Dating site

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Dating site
18
Sat, 12-08-2012 - 9:54am

Hello All;

Well I am going to have to re-evaluate my life and being single because lets face it the truth of the matter is finding someone at this stage of life seems pretty challenging. Dont know if I should move or just face the facts its a done deal for me and find something else to do.. or just give up and know it is not going to happen ...

Anyway; In saying that I have been talking to a guy on one of the free dating sites and he is interested in me but he keeps saying he only wants to see someone once a week due to his demanding schedule.. I said I am too old for fwb or a fling.. So does that mean once a week of sex or going out?? I keep trying to deciper what he is saying and being brutally honest but he keeps fudging his answers.. So do we meet once a week and fall into bed and hope for the best??

So does this mean that is all I should look forward to at this stage of life??Seems most men are going for much younger women for long term and that dating is not even on their minds nor moving in with someone.. or making any kind of commitments. Not that I want love or anything but I dont want a fling or something stupid .. I just know that I would like something pertaining to some sort of relationship and all I get are facebook friends, platonic friends and men who want casual thing or just a fling.. So I am thinking now is this what is left in old age and to be happy with it or become gay or move to Alaska or Florida or take bus trips with senior citizens or become one of the Golden Girls???? what to do ?? what to do???

 

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012
Sat, 12-08-2012 - 5:39pm

I am torn.  A really big part of me says to go for it.  So what if it's only one date?  Maybe it might be TWO dates. I know you are looking for something more and he doesn't seem terribly promising.  However, is it worth it to just GO?  Have a great time, a good meal or some interesting conversation?  Do something you haven't done in awhile?

And the other side realizes how futile it seems.  Why waste your time?  But if we don't at least try, then what are we doing?  I am trying to be as positive as possible because I, myself, am having absolutely NO LUCK in even attracting a man.  Not one.

So my thoughts are more along the lines of "If *I* got asked out, and didn't get creeper vibes...I would go just to do something different and break the trend!"

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sat, 12-08-2012 - 3:19pm

This guy you're corresponding with just sounds like he's playing around, and may not even be serious about meeting anyone. I agree about the free sites--in my neck of the woods, POF is horrible. It's totally up to you if you want to meet, although I suspect he will come up with many reason why he can't. But if once a week isn't what you want, and he's starting out by saying this, then I say move on. Who needs this?

It is true that finding someone at our age (I am your age) is challenging. But I say it's not impossible. It is very hard to balance hope for the future with the dismal "reality" of not meeting anyone suitable. I don't have a magic formula for how to balance these two--I struggle with it myself. But I think it helps to really enjoy the other things in your life as much as possible. This is what helps me the most. But sometimes it does get overwhelming and discouraging, and on those days, it's OK to feel a little sorry for yourself--it's also OK to just take a break from "looking" or trying to figure out why you haven't met anyone.

I know a woman who is two years younger than me who got married for the first time this year. I also know a woman my age who didn't date for 25 years after her divorce--and she's now madly in love with a friend whose wife died about a year and a half ago (and he's in love with her).

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sat, 12-08-2012 - 1:45pm

  Why not look at it from a different point of view?  If he can only date one night a week that gives you 6 other "free" days.  Go and have fun.  Fun needs to be put front and center.  People are much more attractive when they are having fun!  Wheather he wants a "commitment" or not is never the true issue.  It is enjoying the life we have.  Sitting home and complaining that there are no men is not productive. 

  The negative approach with I do not want...............is echoed in a person's demeanor.  It drives away the people one would want to know.  Worse it sets up in the mind and emotions behavior that is counter productive.   Positive plays much better.  

    This is a HUMAN condition.  All humans go through this Gay,straight,whatever it is played out through out human kind.  Men as well as women feel the same things. 

   One rule take everything at face value.  No one can mind read.  We all have similar but different outlook.  Go enjoy the experience. 

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Sat, 12-08-2012 - 1:43pm

Instead of trying to figure out what Mr. Once a Week is actually saying, why don't you just stop talking to him?  Who cares why he won't (it's not an issue of can't regardless of what his *reason* is) or if he wants an actual relationship or an fwb.  YOU don't want someone who is only willing to see you once a week.  YOU want an actual committed relationship.  YOU can't change this guy.  YOU shouldn't settle for less than what you want.  Continuing to talk to this guy is just a waste of time.

As for your plan b, only you can decide what option will make you happy if settling down with a man doesn't happen.  I was a huge fan of the Golden Girls and they had a ton of fun so that would not be a bad option in my opinion.  Maybe what you need is a break from dating for awhile.  It sounds like you're not liking what you're finding on dating sites and that happens.  I can't say that's the best way to meet someone, but it is one way.  There's nothing wrong with taking time out to focus on other aspects of your life, create your plan b, and then decide if you want to try dating again.

Follow me to Coping with Job Loss

Follow me to Birth Control

--------
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sat, 12-08-2012 - 12:42pm

Hi

well I am not dating at the moment.. I havent had a date in about a year so how can I stop dating if I dont have any dates.??

 

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 12-08-2012 - 11:29am
I have a girlfriend who is very relationship minded. She's been separated for two years and divorced for one. It seems like every time I talk to her, she's dating someone new but it only lasts for a couple of dates or a couple of months, then it's over. I feel so bad for her. I honestly don't know how she keeps putting herself out there like that . . . it has to be hard. She just turned thirty three, is in great shape, is very attractive and has a good personality. I would think that she'd be a great catch. In every instance, it's ended because she wanted to take things to the next level, and they were content with having a casual dating relationship. Why don't you get this guy face to face and ask him what he's looking for so you can get a straight answer from him? Of course, doing this on the first meet might not be such a great idea . . . but then again, if he's already telling you he only wants to see you once a week, he's already kind of jumped the gun, himself. He doesn't even know you well enough to say that . . . you know? He could potentially be knocked off his feet and want to see you every day!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 12-08-2012 - 11:28am

Did he explain sufficiently why he is too busy?  Does it sound logical?  For me, I probably would be too busy to see a guy more than 1-2x a week--maybe once on the weekend and once during the week.  I mean I have a full time job, a kid still at home (even though he's older I would want to spend some time with him), I don't want to give up my dance lessons or give up all time w/ my friends.  It depends on what you want.  I think at this point having a guy around to do things with when I'd like to have a date is probably better than never having any dates at all (which is the situation now) as long as he was honest and I felt like he wasn't just playing me (i.e., telling a bunch of women that he could only see each one once a week).  I'd say meet him and just see 1) if you even like him, cause if you don't, that makes everything moot, and 2) what kind of vibe you get from him as far as honesty.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 12-08-2012 - 10:22am
My best friend and I always joke that someday we're going to move to Florida with our mothers like the Golden Girls. Her mom died of cancer in April, so that plan is kind of sad now. We're both 35, though, and we still both feel hopeless sometimes. She seems to hop from guy to guy, and none of them end up wanting what she wants. I just find the ones who only want sex. I think that your luck with the flakes online has to do with using free sites. I'm sure there are some guys who want a commitment, but most of them probably don't want to put effort in. All we can really do is have faith that there is someone out there who wants what we want and we will find him.

Pages