Dating site

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Dating site
18
Sat, 12-08-2012 - 9:54am

Hello All;

Well I am going to have to re-evaluate my life and being single because lets face it the truth of the matter is finding someone at this stage of life seems pretty challenging. Dont know if I should move or just face the facts its a done deal for me and find something else to do.. or just give up and know it is not going to happen ...

Anyway; In saying that I have been talking to a guy on one of the free dating sites and he is interested in me but he keeps saying he only wants to see someone once a week due to his demanding schedule.. I said I am too old for fwb or a fling.. So does that mean once a week of sex or going out?? I keep trying to deciper what he is saying and being brutally honest but he keeps fudging his answers.. So do we meet once a week and fall into bed and hope for the best??

So does this mean that is all I should look forward to at this stage of life??Seems most men are going for much younger women for long term and that dating is not even on their minds nor moving in with someone.. or making any kind of commitments. Not that I want love or anything but I dont want a fling or something stupid .. I just know that I would like something pertaining to some sort of relationship and all I get are facebook friends, platonic friends and men who want casual thing or just a fling.. So I am thinking now is this what is left in old age and to be happy with it or become gay or move to Alaska or Florida or take bus trips with senior citizens or become one of the Golden Girls???? what to do ?? what to do???

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2009
Tue, 12-11-2012 - 12:50am

That guy sounds like he is giving you some chances you deserve. Wheather he can be player or keeper. So why not take a few dates and enjoy something you haven't been able to afford, Once in a while in your life. If I were you, I would at least take it with no expects. One date is better than never! Good Luck.

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Sun, 12-09-2012 - 5:42pm

I'd say to go on and date him as a once a week distraction from whatever you were going to do, but not to let it develop into anything more than a once a week distraction until HE comes up off of more time of his own volition. Meaning: no suggesting to him that you two should see each other more. It'll only stick if he's of that mind. 

Meanwhile, keep "developing your poison toad antidote" from all the frogs you're dating--one of them will eventually turn out to be the prince; if not, hey, they say frog legs taste like chicken.  ;D

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
In reply to: gleannfia
Sun, 12-09-2012 - 4:25pm

Thanks, Spartan.  JT did make some good points.  However, we HAVE all BTDT, and so many of us have forced ourselves to go out on first meets that ended up being a waste of time.  I met the two older men even though I knew they would probably be "too old".  I was right. At least one of them was very interested in me. I had to find a way to put him off kindly, and I am tired of doing that. I think the bottom line is that OLD is far inferior to meeting organically, and most of us that are older wish that there were better options.  I liken it to the lottery.  You have to be in it to win it, but the odds are looooooong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
In reply to: gleannfia
Sun, 12-09-2012 - 4:25pm

Thanks, Spartan.  JT did make some good points.  However, we HAVE all BTDT, and so many of us have forced ourselves to go out on first meets that ended up being a waste of time.  I met the two older men even though I knew they would probably be "too old".  I was right. At least one of them was very interested in me. I had to find a way to put him off kindly, and I am tired of doing that. I think the bottom line is that OLD is far inferior to meeting organically, and most of us that are older wish that there were better options.  I liken it to the lottery.  You have to be in it to win it, but the odds are looooooong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 12-09-2012 - 12:39pm

Geeezzzzzzzzzzzzz.... thanks everyone for the comments but I am not taking this too seriously.. I th ink I wrote that because deep down it was the only thing I had to say and I would like the boards to continue as this I believe is one of the better boards..

Anyway;; I guess that is why Marina wrote those wild stories because lets face it we are all boring on here and have a host of dysfunctional stuff going on me included so at times I tend to be a bit over dramatic myself... sorry if I sound like that because I am a bit of a drama queen.. I actually could care less what the guy is or what he thinks.. Its a stupid dating site and I dont take it personally.. It was just fun to see what he would say and see what you guys thought?? I am FINE with a capitol F.................. I go out and see friends and I do things and I have a life so that is not the problem .........................The issue is that people are so brazen in that they would ask someone they dont know what they are looking for and I guess that still boggles me mind.. I would think it was the sign of the times.. Hey; I like your photo so lets hook up once a week and see where it goes.. All sounds like third grade to me...

I am really seriously miraculously hoping and praying that I meet someone in real life but yes BTDT for a few years now.. Been out there and no one has come along so yes I do get discouraged..... but I still hang on for some hope..

thank you everyone.................................................good comments

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007
Sun, 12-09-2012 - 11:26am

Jt308, that is a little bit much... you have some good advice, but leaning too far into the negative... most people on the board have been doing the dating thing for a little while.. and have seen, done it all... so they probably have looked at whatever they post from all kinds angles... the board serves as an outlet, as well a place for other people going thru similar things to share ideas, confirm things they were already thinking, give advice, ... even 'tough love ' but i'd say don't over do it..

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Sun, 12-09-2012 - 10:17am
Oh, good God, just go out with him. It's a date! One date! Meeting someone in person helps the both of you know a little bit more about each other. You're a grownup, so if you want to go out with him more times, you do not have to sleep with him until you are ready or if you ever become ready. If it turns out what you want and what he wants are different things, then it ends. If you connect, then things have a tendency to change from what people say at first.
 
It amazes me to see long weepy posts or very bitter ones from many on this board about no opportunities to date or meet someone, and then you talk yourselves out of a potential date before it even happens. To keep asking him about the one day a week thing before even meeting, would make you sound suffocating. Maybe it's just a different outlook on my part, but going out and meeting people sounds a heck of a lot better than sitting home alone most of the time reading relationship books or whatever.
 
When first starting to date, do healthy people see each other every day, or do those turn out to be the needy ones? Usually the good relationships start slow as you get to know each other. You go on a date with this guy, maybe he's a lot of fun. You don't have to be exclusive, you don't have to sleep with him, you can see other people if the opportunity happens. Try to stop acting on things as if it's the end of the world or deep analysis before it even has a chance to occur.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007
Sat, 12-08-2012 - 8:44pm

Free, I say if you are not getting the bad vibes, and he seems to be interesting company, go for it. Just be sure you understand you are just having fun for one night and don't do anything you will look back with regret. Like a couple of people said, it might be good to do something different, maybe enjoy a good evening. It is hard to meet good matches the older we get,both men & women, probably because as people get older they become more set in their ways and less likely to make big changes for a new relationship. but as you are waiting for that match, there is nothing wrong with going out every so often and having a good evening with an interested man. Just make sure it is on your terms. If you don't want an FWB situation, then just go out for dinner. You just make sure you get out of the night something for you.

The only date i had in about a year was the same. I ended having dinner with someone from work i can't date due to office romance rules. It was supposed to be a group dinner and everyone bailed. I knew she liked me, and i do think her attractive too, but rules are rules. But for that one evening, it was like we were dating, I picked her up, we shared dinner, talked for hours till the restuarant closed, talked into the late into the night, but when we got to our hotel, even though every part of me wanted to ask back to my room, or at least get a goodnight kiss and i think she would have said yes, i held back. because that would be crossing the line  that i would have regretted later. And since we went back to the professional but for that one night, it felt good and i remember that night with warm memories and in a way, it gave me a little bit of confidence, that whenever i finally get back into a dating situation, i still "got it."

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
In reply to: gleannfia
Sat, 12-08-2012 - 8:32pm

I am with Floridagirl.  I am only slightly younger than both of you but I have come to terms with the possibility that I may never meet anyone I am in love with who is available.  However, the fact that I am looking for certain qualities in a man and am not willing to date a man who looks like he could be my father or has other dealbreakers also limits my "market", and I am totally cognizant of that.

In my job, I meet a lot of older men who are not all that, but think that they are a real catch. And for some women, they are. And what is really disheartening is that more and more I am seeing that the only attention I get is from the 60+ set.  Which would be great....if I were 60+.

So, like Florida, I concentrate on the areas of my life that make me happy.  In the end, is that not the only control we really have?

However, like Florida, I have also heard the occasional inspiring story.  I know a woman who married for the first time at age 62, to her high school sweetheart.  My own mother got together with her high school sweetheart at age 69 after my father died.  Unfortunately, he also died, but they had a great 4 years together.  My mother was like a giddy schoolgirl.  There is always hope, but I think that we all have to live our lives as fully as possible whether romance happens or not.  And of course, I have no answer for the women who hope to have children.  That's a tough one.  It is definitely unfair that men have more time than we do to have children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
In reply to: gleannfia
Sat, 12-08-2012 - 8:32pm

I am with Floridagirl.  I am only slightly younger than both of you but I have come to terms with the possibility that I may never meet anyone I am in love with who is available.  However, the fact that I am looking for certain qualities in a man and am not willing to date a man who looks like he could be my father or has other dealbreakers also limits my "market", and I am totally cognizant of that.

In my job, I meet a lot of older men who are not all that, but think that they are a real catch. And for some women, they are. And what is really disheartening is that more and more I am seeing that the only attention I get is from the 60+ set.  Which would be great....if I were 60+.

So, like Florida, I concentrate on the areas of my life that make me happy.  In the end, is that not the only control we really have?

However, like Florida, I have also heard the occasional inspiring story.  I know a woman who married for the first time at age 62, to her high school sweetheart.  My own mother got together with her high school sweetheart at age 69 after my father died.  Unfortunately, he also died, but they had a great 4 years together.  My mother was like a giddy schoolgirl.  There is always hope, but I think that we all have to live our lives as fully as possible whether romance happens or not.  And of course, I have no answer for the women who hope to have children.  That's a tough one.  It is definitely unfair that men have more time than we do to have children.

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