Decisions Decisions.........

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Decisions Decisions.........
10
Mon, 04-01-2013 - 6:32pm

Hi All,

I hope you are keeping well and that the weather is treating you better than here.  :)  Brrrr.......it's cold!!!

I know my posts tend to be quite long, so I'll try to make this one partly in bullet points.  I coaxed myself out to go to a singles dance on Saturday night.  Although it hasn't been very much of a success in meeting people, I try to go every now and then to get out, dance and chat with some new people.  When I walked in on Saturday night, I was standing by the bar and immediately a guy approached me.  My initial impression of him was not good - based on the following:

1) He started the conversation by saying how expensive the booze was and how he could get a case of beer for the price of just a couple (the drinks are expensive......but that's part of the whole gig......it's a nice venue and they don't want "drunk" people).  He also said he wished he was just home watching the hockey game.

2) After I scouted the room we began chatting more and he mentioned his ex gf many times - that she was a slob, etc. and that he'd loaned her $15k.  He said that now she was engaged to someone else and he did keep in touch with her, just because she owes him this money.  He mentioned that she'd also declared bankruptcy.

3) He lives in a condo (I am in an apartment building) and I was saying that I would *love* a condo, not just because of the home ownership aspect, but because you have laundry in your suite (often times I am waiting for other people's laundry to be done and can't wash everything I need, and you have to put coins into the machine, etc.). He mentioned that he bought a washing machine but it left rust stains on his clothes (obviously didn't buy it new)......now he does laundry in his basement........just rings of really really cheap.......you can easily buy a stackable machine for a condo unit.

4) He asked me why I was alone and I told him that all my friends were married.  He replied with "me too" but he was there with two other guys who were trolling.  I asked about that and he said "Yeah - these are just dirtbags that I know......".

Anyhow.......we talked for an hour or so - basically about our relative situations.  He also lives alone with a dog..........at one point my drink was finished so I asked him if he would like one (I thought it was the only polite thing to do).  Once I bought him a drink he was so ecstatic, saying that a girl had never bought him a drink before.  After that he seemed quite interested.......he did mention that he doesn't mind paying on dates "sometimes" but doesn't feel he should be fitted with the bill all the time (he also mentioned several times that his condo is paid off, he has money in the bank and is one year away from retirement - he has a government job and doesn't look that old).

I could have made the decision right away (no) but when I went to leave he walked me out, kissed me on the cheek and said he would give me his number and I could call only if I really wanted to.  The way it worked out I ended up texting him so he had my number and then when I arrived home he texted me to ask if I got home okay, which I thought was sweet.

Anyhow.......I know this is a decision I have to make for myself and perhaps one date will reveal more but I have been pretty guarded and I don't want to start the "emtional roller coaster" if I'm just not sure about the person.

Thoughts either way? Just wondering another singles' opinion.

Mel

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 04-06-2013 - 4:26pm

I don't mean to offend anyone, but where are some of you meeting all of these super cheap guys?  I think all of you need to move down south where there are still plenty of gentlemen.  I don't expect to be spoiled with overindulgent extranvagancies, and would never use/abuse a good guy but I have never ecountered anything like this, not that I can readily recall. 

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Tue, 04-02-2013 - 11:24pm
Wow...my sister and I split food up at the grocery store like that! I think I would have told the cashier, "No, he's my brother."
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 04-02-2013 - 9:41pm

You can blame all of that on womens lib and the equlity thing because back in the day men were gentlemen and they paid and treated women like ladies. Nowadays after women wanting equal this and that well they got it allright.. So cant blame the men all the time..

Oh; and I have knows and met rich men were so cheap and I have met and known poor men who are soooooooooooooo generous..

That is usually the way it goes..

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Tue, 04-02-2013 - 8:56pm

Yep.......that was pretty ridiculous!! I knew the guy was cheap from the outset, but that to me was totally crass.  Even if he expected me to pay half he could have just jokingly said "Okay - you get x, y and z and I'll get a, b, and c - sound good?".  It was in really poor taste......

I guess the funny thing is that I don't mind paying for myself sometimes and I think it's only fair......but I guess I have a parent who suffers from *extreme* cheapness and I see some of these qualities in guys. 

Oh well......I guess we all have reasons why we are still single! :)

Mel

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Tue, 04-02-2013 - 7:33pm

OK, that divider on the belt just takes the cake. That's the cheapest, tackiest thing ever. What are some guys thinking?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Tue, 04-02-2013 - 5:28pm

Hi,

Thanks everyone for your input.......reading my post I can just see where everyone is coming from!! lol.

The beer/drink I bought him was between $9-$10........we had been chatting and he didn't offer, so I thought it was only polite (as I mentioned) to ask him if he wanted something.  I couldn't walk away and then just come back with a drink for myself only......anyhow.......he was a lot nicer after I bought him the drink!! He did seem very attentive........but yes, some warning bells went off in my head.  When I went to leave as well, he walked me out and he mentioned something about leaving as well.....when I asked about his friends he said "I don't know" and I questioned him - you ARE going to drive them home, right? (he had driven them all there).  I think frankly he was having thoughts about just driving away and not telling them!!

I met one other guy at the same type of dance quite a few years ago who was cheap also......on the first date he "forgot" his wallet/credit card and only had $20 on him (I paid for the balance of the dinner).  Although he was much more financially stable than me (he also owned his own house, had a government job and lots of money invested) I was basically expected to pay at least half every time we went out.  I guess the straw that broke the camel's back was when we were hanging out at his house and went to a discount grocery store to pick some stuff up (I'm not talking caviar - frozen pizza, a bagged salad - maybe $25 worth of groceries).  He actually put the divider HALF WAY in between the stuff on the belt - he was paying half and I had to pay half!! The cashier asked if we were together and it was the most embarrassing moment of my life!! When I did finally dump him......he called me a few choice names (I wasn't nasty at all.......).

Anyhow.......!! Lifestyles of the rich and famous I guess :)

Mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 04-01-2013 - 7:51pm

Gee He does sound a bit odd but everyone out there is nowadays and once again you only were with him for an hour but yeah there were a few red flags there..

Its up to you whether or not you want to try a date because you werent on a date with him as you just met him.. So what do you have to lose.. As long as you keep it simple and friendly and see how he really is on a real date. I dont see any harm in it..   You know that saying dont t hrow out the baby with the bath water..(ha ha)

By the way it is sort of sexist these days if a woman cant offer a guy a drink .. and yes he maybe should have declined if he has money and a paid off condo and all but what does it matter.. How much was the drink?? If it was an apple martini at 20.00 a pop yeah that would be alot but if it was a beer who cares..

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 04-01-2013 - 7:36pm

I'd say no too.  I don't like it when someone talks badly about an ex--I mean, you're basically a stranger and he's telling you how much money his ex borrowed & she declared bankruptcy, he calls his friends names.  He sounds very cheap.  I went to a restaurant lounge on Friday night where there was a band.  My friend & I were talking to a couple of guys--one was there w/ a woman, don't know if it was his GF or wife, the other guy turned out to be married, but we were dancing w/ them anyway.  They were quite nice guys to talk to.  The man who was with the woman asked both me & my friend if we wanted a drink--I said yes only to a soda.  My point being that I know this is sexist & discriminatory but normally nice men will offer to buy a woman a drink--even though you offered, I'd say that most men would say no if they didn't want somthink, or if they did, they would offer to pay.  Do you really want to date a guy who's going to make you pay, probably more than 50%?  If he had a lot of other attractive qualities, I'd say yes, but his personality doesn't seem that great from your description.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Mon, 04-01-2013 - 7:04pm

I wouldn't give this guy the time of day.  You were quite nice to buy him a drink, but I would leave it right there and not be in touch with him at all.  He doesn't sound like he respects the people around him - and that would extend to you.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Mon, 04-01-2013 - 6:46pm

Far too focused on money!  I'd run from this one. Especially if he's calling his friends dirtbags!