Dealing with female friends and jealousy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
Dealing with female friends and jealousy
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 6:55pm

I moved to this town, my home town, 6 months ago and have been single now for 2 months. I've been working hard on being social and being out alot to make friends. An old highschool friend, actually a cousin of mine who has kind of always been an iffy-friend (we have baggage i guess, she's been a bit mean to me in the past), has come back into my life. We hung out a few times and I thought we were finally really working past the old stuff and getting a good friendship.
She called me last weekend and invited me out- so I went out and had a blast! I spent a lot of the night with this guy Tom, that i met through her, and another friend of hers- just a big group of us dancing and mingling.

Anyway, a very close friend of mine and also my coworker, Lena, lives with this girl (Janina) and has had problems living with her. Janina has been weird to Lena and Lena can't understand what's up with her. I've consoled Lena and told her Janina can just be weird in social situations sometimes and that she's also been smoking a lot (i mean, A LOT) of pot in the past few years, so she can be a bit, off, a lot of the time. I've also told her that in the past Janina has been known to cut off friendships and be a bit possessive, so not to take things personally. Just friend-talk- consoling and venting.

Anyway, I do like Janina and have a riot when we do stuff together. But Lena told me this morning that Janina came home and "talked at her" for an hour. She wouldn't get into specifics but said "I hate to tell you this, but she is no friend of yours." From what I gathered, i guess Janina feels i'm judgemental or something. That's all I can think she may think of me. I also wondered if this is all coming from me spending Saturday night with Tom- not "spending" the night, but just that he bought me a drink and we talked a lot. So I'm thinking this is coming from jealousy- but gar, I thought these "high school" days were over.

Is it because I'm single again? Do women actually act this way- get jealous and say vicious things behind eachother's backs, as a way to get rid of competition? I think she's a bit mentally unstable- Lena was saying she kept repeating stuff and being very, strange. Or maybe she was just high. Anyway, whatever her reasons for saying cruel things to Lena about me, I'm just hurt and tired of women that act this way. I'm sure I'll feel less hurt after a good cry tonight and realizing that it is jealousy speaking. But I still feel really crappy knowing there's someone out there that doesn't like me and that I've been gossiped about. I keep thinking things like "maybe she was laughing at me or thought i was a loser and doesn't want me hanging around her."-which is silly, but those are just my fears I guess.

ANyway, I miss having my bf in my life at times like this. I miss having a partner in my life- someone to take my side and know exactly what to say.