Dating in your 30's, disadvantages.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Dating in your 30's, disadvantages.
22
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 1:48pm

As this is a part of life's experience I skipped over completely . . .I am making an interesting observation or two. It might be easier for me being single at 46 than for you 30 something's. How bizarre is that?

In the 30's . . .like I was . . so many are married or otherwise attached.
The men who are left over, stuck in twenties? Stuck in neutral? Just not grown up yet. Successful men can still play the field, still "time" to settle down later.
You are at a "middle" age, target for 20 something's, 30 something's and 40 something's . . .and beyond . . (-: Exasperating nights out?
Men or women are not "quite" at that point that the dance is over and frank is in . . . your not talking to each other.
Mothers have "young" kids if devoiced, and men as well . . . noticed a few comments about how "undesirable" that was in a man, right there with old.
I am seeing it is not such an easy age to be single. I used to think I missed something important . . now I see it would have been no party or day at the beach.

Just to add context . .. those people married in their 30's are now the late 40's, and are now devoiced, have "grown" kids, have been in long relationships and the brutal devoice . .and talk with the frankness born of the life. Another twenty year mistake unthinkable. Not so many guessing games, for we understand it is in fact no game. (-: Woman are strong and at a peak in life, men are mostly grown up by now. I am starting to see my lot in life is not awful. (-:

Just thought among you this might be interesting to expand on. Always looks different looking from the outside in.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 4:52pm

In addition to a lot of the 30-somethings already being married/taken, I think another factor is that women have this stupid biological clock thing. :) For those of us who want children, there is a bit more pressure to hurry things up -- not that I would ever choose to marry someone just to have kids.

Plus, I just read an article that said most women are still very fertile into their late 30s (not as fertile as 22, but still going strong). That article actually made me relax a lot in my dating life - I feel like I have time. I truly want to take the time to meet the right match for me and I would only consider having kids with the right match - and when we're both ready.

If I don't meet someone while I can still have kids, I have time to come to grips with being childless or start seriously considering adoption. I'll have put that in a better place by the time I hit my late 30s.

If I am still dating in my 40s (I hope not, but you never know), I think it might be a bit more fun and relaxed because that pressure would be off.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 5:04pm

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 5:05pm

Sorry--I just got such a kick out of that thought (about dating in your 40s being more "fun"), I couldn't help myself, LOL!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 5:13pm
{{GRIN}} :) I wondered if you might reply to that. One can dream, right?

AJ, enjoying life with C.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 5:42pm

To be honest, I've had trouble dating since I left college.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 5:58pm

{{GRIN}} :) I wondered if you might reply to that. One can dream, right
***********************************************

Well, consider the kind of posts I have written . . but I have not gone over a month or two without dating since 04 . .. sounds like selection is as good or better than the 30's group. (-: I am no supper stud. Conversation is very direct most of the time, which I like and enjoy. And a surprise that awaits you . . every woman I have shared time with tells me sex is better than ever for them . .. and I think they have made a true believer out of me. They are enjoying it, selfishly so . . .lol . . .and it is great. (-: It is like the woman have decided it is their turn in life in general . . .not so bad a thing.

They are living life. Some still are in fear of being hurt, but we all have been hurt, recovered, several times . . .so we risk more I think.

You will also discover its not that old. (-: Plenty of energy left, a lot more maturity, and that applies in a variety of ways from great conversation to no nonsense no drama "hook ups" . . . to serious runs at relationships.

Anyway . . not necessarily saying better in the 40's . . . however I am not convinced it is worse. (-: It just seems you guys suffer every issue I do . .plus a few I left behind a while ago. (-: I cant speak for women in there 40's, my guess the trick is kind of the same, sober and employed men. Sober at 40 likely has more meaning . . .a 40 year old drunk is not a pretty thing, and often dangerous by then.

Anyway . .. just caught myself realizing I was not in such a terrible place. Not trying to tell anyone to hold out for it. LOL And I think becoming a little more understanding of what you all face. Not such a bad thing, understanding.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 6:43pm

I just had to grin at northwestwanderer's comment because we have heard a lot of her dating stories (she's in her 40s), and I know it can be just as rough on her as it is on "us." (speaking for the 30-somethings who have experienced dating woes).

I'm not saying there aren't things that aren't better. I think there are things that are better about dating in my 30s than in my 20s. I just think dating is hard, period. Doesn't matter what age you are. Finding quality people can be challenging - not impossible, but challenging - at any stage.

Glad to hear the sex just gets better, though. That doesn't surprise me a bit - my grandparents were still enjoying their sex life well into their 80s. :)

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 7:10pm
I was following another string . . the sample table. They eye contact, looking away. (-: I still have plenty to learn from you 30 something’s. I am sure I will be bold in the future when I was previously unsure. The truth is I find the group on this board very interesting and fun, and pretty smart to boot. I think I agree . . dating has it’s good moments, but is draining at times at any age. I think we all think that old “clock” is ticking . . but when we get there it aint so bad. It just simply struck me how much I relate to things said on the board. A bit more in common than not . . that did surprise me a bit. The conversation is great, and frankly I am learning a lot about woman. (((-: Other than a few more battle scars, I figure 30 and 40 aren’t so far apart in that regard.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 7:29pm

Having dating in both my (late) 30s and now into my (late) 40s, I think it's definitely worse at this age, at least for women. Most of the single guys my friends and I meet in my general age range are divorced and SO gunshy about getting into ANYTHING remotely resembling a commitment, it's ridiculous. Even agreeing to plans for Sat night on a Sat afternoon seems to be too much for many of them. I'm serious--the flake factor is HUGE.

At least when I was in my late 30s, I was meeting guys who hadn't yet been married and who were still open to the possibilities (at least theoretically).

Coupled with the fact that far fewer men than women seek counseling for their issues, it makes for some tough going.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 8:09pm

Devoiced for sure . . I am however surprised how gun shy they are. I don’t know a man my age that wants to stay single. Careful, sure . . of coarse. (-: Divorce is hard, expensive and life altering to say the least for all involved. Smart people respect big price tags like that. It nonetheless is still hard for me to see someone my age WANTING to remain single . . . or at least unattached. My last “love”. . . we went a little fast in the beginning . . but dated a solid year before trying the 24 / 7 thing. Just taking our time, and decided to see how it felt full time. She has never been married, and her longest relationship has been 4 years . . .?? I don’t know how much was her running from commitment. (-:

Anyway . . getting distracted . . my 6th day without a cigarette . . drifty. (-: If it offers you any hope at all, I very much hope to find a good solid relationship for the long run. I like coming home to someone, and waking up next to them. Life is much fuller with the right person. Like every conversation, it seems to come down to the same thing . . sifting through until we bump into the right one. (-: No short cuts I suppose. Maybe we all need to try TG’s trick and hang out at the sample tables in Cosco or something. ((-:

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