Dating a Smoker

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Dating a Smoker
12
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 5:21pm

At age 17, I had to watch my grandfather die a horrible death from lung cancer/emphysema, and in addition, I also have asthma, so being around smokers is a BIG NO-NO in my book. I even refused to marry my ex-husband until he quit smoking.

Well, I met a great guy 2 weeks ago, and we're getting along great...but he smokes like a freight train. As in, about a cigarette every hour when he's with me. IT KILLS ME. I start to get all congested and feeling nasty, and that's with him going outside and smoking, but just bringing it back in on his clothes and body.

He came to visit me today right after he got off work, and he'd only smoked a few all day long, and I could barely smell it, and it was so nice to hug/kiss him without gagging.

I've told him how I feel about smoking, but he's such a heavy smoker that it's really not much of an option for him to quit for someone he just met...but I don't know if i can continue to see him with this cloud hanging over our heads!

I'm starting to debate whether this should be a dealbreaker, because he's great otherwise...

Your thoughts?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
In reply to: cj311
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 5:08am
i sort of think you'll find out if it's a dealbreaker or not. it seems you like a lot of other things about him, and this will just factor into the whole picture. if the smoking thing gets more and more horrifying to you, there will be a point where you can't stand it, and things will maybe end. or, you may start feeling closer to him, and you'll talk more about the smoking thing, and then look into compromises.
anyhow, i think you might have regrets if you walked away right now just on account of the smoking, but it is indeed something to think about and reevaluate as time goes on.
nobody's perfect...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
In reply to: cj311
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 6:53am

Well..I have been smoking since I was 18, I am now 36 and smoke about 10-15 a day depending on whether I'm socialising = drinking lol, or not. You think that is heavy? My boss smokes about 3 packs a day every single day of his life, and has done for 40+ years, still doing ok health-wise, bless him and touch wood! I can't really comment on not dating a smoker being a heavy-ish one myself.. but I can say with absolute certainty that I wouldn't even consider dating a non smoker who would put even the slightest pressure on me to stop. I cannot stop - because I am not ready to, don't want to... I know all the dangers, I know I know I know but I can't do it, at all. My bf doesn't smoke apart from an occasional drunken puff or two, and to me that's the one thing that is not perfect about him lol. But, he never ever in any way tries to get me to stop or make my life difficult because of my smoking and is the most tolerant of all non-smokers. It is a part of me; if my partner were to try and get me to stop he would be effectively changing what I am - and that is my rule N1 in a r-ship: do not even attempt to change me in any way, and I will not in any way attempt to change you. Say, you love McDonalds or Kentucky Fried Chicken or Burger King or (*insert name of a fast food chain) and your partner says to you: now that you are with me, I forbid you to ever go to one of those as I know they are very unhealthy in the long run etc etc.. wouldn't you be ever so slighly mad at them?? And yes, I totally agree with Stacey that a gorgeous man smoking a cigarette (referred to as 'fag' here in UK lol!) is a very sexy sight indeed! I keep saying to my bf: God man I wish you were a smoker, it would suit you sooo much lol. Yes yes yes I know, lung cancer, death, emphysema, heart attacks... I know - it's my body. I choose what I do with it!

Oh and smoking inside closed spaces is being banned in London and the rest of the UK (I am in London) from the 1st of July and I am still in denial and can't truly come to terms with it lol!

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