Decision to be Permanently Single?
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| Fri, 06-15-2007 - 1:53pm |
Hi, I was just wondering if anyone else is going through what I am.
Im 29 and a few years ago I met the love of my life; I knew in my gut right away that he was "it" for me; he said the same. We were together for 2 years and not once did those feelings go away. Fast forward to about 8 months ago; he dumped me somewhat out of the blue, broke my heart, and we have not really spoken since(I attempted a few nice civil messages which he ignored so I just stopped). I have done everything a girl could do to get over him, but the feelings never go away or lessen.
Recently, a close girlfriend of mine who had broken up with the love of her life FIVE YEARS AGO confessed to me that she too, despite trying so hard to move on, has never gotten over her ex.
Hearing her tell me this really struck a nerve, because it makes me realize that I might never get over my ex either. So, Im toying with the idea of just giving up on the whole relationships/love stuff and deciding to be single for good. Not saying I'm going to be celibate or dateless, but just more acknowledging that "the one" has come and gone, and so might as well face that reality.
Has anyone else decided to do this/gone through this? Any advice?

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'..The type I want would be mature, responsible, intelligent, articulate, witty, well read, have more than a passing interest in world affairs, comfortable in her own skin with a strong sense of self worth that does not need validation from others -- plus she should be from a stable family background with strong ties to both her parents both of whom she should dearly love,have solid family values, no history of slutiness (it matters), Church attending would be a plus but not essential, physically fit and be of normally cheerful and good humor. Just your typical wifely woman. Not a lot to ask for really'.
Ehm..nope, not at all too much to ask for, not at all. Ehm.. good luck in your search. I have a feeling you are going to need it.
Wait.. was this description meant as a joke?? Please tell me it was.
Have you pulled anything from your own personal history to try and enlighten anyone on this board? If you have, I've not seen the evidence. Forgive me; I haven't done any searches on "fruitedplain". Please don't take advice that I have given to someone else and try to flip it around on me as if I asked for it. First of all, you don't know me. You may think you do because of one or two personal situations that I have felt comfortable enough to share with others on this board, but you don't.
"Instead, they choose to go with whatever comes their way for the least amount of effort and accept it as their fate. If you really wanted it, and I mean really really wanted it, you could get up tomorrow morning, step out of bed and just tell yourself , 'enough with it ! Goddammit, I know there are men out there I could connect with, be happy with and have a family with.. and by golly I am going to go find one! It may not be easy, but I will still go find him.' If that was your attitude sooner or later you would have gotten what you wanted."
--I could very easily defend myself here but just as I refused to give you reasons why I thought I was a good catch days, weeks, months, however long ago it was I'm going to resist the temptation once again. I don't have anything to prove, especially, to you. I will add, however, that if you have been reading my posts which, it actually seems you have although, not sure if the information is being processed properly, you would know exactly how I would respond to this, this, "piece of encouragement".
It's interesting to me that the one person who has given the least amount of personal information has the most to say on certain topics.
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Saying that people are where they are in their personal lives because they "choose" to be in that place is a really black and white statement. People can certainly choose how they behave or act, I agree on that, but no one can choose their feelings or the things they think about, or what crosses their mind. If they did try to control their thoughts that would be denial and avoidance = very unhealthy.
Thanks everyone for your input on this thread. Its really nice to have support and kind words of encouragement!
>>Saying that people are where they are in their personal lives because they "choose" to be in that place is a really black and white statement. People can certainly choose how they behave or act, I agree on that, but no one can choose their feelings or the things they think about, or what crosses their mind. <<
When it comes to decision making, seeing in black & white can simplify the problem. The more shades of gray you see, the more likely you will end up going round and round in circles achieving nothing.
You will either quit smoking tomorrow, or you won't. You will either get on a diet and stick with it till the end, or you won't. You will either completely cut ties with your ex and stop thinking about him/her,or you won't. Discipline is the key. Take a middle ("nuanced") position and it takes you nowhere.
And yes, it IS possible to control your thoughts. Takes a little bit of discipline at first but once it becomes a habit , it's easy. Next time before you go to sleep tell yourself, ' I am not going to think about anything once I close my eyes. I am just going to lay in bed, close my eyes and think of nothing.' Sounds impossible ? The first few times, maybe. Once it becomes a habit, you will close your eyes and fall right off to sleep -- AND sleep better.
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