginning to make me wonder if i ever will find someone.

before i never cared, but since my last ex-bf this past january, who wanted to be married since yesterday and strong christian beliefs, i've felt really unfocused. i think since the relationship ended, he makes me feel like marriage life will make your life better than a single's life. before it was - "i will date someone that falls into my life path" and now it's like i should be searching for someone by changing my routine???...but knowing me, i know that if i were meant to meet someone, then it will happen in time.

so now, i've even considered changing jobs because the environment i work in is primarily people who are like twice my age...so finding someone is difficult (i don't mind dating people in the workplace) and the industry i'm in isn't really who i am. i've even in the past started taking addtl classes at local universities for fun to "meet" people - it doesn't work out, especially now that i'm getting older and the classmates are in their late teens/early 20s.

at least i know there's others out there who are not in a rush or is just waiting for the right one, but for now it seems like the dateless continue posting on to boards like this to vent.

AGGGHHHH!!! BLAHHHH!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 5:21pm
tell people to mind their own business..as for me,i tell people the truth...I don`t want marriage or kids so no sense in dating much if at all and just have some flings..they look at me like I am crazy..why?or I tell them every guy I dated was nice for some time....then turned into a nasty person and I am getting sick of being such a heartbreaking B***Hby dumping such men....people stop asking questions..seriously people should mind their damn business

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